Republicans Transform

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“I’m ready to debate Obama!”

A reader of the Corner sent in an idea that I think was a pretty good suggestion: The Republicans stop their feuding and their fighting and combine announcing Fred Thompson as president, Mitt Romney as Vice President, McCain as Secretary of Defense, and Giuliani as Secretary of Homeland Security. This is a cool idea. Now, anyone who is a not a moron likes everything about Fred Thompson, so he’d be a great president. Mitt Romney is a conservative in training, so he’d be good for vice president. The only thing McCain is right on is the war, so why not put him a position where that’s the only view that matters. And Giuliani would be a great Secretary of Homeland Security if he would just prove his bona fides on illegal immigration by beating a Mexican drug smuggler to death with a Maglite — something I’m sure he’d be more than willing to do.
In addition, it could be announced that Mike Huckabee will be the White House Press Secretary where he can use his talking skills for good instead of evil. And Ron Paul could be made a security guard at the National Archives so he can make sure no one messes with the Constitution.
If Republicans announced a ticket with all the frontrunners on it, wouldn’t they be unstoppable? They’d be taking the best of each Republican and putting it together into one super Republican — like Voltron. While each of the robot tigers are kinda cool on their own, they’re supercool and unstoppable when put together as the giant robot warrior Voltron (Fred Thompson: “And I’ll form the head!”). The Democrats would run fleeing from such a thing and the Republicans would walk away with the election.

32 Comments

  4. Once again, Frank J has his pulse on America and has come up with a no-nonsense end to this never-ending campaign season!
    I’d further suggest to just settle things once and for all that President Thompson announce that he has figured out a place in his administration for both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. “Hillary shall from this day forward by Secretary of Lesbian Affairs and Barack Obama shall be my Magic Negro who I shall keep next to me. I will rub his head for good luck whenever I get in a tight spot!” Fred Thompson will get 100% of the vote!!!

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  5. HAHAHA! What an awesome idea! It’s so perfect – I’m surprised no one has thought of this before. I especially like the putting to use of the hippies by ussjimmycarter. Very nice.
    Go VOLTR…I mean… FRED!

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  7. Y’know, I was pissed at Rudy over the sanctuary city business because of what I heard in the (real) press. Then on the debate he clarified that his “sanctuary” policy was actually to prevent police from questioning the legal status of witnesses to crimes. That sounds fine. I figured he was just glazing over the fact that police also don’t question the legal status of people who commit crimes, but shortly thereafter he came out and explicitly said that his police reported so many illegals who had committed a crime that INS/ICE/whatever asked them to stop because they couldn’t (wouldn’t/hate America too much to) do anything about it.
    I hope that’s actually the accurate view, because I don’t like hating any of the (R) candidates — even Ron Paul, because as nutty as he is, anybody that throws out lines like “Economists say that if you subsidize something you get more of it” gets a point in my tally.

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  8. I’d thought about this as well. However, I put Romney as Sec. of Treasury, because I think he could really do some good there. I thought maybe Huckabee as VP, because he’s good for talking and not much else. Of course, we’d have to worry about assassination attempts on Fred, but what are the odds of the hippies getting their hands on kryptonite bullets, anyway?

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  19. Brilliant. One thing we need to fix is the border. Pull off all the border guards currently stationed there, and send in Tancredo.
    Just Tancredo, standing on the other side of the river with a soup spoon. Should be enough to deter anyone from crossing illegally

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  22. Finally – someone that agrees with my Silence-of-the-Lambs-Murdering-Buffalo-Bill theory. I blogged about this idea several weeks ago, but with a twist. I want to literally extract the things I like about these candidates out of each of them, and then sew those good things together into My Perfect Candidate. I just hadn’t figured out how to not kill them in the process of the extraction. Sort of like Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs. He murdered his victims and then sewed their skin together to create his perfect skin suit.
    Gee. That’s gross. I didn’t explain that correctly. Here’s the link: http://dgsworldbybigd.blogspot.com/2007/11/governmental-goulash.html
    Maybe that will make more sense. Thanks.

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  23. Well, Fred Thompson is a fantastic breakdancer.
    The problem is, the others would only drag him down so that they end up running out of moves (as demonstrated in the link) and have to resort to cutting the terrorists in half with a sword. Come to think of it, that might end up being cooler than simply serving them.

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  24. I’m stuck on the idea of Ron Paul being a security guard at The National Archives where he’ll intercept Sandy (Cheese)Berger trying to heist more Clinton documents. Can you picture it ? (Gun drawn, high pitched voice, ranting, trembling, …)

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  25. Damn. This is a really good idea. I like to see hoe you included Ron Paul . . . while I agree he is a total loon in the way he presents his views, at least he makes it clear that he respects the Constitution. Not presidential material at all, but guarding the Constitution at the National Archives – that’s a creative way to put a useful idiot to work. Hell, let him give a tour every now and then, and he’d be happier than a clam in mud.
    As for making Fred Thompson the head, couldn’t agree more. You even managed to fit in ol’Huck – another loon possessing a useful gift. I don’t want him running the country, but I think he’d be a hit in the Press Room. Hell, when at a loss, he could always just dish out weight-loss advice to those reporters. BTW, I gave my $10 to Fred . . . . did you? If not, invest in a sturdy lock.
    It won’t stop Fred Thompson, but you may have an extra second or two to make peace with God.

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  29. I’ve been saying this for ages. I was gonna blog about it and then I said “well lets see whats on tv” and then it never got written
    damn you TV
    :shakes fist:
    I can definetly see this happening-Thompson is the candidate with the least bad blood with the others (besides huckabee but its not a deep dislike) so he’d make the most sense.
    My original thought was Lincoln, who’s cabinet was made up of rivals who he beat out for the presidency.
    same deal for Fred.

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  30. If we would like to really drive the moonbats into a crazy spasms of barking try this lineup out for size:
    Prez = Fred
    Veep = Duncan
    Sec Def = McCain
    Homeland = Rudy
    SecState = Newt
    SecTreas = Mitt
    Sec Commerce = Steve Forbes
    AG = Ted Olsen

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