John Edwards wishes someone would hurry up and invent Post-It-Note-strength velcro.
Archive of entries posted on 3rd January 2008
Romney Scandal to Break Soon
Huckabee’s former research director has hinted that a big Romney scandal will break soon. I don’t buy it. Romney just doesn’t have enough character to do anything scandalous of note. Some huge scandal might actually help him, as people would say, “What? A scandal? He’s not as bland as I thought.”
Anyway, here’s what the scandal could be:
TOP TEN POSSIBLE ROMNEY SCANDALS
10. Did he say “Mormon”? He meant “Scientologist.”
9. His programming does not include Asimov Three Laws of Robotics.
8. Don’t tell anyone, but he actually changed some of his positions on the issues for political purposes.
7. He once ate his salad with the desert fork.
6. He lived in that hive of scum and villainy known as Massachusetts. Not only that, he was their leader!
5. Despite claims of being a green Republican, he himself is not biodegradable.
4. There’s video of him forgetting to use “please” and “thank you.”
3. He refuses to shake hands with poor people (but is that all that unusual for a Republican?).
2. The hobo graveyard in his backyard: It wasn’t there when he bought the place like he originally claimed.
And the number one possible Romney scandal…
John Edwards: Silky, Sassy, No Split Ends
In an attempt to help out John Edwards, here are facts about John Edwards put to music made by John Hawkins. Edwards is definitely IMAO’s choice in the Democratic race, so we hope he slaps the competition in Iowa!
Iowa Caucus FAQ
As the Iowa vote/caucus thing is today, I thought I’d put up this FAQ to help clarify things.
IOWA CAUCUS FAQ
Q. What exactly is a caucus?
I dunno.
Q. Who votes in it?
I dunno.
Q. Is it just registered Republicans for the Republican side?
I dunno.
Q. When will we find out the results?
I dunno.
Q. What time is the vote?
I dunno.
Q. Why does Iowa get all this power over elections?
I dunno.
Q. What do you know?
It all sounds pretty stupid.