As the Iowa vote/caucus thing is today, I thought I’d put up this FAQ to help clarify things.
IOWA CAUCUS FAQ
Q. What exactly is a caucus?
I dunno.
Q. Who votes in it?
I dunno.
Q. Is it just registered Republicans for the Republican side?
I dunno.
Q. When will we find out the results?
I dunno.
Q. What time is the vote?
I dunno.
Q. Why does Iowa get all this power over elections?
I dunno.
Q. What do you know?
It all sounds pretty stupid.
I think that a caucus is very like a “caucus race”, an example of which is found in Alice in Wonderland. If memory serves, Alice and all the animals run around aimlessly until they’re all dry, and then Alice hands out prizes to everybody. That’s probably a reasonable description of what’s going on in Iowa today, since it’s too early to be planting corn.
Thanks… that cleared up things a lot. I feel better now.
Let me help you understand there li’l cornpone,
IOWA CAUCUS FAQ
Q. What exactly is a caucus?
Irrelevant mostly
Q. Who votes in it?
Hicks and Bumpkins in fly-over country
Q. Is it just registered Republicans for the Republican side?
Well, them and some Ronulans (look for the snappy foil hats)
Q. When will we find out the results?
a’fore sunrise
Q. What time is the vote?
after supper
Q. Why does Iowa get all this power over elections?
Tradition. A more timely caucus pretty much conflicts with spring plantin’ and the corn hole…ah…er…I mean corn row festival
Q. What do you know?
“It all sounds pretty stupid.” Ah…yep.
The only thing I know is that they’re for caucasians.
Why else are they held in Iowa?
Miss Hoover, my caucus went in my mouth and I ate it. Can I have another one?
A. Ron Paul!!1!!one!!!eleventy!!
I am always careful to reapply caucus when I do repairs on my bath tub or sink.
If I had a caucus, I’d see a doctor right away.
Thanks for that.
Nyet! Caucasus are world’s second most beautiful mountain range- would be most beautiful if they were entirely in Russia, like Urals.
spacemonkey,
“I am always careful to reapply caucus when I do repairs on my bath tub or sink.”
Do you use protection?
Corn jokes? How original. Next time let’s let California or New York start off and get anyone with common sense out of the way up front…..
Let me help you out:
Q. What exactly is a caucus?
A. A caucus is what they are doing in Iowa tonight.
Q. Who votes in it?
A. Voters.
Q. Is it just registered Republicans for the Republican side?
A. Long term registered Republicans, and just registered Republicans, are for the Republican side.
Q. When will we find out the results?
A. When they are announced.
Q. What time is the vote?
A. During the voting period.
Q. Why does Iowa get all this power over elections?
A. Because if you upend the ‘W’ in IOWA you get an anagram for IMAO.
Q. What do you know?
A. That it is freaky to write these things while Ann Coulter is glaring at me from her ads.
Juat left my caucus precinct.
Huck 25
Fred 24
Mitt 20
Paul 17
McCain 4
Giuliani 2
GO FRED GO!
Unleash your wrath on Iowa!!
They do not know who they are messsing with.
Unleash your wrath on Iowa!!
They do not know who they are messsing with.
Since I’ve just returned from my precinct, let me untangle this web of crap:
Q. What exactly is a caucus?
A. Iowa Republicans do a straw poll to figure out how our state delegates should be divided among the candidates at the nominating convention. The Democrats do a big campfire and have touchy-feely conversations about their candidates, but only when holding the sacred Conch.
Q. Who votes in it?
A. I did. Some other people did, too. I drove all day and night (with 2 toddlers and an infant) to get back in time, so my vote counts for more.
Q. Is it just registered Republicans for the Republican side?
A. If you’re registered with a party affiliation, you may only vote in your party’s caucus. If you’re unaffiliated you get to choose, but you can’t do both unless you’re omnipresent.
Q. When will we find out the results?
A. Scott County precinct D84 (unofficial)
Guiliani – 4
Huckabee – 13
Hunter – 0
McCain – 8
Ron Paul – 1 (I sat next to that guy, and to be fair, he doesn’t look like he lives in his mom’s basement, though I could be mistaken)
Romney – 24
The Great One – 11
Total votes – 61, statistical margin of error, approx. 99%
Q. What time is the vote?
A. Just got done…
Q. Why does Iowa get all this power over elections?
A. We got in line first, no cuts.
I feel powerful, maybe I’ll go punch some hippies to celebrate my voting for the Honorable Mr. Thompson.
I can’t help you with any of those questions, but all I know is that Iowans deserve to die. They voted Huckabee AND Romney over FRED. For that, you must not withhold your wrath.
Huckleberry wins. I retract my earlier comment about Iowa and common sense.