Rambo for McCain

So Sylvester Stallone endorsed John McCain. My question: How can anyone tell that from the guttural mumbling he uses as speech?

REPORTER: So what do you think of John McCain?
STALLONE: Ra rur ruh rur uh ruh.

Now everyone is asking who would win in a fight between Stallone and Chuck Norris. Obviously it’s Chuck Norris… especially if it’s an enunciation battle.

Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact

john edwards fabulous.jpgEasiest job in the world: being John Edwards’s athletic supporter.
Hardest job in the world: being his Wonderbra.

Hmm

I kinda like the Democrats when they’re giving me money.

Duncan Hunter for Huckabee?

SarahK was as surprised as I was and demanded over IM that John Hawkins explain. I dunno; I think Hawkins sees Huckabee through a bit of rose colored glasses (in that he thinks Huckabee is only awful and not appallingly awful).

Do Other Countries Know How Much They Suck?

As the most powerful and most awesome nation ever ever, America leaves a lot for other countries to measure up to, but they don’t even seem to be trying. It’s time America makes sure other countries know exactly how much they suck. I mean really rub their faces in it.
We could start by buying the most expensive properties in some foreign countries just we can raze them to the ground. Why? Because we have money to burn like that because we’re so awesome. Then we can invade some countries, completely overthrow their governments, and just leave. If other countries ask why, we should say, “That’s the wrong question. What you should be asking is, ‘If we didn’t suck so much, would this still happen to us?'”
Most other countries in the world are seriously underachieving. It’s the duty of America, the most awesomest nation there is, to get out countries to do better. The only way to do that is to make sure they know exactly how much they suck.
Frank J. ‘XX for Some Office
“Letting other countries know exactly how much they suck.”

He’d Still Get His Ass Handed To Him

After failing miserably to win in any measurable fashion against Democratic frontrunners Obama & Clinton, John Edwards is trying a new strategy: running against Ronald Reagan:

“I would never use Ronald Reagan as an example of change,” Edwards said. “You think about what Ronald Reagan did, to America, the American people, to the middle class, to working people. He was openly, openly intolerant of unions and the right to organize.”

Even running against a 96-year-old dead man, Edwards fails miserably. If the election were held today, and the lifeless, fleshless, Alzheimer’s-besotted remains of America’s greatest President were running against Edwards, it’d be 1984 all over again, except that Edwards wouldn’t carry Minnesota or D.C.
Here’s a few other opponents Edwards would fail against just as miserably:


  • Fred Thompson
  • An empty chair that Fred Thompson once sat in.
  • A ball of Jeffrey Dahmer’s earwax.
  • Frank J and/or that dog he claims to own. Has anyone ever seem them in the same room together or been given ANY reliable proof that they’re NOT the same person?
  • Any random wad of gum scraped off the underside of a table.
  • Ron Paul
  • Just kidding.
  • Full-volume Billy Mays.
  • A cable-TV price increase.
  • Dilbert’s pointy-haired boss.
  • Trump’s hair.
  • This jar of fuzzy… something… I found in the back of my fridge.
    fuzzy fridge stuff.jpg

If you can think of anything else that would make an electoral sweep against the Johnster, pipe up in the comments.
Unless you’re Billy Mays, in which case, pipe down.

Ron Paul Is Awesome

Come to think of it, Ron Paul is an awesome candidate. Now that Fred Thompson is out of the race, we really should take a second look at him. If we want a good change in America, the way to go is Ron Paul. Just look at his positions on the issues and see how they match those of the Founding Fathers. Especially his flank two position. I repeat: His flank 2 position. Let’s all talk about how awesome Ron Paul is.