After failing miserably to win in any measurable fashion against Democratic frontrunners Obama & Clinton, John Edwards is trying a new strategy: running against Ronald Reagan:
“I would never use Ronald Reagan as an example of change,” Edwards said. “You think about what Ronald Reagan did, to America, the American people, to the middle class, to working people. He was openly, openly intolerant of unions and the right to organize.”
Even running against a 96-year-old dead man, Edwards fails miserably. If the election were held today, and the lifeless, fleshless, Alzheimer’s-besotted remains of America’s greatest President were running against Edwards, it’d be 1984 all over again, except that Edwards wouldn’t carry Minnesota or D.C.
Here’s a few other opponents Edwards would fail against just as miserably:
- Fred Thompson
- An empty chair that Fred Thompson once sat in.
- A ball of Jeffrey Dahmer’s earwax.
- Frank J and/or that dog he claims to own. Has anyone ever seem them in the same room together or been given ANY reliable proof that they’re NOT the same person?
- Any random wad of gum scraped off the underside of a table.
- Ron Paul
- Just kidding.
- Full-volume Billy Mays.
- A cable-TV price increase.
- Dilbert’s pointy-haired boss.
- Trump’s hair.
- This jar of fuzzy… something… I found in the back of my fridge.

If you can think of anything else that would make an electoral sweep against the Johnster, pipe up in the comments.
Unless you’re Billy Mays, in which case, pipe down.
Like this:
Like Loading...