Scientists have found fossils of a one ton, forty two foot long boa constrictor that lived 60 million years ago (right after the dinosaurs died out — maybe it ate them!). The planet was a lot warmer back then because of all the global warming the dinosaurs caused before they died of ennui. So remember this equation:
More Heat = Bigger Snakes
This is why I think all the global warming hysteria is both stupid and dumb. Obviously, the planet has in place many balancing effects. It’s well known that squirrels are getting larger, and soon from global warming we’ll have giant snakes to eat those squirrels before they cause destruction. Everything works out.
Big deal. 42 foot long snakes might be irritating, but take a gander at the real threat to the environment….Bloop.
http://archives.cnn.com/2002/TECH/science/06/13/bloop/
Now Bloop has been minding his gigantic business for some time now, but is apparently beginning to show signs of extreme irritation at all of the digital chatter bombarding him. Most of it appears to be coming from the idiot liberal cable & TV outlets on the Left Coast, as well as the frantic splashing noises from illegal immigrants swimming to San Diego.
Prediction: Bloop is going to make his way to San Francisco, and do a Cloverfield on the place. And I for one will just cackle and sniggle, while shooting squirrels from my back porch.
I’ll do it. Don’t try to stop me.
So are you saying that the way to cure this global warming nonsense is for the government to get out of the way and let the Earth do its own thing? Kinda like the financial markets too?
Whoda thunk that “government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem”?
Oh right. 😉
Will every giant snake get a rocket launcher of their own? Who will pay for it?
More Heat = Bigger Snakes
Wow, that’s rude comment bait right there. Served up on ye olde silver platter. Thankfully I am too polite, prudish, proper and pure to give in to that temptation!
Wow, I can’t believe you just solved the K-T boundry puzzle! The dinosaurs didn’t die from some meteor in Mexico, it was global warming brought on by dino farts! Brilliant! There should be a Nobel waiting for you come summer.
Cactusd, we all know that bloop is rosie odonell trying to get that last cookie crumb that fell into the sea. Closest thing its had to a bath. Its not a giant snake, its a hair from bob marley.
Snakes… why did it have to be snakes?
Anyone else notice that Al Gore has gotten a lot larger over the last few years as well. A consensus of dietitians agree.
On the up-side, this may be a boon to Samuel Jackson’s career:
‘Totally Friggin’ Huge-ass Snakes on a Plane’, the sequel we’ve all been waiting for.
Well, you beat me to the Snakes on a Plane comment.
He could combine roles and say he wants all these MFing asteroid snakes from Empire Strikes Back of this MFing star destroyer.
Yeah, I know their called space slugs, but slugs don’t have skeletons with advanced jaws like that puppy did. So nyahhhh.
Good Lord…#5 Plentyo is right.
Bloop…is Rosie! Holy Fornicating Chicken-Fried Popes! We’re DOOMED!
Good man, now look in the mirror and, with your best The Mask impression, shout “somebody stop me!”
Well this is obviously wrong because according to an article i just read at LiveScience the earth has never been as warm as it is now. Those snakes are probably the creation of those damned creationists and warming deniers!
If you think the snakes and Dinos were big,
just imagine how gigantic their SUV’s were
that caused Dinosaur-made Global Climate Change !
Sweet!
So, basically they found an ancient Obama…just much larger?
SoB-
Obama’s not a snake. Snakes have a working plan for food & finding shelter when it gets cold; O does not.
Maybe the giant snakes can also eat unhealthy poor children and save us some tax money… that the govt can then waste on something else.
They found the fossils in an ‘open pit coal mine’.
Proof that Global Warming causes Coal!
Believing in global warming is stupid. Believing that snake lived 60 million years ago is stupid also. Give me the hard scientific evidence you have to support that rediculous claim. Now remember, radioisotope dating is a scam and I can prove it.
C.S. Lewis once summarized modern science by the phrase, “Humpty-Dumpty is falling”.
Where did he fall from?
Where is he falling to?
How long has he been falling?
How much longer will he fall?
Will all the king’s horses and all the king’s men be able to put Humpty-Dumpty togeather again?
Who built the wall we presume Humpty-Dumpty fell from?
How the heck did he get up there in the first place?
Did he just slip or was he pushed?
Is he really falling or is the ground just rushing towards him at an ever increasing rate?
Since Humpty-Dumpty believes that words mean whatever he wants them to mean, is he currently working on a new definition of the word, “falling”?
Do giant snakes eat giant eggs?
These questions scientists can’t conclusively answer because all their observations are taken during the period, “Humpty-Dumpty is still falling”.
If I did ask these questions, I might be answered the way another famous questioner was answered, “What is that to you? Follow me!”
(John 21:22)