Straight From the Hippie’s Mouth

Obama can ride around in his 8 gallons-to-the-mile limo and blather on about how the whole world can just live off wind, solar, and unicorn power, but a Canadian hippie who actually TRIED to live without petroleum had this to say:

If there is any conclusion I have it is that sustainable and renewable energy sources cannot support our current lifestyle. What people think is a small amount of energy is actually quite the opposite. Think of it this way. A liter of gasoline will drive a car about 25 kilometers -now push your car that distance and see what one liter of gasoline is actually worth.

By the way, did you know that dead bug buildup on windmill blades can significantly reduce their efficiency? “Windmill blade bug scrubber” is just one of the millions of green jobs Obama plans to create.

Random Thoughts

I like to keep my religion simple. I make small fires and worship them.

I’m not your typical Republican. I have tattoos, I wear shoes on my hands, and I enjoy arson. I’m what the Party needs.

I am not your typical Republican. I wear black, I own a pet dingo, and I live in an abandoned water tower. I can appeal to today’s youths.

I’m not your typical Republican. I have gay friends, I’ve been hiccuping for eight years, and I can play a sitar. I’m the Party’s future.

I’m for beating terrorists with a hammer if it will help get needed information or is funny.

If the Republican Party wants to be relevant today, it needs to abandon its purely religious objection to strangling babies.

To be clear, Andrew Sullivan is against torturing any terrorists for no matter what’s at stake, but logic is fair game?

10 Simple Things You Can Do To Save The Earth

Some helpful tips for Earth Day:


Once the earth is fully paved, you’ll be able to save gas by driving directly to wherever you want to go.

1) Save the rainforests! The wood will come in handy for building re-education camps for right-wing extremists.

2) Build a windmill. Not only will it provide electricity, it’s also good for killing birds, which you can fry up on your solar panels. Mmmm… fried eagle.

3) Encourage everyone you know to ride bicycles, then steal their tires and burn them to heat your house.

4) Save the whales! We may need to start using their oil again.

5) Plastic bottles last forever in a landfill. Coat them with several layers of lead paint before throwing them out to keep BPA’s from leaching into the groundwater.

6) Only buy organic vegetables which use no pesticides. Being pre-chewed by bugs makes them easier to digest. Sorta like being fed by a mama bird.

7) Eat fish only from mercury-contaminated waters. If you don’t, then mercury will accumulate in their bodies until they become completely made out of liquid metal and begin assuming the form of loved ones in order to hunt us down and kill us.

8) Don’t drive when you can bike. And lubricate the chain with whale oil.

9) Instead of throwing away food scraps, toss them into a compost pile in your back yard. The compost can be used to replenish soil nutrients in your garden, while the compost pile itself will attract rats, which you can shoot for target practice and leave where they lie to create more compost. Circle of life!

10) Support the Endangered Species Act, which protects animals with dwindling numbers so that their population can recover so that they can be taken off the list so that they can be quietly hunted to extinction without jack-booted government thugs interfering with the natural order of things.


How will YOU save the planet today?

Frank’s Other Writing Project

I’ve been wanting to get back to trying to write a novel, and instead of trying to come up with a new idea, I’ve decide to try and expand out Superego into a novel since so many people seemed to like. I went back and read it, and there’s a lot of great stuff in it. I don’t even know where it came from – I think I just started it one day with no idea where it was going – but I think it had a good arc. It could use a lot of work though (hopefully a lot a lot of work since it needs to be about twice as long to be novel length) as I don’t think the tone was consistent and some parts seem silly now, but it has a real solid foundation.

Anywho, for those who were a fan of it, that’s what I’m going to be working on. Any suggestions on it (like what needs more expanding) would be appreciated.

Maybe I can fit a dinosaur with a rocket launcher on it in there somewhere…

Dinosaur Soft

I have a great idea. What we do is we genetically resurrect velociraptors.

Yeah, I know. They’re too small to put rocket launchers on, but that’s not the purpose here. There are a lot of misconceptions about velociraptors because of the Jurassic Park movies. First off, they’re smaller that they were depicted. Second, scientists are quite certain they had feathers and thus looked something like this.

You see where I’m going with this, don’t you?

We pluck the feathers and we make pillows.

Awesome idea, huh? What kid would not want a velociraptor feather pillow? We could charge like fifty bucks each and the parents would have to buy them because their snot-nosed kids would be like, “I can’t get to sleep unless it’s on a velociraptor! Waaaah!”

It’s a million dollar idea.

Yeah, I know, won’t the velociraptors get really angry if we pull off their feathers? That’s why we have cheap Mexican labor do it. Three dollars an hour to pull feathers off of dinosaurs; they can’t make that kind of money in Mexico.

So, I think that covers everything. Just need to figure out how to resurrect velociraptors for commercial purposes. If you have any ideas, please send them my way. You’ll get a free pillow.

Award!

Peren of International Biscuits to Virtual Rodents has honored IMAO with the “Pat Sajak Approves of This Blog” Award.

At first I thought “Pat? Who cares! I wanna know if Vanna’s into me… even though she’s been getting kinda uppity since Pat started letting her talk on the show instead of just turn letters.”

But then a light went on in my head, and I remembered that Pat is a Hollywood-hating right-wing extremist who thinks man-made global warming is a wad of hooey.

IMAO humbly accepts his approval.


FINE PRINT:

To join the exclusive club of blogs who honor IMAO and have your award featured on our sidebar with a link to your blog, make up a fancy award image honoring IMAO, blog about it, and drop a link in the comments.

Keep it PG-13, and if it doesn’t suck too terribly bad, your award will be duly noted in a post (I’m currently backlogged by about half a dozen submissions – don’t worry, your post is coming), and placed in the sidebar with a link to your site.

As added incentive for people to honor IMAO with worthless, made-up awards, those who do so may proudly display this worthless, made-up Participant Ribbon:

If you don’t have a blog, then send your image to harvolson-at-gmail.com and include a link to one of your favorite IMAO posts.

For the Photoshop-impaired, here’s a guide to making mediocre fake pictures with Microsoft Paint

Or try the free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Maximum sidebar image width is 190 pixels. Please make sure text is at least barely legible at that size.

Now get honoring!

lolbama! Part 12

This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.



From Pat:

From Peregrine John:

Also from Peregrine John:

From Rick of The Rabid Conservative:

From Susie:


My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:
From Nicole:

From Basil of Basil’s Blog:

[reference link]

From Bob:

From Jedijson:

From Rick of The Rabid Conservative:

From Kevin of Exurban League:

From Peregrine John:

[reference link]


This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with [hat tip: Laurie]:

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

Gay Marriage and Politics

So, just to be clear, Miss America can’t hold American values? Since Miss California stated the majority opinion on gay marriage — an opinion shared by our very smart president — she didn’t win the Miss America crown. The whole thing is kinda fatuous, so there is only so much I can pretend to care… No, I guess there really isn’t a limit to how much I can pretend to care.

This is the greatest injustice ever!

First of all, why did they have Perez Hilton as a judge? The guy is super gay. He thinks women are icky. How is he going to judge a pageant? That’s like making a deaf man as an American Idol judge — something nearly as ridiculous as making Paula Abdul a judge.

Second of all… I guess I didn’t have a lot of points on this. It’s just weird we’ve been hearing more about how Republicans should come out for gay marriage lately. I’m not sure how that’s smart.

Phase 1: Support position unpopular with a majority of Americans and especially unpopular with own base.
Phase 2: ???
Phase 3: Profit!

I’m open to a libertarian arguments on the issue, but politically it’s stupid. Even Guiliani has conveniently decided to be against gay marriage to help him win in the state of New York. New York, people. And sometimes the politically smart thing to do causes Perez Hilton to throw a hissy fit. That’s just how the world is.

The media made him; will they break him?

Barack Obama isn’t real.

He’s made up.

Oh, sure, he was born … somewhere on Earth (we think it was Earth) … and grew up in a comfortable home after emigrating to the U.S. as a child.

We really don’t know much about him because he’s following the story.

And no one tells the story better than those that wrote it. And the writers of the Barack Obama story include the media.

Well, suddenly, some in the media are starting to question Obama.

That smacks of heresy, sure. But think for a minute. Is it really heresy of those that invented the religion (Obamatology) stray?

Here’s what happened.

Jennifer Loven of the AP questioned White House press secretary Robert Gibbs about the $100-million (that’s 1/100 of 1% of $1-trillion) budget reduction target (H/T RealClearPolitics)


Link: AP, Tapper Confront Obama Admin Over $100 Million

ABC’s Jake Tapper joined in.

Oh, sure, that’s only two reporters. But it gives hope.

Perhaps some of the so-called journalists that cover the White House will actually be journalists.

I’m not holding my breath. But I am keeping my fingers crossed.