Can you believe there was a debate on whether to use a caterpillar to coerce information out of terrorist? That’s we should have never let out these “torture memos” out; it’s okay to debate this stuff in private but if the terrorists know about it makes us look like a bunch of nancies. The point has never been what we can do; it’s what the terrorists think we can do. There’s only one way to repair this, and that’s to publicly torture a terrorist in unspeakable ways to make the terrorists think there is no limit to what we will do to them. And to show there is no mercy, the terrorist picked for this should be Obama’s best friend, Bill Ayers. We’ll torture him so good terrorists will e-mail the information we want to know before we even capture them just to be on the extra safe side that we won’t torture them.
As a conservative Christian and lifelong Republican, I think we should make terrorists listen to Barack Obama speak. If I have to hear him over-pronounce one more syllable, I think I will stop my plans to overthrow the government.
Just kidding.
I would never stop my plans. Not when I am so close to success.
After yesterday’s verbal abuse at the hands of a certain Fleming, I say threaten them with a subscription to IMAO…
I think you’re looking at this all wrong. I mean if you release this and people look into it they realize how much of a paper tiger they are. They’re afraid of caterpillars? Seriously? We should start breeding butterflies and moths then by the millions and then drop them on their base camps? That’d be hilarious. One problem though… hippies would like that. Then again the hippies would like that but would hate that we’re “torturing” the terrorists. Hmm. Maybe their drugged out heads would explode? Now I’m all for carpet bombing terrorists with butterflies and moths; it’s two birds with one stone and that’s called efficiency my friend.
A bunch of nancies? Or Nancy Peloseyes? (And she does have those scary staring palo eyes.) Even bin Laden would quiver in terror at the thought of that.
A wise man once said…”don’t think to much becuase it burns brain power… and you need all of that you can get.”
Maybe we could threaten them with being forced to watch Academy Award-winning movies from the past 10 years. Or, is that TOO harsh?
Who’s in charge of the Ayers torture program, and is this secretive person “bribery tolerant?” In other words, I’d offer up some green for a chance to extract some “info” out of Ayers.
And Socrates, doncha just LOVE the way Obama whistles the esses at the end of words? GAAAH!
#7 innominatus-
What do you hope to get out of Ayers? He’s bloodless, got no spine, can’t afford to pay for his crimes, has no responsibility, hasn’t got a heart or a brain, does someone else s bidding, and is essentially a puppet.
Come to think of it, he embodies all the missing characteristics of the Wizard of Oz characters combined, even The Wizard…
“Pay no attention that (weather)man behind the curtain!”
I can see two possibilities:
– The memos are all fake and they just want to make it look like terrorists are 7th-grade-girls who are afraid of insects.
– They’re actually referring to the construction equipment.
Isn’t the Monarch looking for a new target to hench since the Guild for Calamitous Intent reassigned Dr. Venture to Sgt. Hatred?
Cool using a Caterpillar bull dozers to torture terrorist…………Uh what do you mean your not using a bull dozer? A friggin bug what the hell kind of torturer are you ? What are you five years old?
What a let down to find out it was actual caterpillars; I had just assumed “caterpillars” was a code word for human excrement.
I choose to believe that terrorists are afraid of bugs. It’s funnier that way. Also we should go back to coating our bullets in pig blood when fighting Muslims. We should also feed Gitmo terrorists nothing but pork.
If we are going to use insects to torture terrorists then I’d like to suggest we use fire ants rather then caterpillars. First off fire ants are just naturally mean, bad tempered, and aggressive whereas caterpillars just want to eat and turn themselves into butterflies. Also when you’ve been bitten by a fire ant you know you’ve been bitten because it hurts….not so with a caterpillar bite. Another good thing about fire ants, is that they are naturally always pissed off, angry, and frustrated, and why not, they’re all females with the job of feeding and cleaning the rest of the nest and then dying….old, lonely and unwanted. Kind of of like Janet Reno, anyway that’s my suggestion. .
If we’re going to torture, with our genetically engineered intellect(by aborting all ‘inferior’ intellects in the womb),we should procure the only indigenous lifeform from Seti Alpha VI. Put a baby one in their ear, rendering the enemy combatant ‘extremely susceptible to suggestion’. Caterpillars are just ugly butterfly juvenile delinquents, no real threat there.
Maybe our intero-gators told the enemy combatants tha the caterpillars were Jew-vinile butterflys, and the thought of Jewish anything crawling on them got them to talk. Brilliant!!!
I like the idea of Jewish caterpillars. Maybe we should grab some Christian moths and let them fly around their heads.
What a bunch of nancy sissypant whiners; they must be libtards. Now if we had nuclear-radiated caterpillars with three heads and venemous spikes I could see being afraid, but scared of prepubescent butterflies?
Live Free or Die~ Thanks for bringing up the Star Trek reference. That scene creeped me out as a kid and creeps me out even now. Ick. I still watch it, though.
If you want to talk serious torture, tie our “guests” at Gitmo down to chairs and force them to watch loop tapes of “the View”, Keith Oberman and speeches by Jimmy Carter and Ted Kennedy (as well as Obama). The left seem to voluntarily do this, so I can’t see how they would call this “cruel and unusual” (though then again, the left objects to whipping, bondage, spanking and dog-piles when they are more than ready to have the same done to themselves every night).
How many virgins do you get for a caterpillar?
RE #13: Where else but IMAO will Janet Reno be compared to a fire ant? Bwahahaha!
>>>#8 AlanABQ
Hmm… You’ve kinda taken the wind out of my sails… I guess I’ll have to settle for hearing him scream. Not real valuable intel, but pleasing to the ear nonetheless.
The only way we can reassure terrorists that we can, indeed, do anything, is to reveal a working prototype of dinosaurs with rocket-launchers on them.
New, chummier, more sporting interrogation technique:
“Tell us what cities the suitcase nukes are,
or we will show you a picture of a caterpillar.”
replaces the old,cruel, cold- hearted:
“Tell us what cities the suitcase nukes are,
or we will show you a nude picture of a Helen Thomas.”
Release CGI enhanced videos of an interview session.
“It burns! It freezes! It hurts us, Precious! Gollum! Gollum!”
Tell us what cities the suitcase nukes are,
or we will show you a nude picture of a Helen Thomas.”
Now THAT is just downright evil. We want them to answer before puking themselves inside out. However, if you want to up the ante, threaten them with nude pictures of Rosie O’Donnel, Nancy Pelosi and Janet Reno.
I’m a mother. I could devise more dangerous and efficient tortures for our poor muslim captives. Such as watching, continuously, the movies of Janine Gar-awful-o (thanks Nunya B, I like it) or mayhaps they should be feed a steady diet of tofu,rice cakes and bacon.
When my children were little and they fought with each other I made them sit on one bed with their arms around each other for as long as it took them to get over it. You know, stuff like that. We moms are creative like that.