Arnold Schwarzenegger tweeted this yesterday:
I hear a lot of stories about the creative ways people are making it through hard times, starting businesses, etc. Tell me your stories.
Well, here are some of the creative ideas I’ve heard from some of my friends:
* Growing illegal narcotics.
* Bank robbery.
* Dog-fighting ring.
* Photocopying money on high-quality color photocopier.
* Sending unsolicited e-mail to millions of people advertising cheap prescription drugs.
* Murdering hobos and selling their organs.
* Threatening to set off all the world’s volcano’s with a nuclear weapon unless given one million dollars.
* Spending hundred of billions of dollars on random crap (yeah, I’m friends with Barack Obama; he’s a nice guy if you get to know him).
* Blogging
So what creative ways are you using to get through hard times?
Selling steroids to weightlifting-addicted foreigners.
I opened an acorn franchise
Train yourself to ignore pain, ignore weather, to live off the land, to eat things that would make a billy goat puke.
I sold Plentyobailouts my program that automatically fills out voter registration cards.
Paint mustaches on Republican campaign posters – the NEA pays big for that.
Dog Fighting Ring/Day Care Center.
Only a million dollars to not set off the world’s volcanoes???? Dang you’re cheap. You’d never make it as a James Bond villain..
* Taking my girlfriend to Acorn offices and asking for advice on how to use her and some underage Salvadorans to make extra cash.
The thing about organ harvesting is that with so many people out of work, you don’t even have to settle for hobo organs. You get way more for accountants or construction workers and their organs don’t give off that hobo smell that is a dead giveaway when you’re trying to haggle.
Selling cigarettes to Barack Obama.
Receiving grants from the NEA by painting portraits of the Founding Fathers with dog feces.
Smuggling unemployed Americans across the Mexican border.
Picking lettuce for $40 in Arizona.
I sold my soul for rock and roll. But then, I found out that rock and roll is dead. So now, I’ve got a dead rock and roll crowding up my garage and I can’t even give it away. But I don’t have a soul anymore, so I got a job as a democrat operative.
Hah! Once I get an answer back from that Nigerian Prince that sent me that email I’ll be rich! Do you hear me? RICH! Bwa-HA-HA-HA!
Selling bootlegged Conan the Barbarian and Predator DVD’s.
Taking cheep/cheesie K-mart old women’s house coats, cutting; sawing; tagging and then marketing them as “Made In Africa” (looking) smock tops…. made several thousand tax payer dollars from some old biddie named “Bertha” who has me custom fit just for her.
I got appointed Czar of Green Jobs and Silly Walks in Obama Administration. Basically, job involves babysitting president’s Teleprompter and talking about how I am going to “revolutionize” the American economy by worshipping pagan gods and speaking to stoned groups of Hippies.
Tried out for Boob Czar, but Bill Clinton got on that short list.
If y’all pay me enough, I’ll hold Vince hostage.
You bunch of democrats!
Wrote a movie script about a heroic, brilliant young American President who ushers in world peace by the skill of his silvery ton. Obama read it to the UN general assembly yesterday.
biting off fingers and re-selling them to O’Bumbler’s Acorn Crack Robots to use for their various nefarious futuristic changes in the land we thought we once knew.
As a multi-millionaire sitting congressman I’ve never experienced “hard times” what exactly are “hard times?”
Become a speech therapist for Barney Fwank.
Stand at the bottom of the exit ramp with sign ” Out of work, disable Mall Cop. Will work for food. God Bless you”
Lay out a fake grass mat amd let my dog loose. The NEA will pay me millions. Call it “Liberal Thought Au Natural”.
Hobo organs are not very good quality but I hear you can get excellent quality from the organs of young Salvadoran girls. Anybody know of an organization that can help me import and house about 12 of them at a time?
Denial usually works.
I contract myself out to old coots to help keep kids off their dang lawns. Not lucrative, but satisfying. Sometimes they pay me in cheap beer.
I ain’t doin’ nuttin! I stocked up on Guns and Ammo before the price jumps! When I run out of food or money, they’ll be plenty of dummies that stocked up on Cash and Gold, that don’t have any Guns or Ammo. Then I’ll have Guns, Ammo, Cash and Gold!
Me smirt!
A ‘Mr.Wilson’ hired me to keep Pug Mahon off his lawn…
I’ve developed a lucrative and rewarding hobby. I collect unemployment checks.
Gather spoiled fruits and vegatables from dumpsters and sell them to fruits and vegetables…you know…like UNICEF.
The line, “Survival is not required” from that famous cynic, Watts Hisname, keeps coming back to me. I like to combine it with sayings like, “So, go blow your stench.” This is the kind of creativity that keeps me going, Frank.
I follow anyone drivin one of those faggy Prius kinda cars ….. and when they stop ….. I stickem up. The real money is in identitiy theft so I take the entire wallet. Then I thank them for gun control.
Setting up Off-shore Carbon Credit Accounts in the Cayman Islands
Selling Bobby McFerrin’s ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy’ to Suicide Hotlines as a substitute to actual counselors.
Raid Louisiana Rep. William Jefferson’s freezer.
Sell ACORN Members ‘How To Spot A Sting’ For Dummies Book
Start a Reality TV Show in Turkey!
Getting kickbacks from politicians for NOT mentioning them in IMAO comments. (Brian Baird your payment is late!)
I sell Obama Praise CD’s, Obama Idols, Obama Prayer Beads etc. anywhere Obama worshipers are known to frequent — Meth labs, prisons, MSNBC studios, Sarah Palin’s trash cans . . .
I’m using Stimulus money to open a Tiki bar/research center in Tahiti to study the effects of perfect weather, frozen cocktails, and long naps on energy consumption.
Scrounging in parking lots and gutters for discarded tire weights to melt down into (mostly) lead ingots.
Saving time by switching from Internet Explorer to Firefox.
Re-reading old books rather than buying new ones.
Saving the grease from the cheap cuts of meat and 72% lean hamburger we’ve been cooking.
(2 and a half mason jars full so far – I’m sure I’ll figure out what to do with it someday.)
Collecting lost change at drive thrus.
Performing child labor for the parents for a little cash.
Selling junk on Craigslist…that really isn’t worth anything.