Frank Idea for Copenhagen

People are like, “Frank! What can we do about Copenhagen! They’re going to make agreements to destroy our economy!”

But don’t worry, peasants; Frank J. is on the case.

The solution is simple: During a big conference, we release a bunch of polar bears on them.

Then, they’ll all be like, “Aieee! Polar bear population has gone so out of control they’ve come all the way down to — whatever country it is that Copenhagen is in!” (I’m really bad at geography, and I don’t care).

And then another will say, “We need to increase global warming to kill them off before they eat us and our stinky cheeses! The only way to do that is more capitalism!”

And then problem solved. You’re welcome.

Top Ten Accomplishments of Harry Reid as Majority Leader

Harry Reid (I’m sure it’s been said before, but it bears repeating: that’s an awful, awful porn name) compared opponents of Obamacare to opponents of the abolition of slavery (didn’t slaves get free health care?). Harry Reid hasn’t exactly made many friends as Majority Leader in the Senate and looks to be having a tough reelection fight in 2010. It makes one wonder exactly what he has accomplished as Majority Leader. Well, here’s a list of his top ten accomplishments:

TOP TEN ACCOMPLISHMENTS OF HARRY REID AS MAJORITY LEADER

10. Got a bi-partisan group of Republicans and Democrats to request that he use less aftershave.

9. Got lost in a coat closet.

8. Ranted on C-SPAN about how everyone in D.C. smells.

7. Forgot his pants on thirty-two separate occasions.

6. Was repeatedly warned not to bite children touring the Capitol.

5. Started a filibuster that didn’t end until he was removed by security from the express lane at the Piggly Wiggly.

4. Has angrily shaken his fist more than any other Majority Leader.

3. Has on repeated occasions responded to questions about Nevada with really confused looks.

2. Wrote an intergalactic defense bill after being startled by a helicopter.

And the number one accomplishment of Harry Reid while majority leader…

Continue reading ‘Top Ten Accomplishments of Harry Reid as Majority Leader’ »

Save the Planet, Hold Your Breath

A new rant from Zo on liberals and global warming:

Random Thoughts

If you asked me what I liked least about liberals, it would probably be the fascism.

Pearl Harbor started the policy that if you attack America, we destroy you and one other country of our choosing.

Why do liberals need federal money for abortion? Can’t they just start a “Stop the Babies!” charity? “Right now there are babies waiting to be born and ruin people’s lives. We can stop that. With your help.” See, you can voluntarily spend you money on others. It’s called charity. I’m not sure who came up with it.

To show their solidarity, the Copenhagen attendees should all wear pointy hats with the words “the science is settled” on them.

I get confused sometimes. I once rolled up the dog to whack the newspaper. It was the New York Times, of course.

If I ever got a Nobel Peace Prize, first thing I’d do is turn it into a weapon.

The police report said curiosity killed the cat, but it looked to me more like it was a shotgun.

I spent all that time watching Sesame Street learning to count and I haven’t used those skills since.

lolterizt! Part 96

This week terrorists, next week That One. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.



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My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Chuck:

From Neil:

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From Robert:

Three from Travelwise42:

From Shelley:

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This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:


PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

HAT TIP: Snapped Shot for handy links to ripe-for-captioning photos.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.