Did you know we signed this thing called the Outer Space Treaty? Here’s what Wikipedia says about a part of it:

The Outer Space Treaty represents the basic legal framework of international space law. Among its principles, it bars States Parties to the Treaty from placing nuclear weapons or any other weapons of mass destruction in orbit of Earth, installing them on the Moon or any other celestial body, or to otherwise station them in outer space. It exclusively limits the use of the Moon and other celestial bodies to peaceful purposes and expressly prohibits their use for testing weapons of any kind, conducting military maneuvers, or establishing military bases, installations, and fortifications (Art.IV). However, the Treaty does not prohibit the placement of conventional weapons in orbit.

Basically, this has been ratified by everyone except a few countries whose space programs consist of a fifty dollar telescope.

So no nuclear weapons on the moon. We can use conventional weapons, which I guess means we can hit the moon with a sword. Not very impressive.

Here’s the thing, though: What if we need to declare war on the moon? The treaties wants us to use the moon for peaceful purposes, but that seems to assume the moon is peaceful. I argue it is not and must be dealt with.

We’re going to have to break this treaty. The only way you can legally break a treaty is to challenge all the countries who signed it to a contest of strength and beat them. The traditional contest is log throwing. We need to practice.

Q. How many Al Gores does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. He’ll warn others of the impending doom if the light bulb isn’t change, but he won’t lift a finger himself.

* * * *

MAN: If that light bulb goes out, it will get dark in here.

AL GORE: If you don’t change that light bulb, the arctic will explode and the moon will eat us.

MAN: I’m not sure that’s right.

AL GORE: The Science! is settled!

MAN: Are you a scientist?

AL GORE: In an alternate universe I’m a scientist.

MAN: I’m not sure that’s right.

AL GORE: Your children will all die if you don’t change this light bulb.

MAN: I’m not even sure it’s about to go out.

AL GORE: When will you be sure? When the light bulb prompts trees to come alive and build nuclear weapons?

MAN: If it’s such a concern to you, why don’t just change the light bulb.

AL GORE: Now you’re just distracting from the issue! We don’t have time to argue about this! You need to change the light bulb now! If you delay any further, the earth will flip upside down making Australia king of the world!

MAN: I’m not sure that’s right.

AL GORE: You’re a denier! You’re a crazy person! I’m going to bite you in the eye!

MAN: You don’t seem well.

AL GORE: This is what capitalism leads to! Light bulbs in threat of going out everywhere! We need more government controls to force people like you to change light bulbs!

MAN: If you try and force me to do anything, I will punch you in the nads.

AL GORE: You hate Science!

MAN: I’m not sure what the ranting and ravings of guy who majored in government and had a C average has to do with science.

AL GORE: I’m very smart!

MAN: I’m not sure that’s right.

Have the Republicans tried reverse psychology to get more supporters for freedom. They could be like, “Democrats are right, freedom is too scary and too much for the American people. We need to face reality and get rid of these freedoms.”

And everyone will be like, “Uh-uh! I can handle freedom.”

And the Republicans will be like, “Nah. We don’t want to burden you with that. Let’s just do what the Democrats say.”

And everyone will be like, “No! Never do what Democrats say! Push them down wells!”

Just a strategy to think about come 2010. If that election year isn’t a slaughter of monumental proportions, then I’m labeling the Republicans a failure.