No matter where you go in life, never forget where you came from. This is especially useful in finding your car.
Archive of entries posted on 2nd December 2009
Excerpts from Obama’s West Point Speech
In case you missed Obama’s speech last night, here are some excerpts from it:
“As a compromise with my left-wing base, I’m going to be holding this anti-war protest sign throughout the speech.”
“If victory starts happening, I won’t actively try and stop it.”
“War is expensive, and I just can’t see putting a large amount of money into something that doesn’t create a giant government program.”
“I think we can still achieve… what’s that words again… starts with a ‘v’ and rhymes with ‘hickory’?”
“I want you to know we support you. Bill Ayers even promised me he won’t blow you up.”
“You should know I’ve made progress in getting rid of the ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy; it’s now half gone as I’ve gotten rid of the ‘Don’t Ask’ part.”
“Just feel lucky I took time out of forcing a health care bill on the American people to talk to you.”
“The reasons this decision took months wasn’t me ‘dithering’; that was me completely not caring.”
“America has always been at the forefront of… oh, this is more of that ‘American exceptionalism’ boilerplate. I’m just going to go ahead and skip it.”
“I assure you, I don’t want you to fail. I just don’t really care that much whether you win.”
“It may seem like I’m failing horribly as a leader, but I’m just trying to generate a lot of press for myself so I can get my own reality TV show.”
“Gitmo. Torture. As a liberal, I’m legally required to mention that any time I talk about the military.”
“And that’s as hawkish as I can sound without causing my base to screech at me in their tiny, high-pitch voice. Really, whenever I stir them up, it’s like I made a bunch of alarm clocks angry at me.”
“While campaigning, I said Iraq was just distracting from the conflict in Afghanistan. Now I kinda see why you’d want to distract from it, because I really don’t want to deal with it either.”
“Know that of the people who will be trying to kill you, very few are what you’d describe as ‘close friends’ of mine.”
“Oh man, I’m so bored just talking about this. Anyone want to hear about health care instead?”
“I know this is hard for you military people, but try not to be a bunch of nazis about this.”
“I’m not really feeling it with you guys. I should have given this speech at East Point.”
“I want you to know that no matter what happens, no matter how dark things get, I will always be here to remind you that this is all Bush’s fault.”
“In closing, can someone help get this bucket off my head?”
Random Thoughts
I won’t believe Charles Johnson has gone completely off the rails until I see an animated GIF illustrating it.
So, to liberals, the only winnable wars are those we aren’t focusing on. When we focus on them, then they’re Vietnam again.
Lesson learned: Liberals are completely unserious when it comes to war; never ever listen to them.
The reason Obama is bumping the Charlie Brown Christmas special is to head off Linus from publicly starting a Tea Party.
So we’re all agreed that the defining song of this decade is “Poker Face”?
If you think the press is bad for Tiger Woods, realize that God is recording everything you do and will use it against you.
Note for anyone following me: I did an open sarcasm tag 15 years ago and still haven’t closed it.
I don’t think Obama is going to convince me his heart is in the war unless he strangles a member of the Taliban on stage.
Note to Coors: In an ad about your history, it would be less distracting to refer to your founder as “Mr. Coors” than “Adolph Coors.”
Mass genocide really ruins a name for everybody. I don’t when was the last time I saw a kid named “Pol Pot”.
Today is the day I finally check to see what Wikipedia has to say about ninjas.
At least now that we see Obama’s elaborate plan we know why it took so long.