Archive of entries posted on 22nd December 2009

lolterizt! Part 97

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This week terrorists, next week That One. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.


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From Basil of IMAO and Basil’s Blog:

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My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From me (Harvey):

From macmanus:

From Elwin:

Also from Elwin:

From RightHooks of Right Hooks:

From BillyD:

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This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

HAT TIP: Snapped Shot for handy links to ripe-for-captioning photos.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

The New Compassionate Conservatism

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As conservatives plan a comeback, we need to be careful not to be wield too harsh a conservatism so as to scare off moderates. That’s why we need compassionate conservatism. Here’s the tenets of that as I understand them:

TENETS OF COMPASSIONATE CONSERVATISM

* When someone is starving on the street, we don’t point and laugh.

* When we shove hippies into crates and ship them to Antarctica, we put in air holes.

* We kill our enemies (relatively) quickly.

* When we drown orphans’ puppies, we don’t do it in front of them.

* We only punch an individual hippie in the face once per half-hour.

* We send illegal immigrants back to their home countries instead of into the sea.

* We believe terrorists should only be tortured in dire circumstances such as a ticking time bomb scenario or extreme boredom.

* After we get an unconditional surrender from a country, we stop bombing them.

I know some of these will be hard to follow, but it will make you feel like a nice person.

Announcement of Colony on Mars

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I am starting a new colony on Mars. It will be called Libertytown City. Not everyone will be invited. It will have liberty, respect for individual rights, and lots of red rocks. Maybe you’re saying to yourself, “But I don’t like liberty and red rocks.” Then this colony is not for you. You probably won’t be invited anyway.

PEOPLE WHO AREN’T INVITED TO MY COLONY ON MARS
* People who are whiny.
* People who are sissies.
* Sparkly vampires.
* People who find freedom scary.

Only good, freedom-loving people are invited to my colony on Mars. When the colony is first founded, we will have an ice cream social to get to know everyone. Then we must get to work. We’re going to make dinosaurs with rocket launchers on them to protect us. We will declare war on the moon. And we will be free, as no liberals will be allowed on Mars. They can maybe go on Phobos or Deimos — I really don’t care — but Mars will remain liberal-free. It’s the only way to protect liberty because as soon as liberals get scared they attack and bite liberty. We don’t put up with that crap on Mars.

So anyway, I’m just announcing my colony on Mars that not everyone will be invited to. I don’t know what day it’s happening, but while you wait you can sing a song like “There Are No Cats in America” from An American Tale except change it so it’s about how there are no liberals on Mars (I couldn’t get the meter working myself).

Random Thoughts

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I’m tired of peanut brittle. I want a more structurally sound peanut treat.

People don’t want freedom. People want a physical, god-like entity that can guarantee their every need.

Any victories for freedom today? No? Maybe tomorrow.

I think we give Senators and Representatives too many freedoms and need to start taking them away.

Gay marriage advocates always use the inevitable argument; shouldn’t the NRA use that on the last 10 states without right to carry?

The more I think about, the more I see the wisdom in the quote from Dumbledore’s mother’s tombstone.

The universe is so big it seems small, if that makes any sense (it doesn’t).

I tried baiting Rand Paul followers, but the results were pretty disappointing. Good news for Rand Paul.

How many smart choices gain the great excitement of stupid people?

Idea: Before a vote, Senators must pass a quiz demonstrating knowledge of what’s actually in the bill.

In the future, I’m going to stop giving out ideas for free. They will be $20 each.

I think I’m omniscient… or at least I can’t think of anything I don’t know.

I mean I’m sure I’m omniscient. That would suck to know everything except whether or not you’re omniscient.

Finally watching Anchorman. Hard to imagine it had a script.