 |
I’m watching this health care debacle, much as I’ve done for the last – what… year now? – and I’m trying to understand the dynamics.
I don’t know how many times it’s been proposed, amended, introduced, and re-introduced since it first set its diseased, cloven hoof on the political scene. I’ve also lost count of how many times it’s been rejected in Town Halls, protests, polls, and elections.
All I know is that it comes at us and we kill it
Then it gets back up & keeps coming.
Obviously Obamacare is some species of undead monster. And if Hollywood has taught me anything (besides the fact that the Superman franchise in unsalvageable now matter how many times you re-boot it), it’s that all undead monsters can be re-deadified, but you have to do it right.
For example:
—–
Werewolves: silver bullet
Zombies: head shot
Vampires***: cross, garlic, silver, sunlight, decapitation, wooden stake through the heart, immolation.
—–
Upon searching this list for common denominators, it seems that a silver bullet to the head would pretty much kill anything.
Thus the only remaining problem is finding the head on a 18-inch tall stack of papers covered in socialistic lawyer-speak, a task akin to finding the head on a tribble.
Sadly, however, it could be that health care bills – being headless – are simply impervious to standard re-deadification techniques, meaning that we’re dealing with some sort of Michael Myers/Jason Vorohees/Freddy Krueger thing.
Now, I haven’t seen all 27 of those movies, so I’m a little fuzzy on the complete list of techniques attempted, other than to note that nothing that was tried actually worked.
So, if all else fails, we’ll probably just have to take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.
*** Re: Sparkly Vampires – By definition, sparkly vampires are not real vampires, much as iron pyrite (which is also sparkly) is not real gold. As far as I know, the only way to get rid of sparkly vampires is to throw the DVD in the microwave and hit the “popcorn” button.
The common Democrat soldier charges forward from the trenches at the behest of superiors and is slaughtered by Maxims and Mausers. We should drop leaflets on them; “Why do you turn your wives into widows for Pelosi?”
Let us not end like the Germans.
Another analogy, Harvey: Obamacare and the Democrats are just like a hornet’s nest that keeps on swarming. The stinging buggers just won’t take no for answer. The more you swat at em’ and kill ’em, the more they pour out of their hive and attack. It’s best to smoke ’em out in the early a.m. when it’s cold and they’re sleepy… put ’em to sleep with smoke and then toss the nest on an open fire.
November, 2010 – leave ’em flopping and twitching on the floors of polling booths all across the country!
(actually, the analogy fails because I actually like hornets – they pollinate my apple trees when the honey bees are few and far between! Oops. But Democrats – not so much.)
> throw the DVD in the microwave and hit the “popcorn” button.
I couldn’t breathe for 5 minutes after that. When I caught my breath, I shared what I had read. Wife didn’t think it was the least bit funny. That made me laugh for another 5 minutes.
Don’t you know that elections have consequences?
If we vote for Democrats we get socialized medicine; but if we don’t vote for Democrats, Obama will scold us and then force socialized medicine on us anyway. After all, he won.
Healthcare bills, like Friday the Thirteenth movies keep coming back because they keep making money.
Find out who’s making money on this bill and then nuke Them from orbit.
(2010)
As I learned from watching Pet Semitary II, after you’re sure the monster’s dead, go back and shoot’em again. That usually works.
(2012)
Ah, the Zombieland double tap. Also, the healthcare bill does have a head, I just can’t mention it and talk about weaponry at the same time with getting a visit from the Feds.
Real vampires have a name they privately call sparkly vampires…gay.
“… all undead monsters can be re-deadified…”
Apparently you’ve never had to deal with that Jason fellow in the Goalie Mask. You just can’t deadify him -though I suspect a slapshot to the groin area would allow you to get away for a while. Also, never vacation anywhere near a lake with a store nearby that sells machete’s and if you get ill, just avoid those dark hospitals and killer tomatoes and you should do alright..
But what about the monster from Jeepers Creepers? The beat they could do was kill him for a while, but he always came back.
Napalm them. Ever since we let the left bully us into closing the Napalm factory the left has gotten unbearable. Since Napalm is easy to make and homemade “Napalm works just about as well I think we could bun the somnobeeches out.
The only good line in that whole awful movie: “I love the smell of Napalm in the morning! It smells like victory!” No wonder the left hated Napalm.
Napalm, huh? Worked on Tarantula (1955). Might work here.
Other things that might work:
Oxygen destroyer
Biplanes (or maybe beauty)
Getting the other bills to gang up on it
Trick it into either swallowing an oxygen tank or walking onto an electric floor.
Flamethowers
Or maybe extreme cold
BTW, a lot of what we know about killing monsters
was totally made up bywas carefully documented by Curt Siodmak. So if anyone can talk to the dead, please give this guy a call and ask him to write us an effective extermination method.