With all this saving stupid animals from extinction that no one cares about, it’s nice that we’re finally manning up and talking about making one go extinct: the mosquito. They’re a pest, no likes them, they don’t help anyone with anything. Let’s just get rid of them. It just seems like a great idea if we can pull it off.
Next thing to make extinct: squirrels. They annoy me, and I don’t think we need them for anything either. After that, the elephant seal. I don’t know why, but it just rubs me the wrong way for some reason.
So if they start taking votes on what animals to make extinct, what do you want to be rid of? You can’t all say, “Hippies.”
cats
Well, you can’t simply ignore the irrefutable connection between the presence of hippies and the presence of bugs.
Texting.
Liberals. They claim to be animals, they don’t act human, and do not have human intelligence.
Don’t get rid of the squirrels Frank, they are very tasty.
Koala bears.
Oh, and Mimes.
Clowns! There is something very very strange and scary about Clowns!
OK, so who is the douchebag who thought this one up? I sit on my deck every night and watch my buddies (bats) fly back and forth eating mosquitos! So what will the bats eat now? Idiots!
Hippies!
He didn’t say none of us could say it, did he now?
P.S. House Sparrows. They killed my Chickadees. 🙁
does this include plants?—if so poison oak
I think we should set up a theme park with genetically engineered, previously extinct animals and allow paying hunters to shoot them back into temporary extinction. Sort of a cross between Jurassic Park and Westworld, with everything from wooly mammoths to dodo birds to that creepy hippie uncle nobody likes at Thanksgiving, all available for re-extinction.
Me, I’d want to take a shot at a passenger pigeon. Because I can’t hit their non-extinct relatives using a 12-guage, and maybe they flew slower and straighter than those tough to kill little fellows we have around nowadays. Or a Carolina Parakeet. Stupid bird, going extinct before I could catch one alive!
Pigeons.
Short haired chihuahuas. No dog should shiver that much. 😉
Coydogs, the blasted things have no fear of humans and are even more predatory than full blood coyotes. If we need to get rid of the coyotes to do it, than so be it. A pack of one or the other killed my friend’s Rott. 🙁
Whales: Let’s put Greenpeace out of business.
Spotted Owls: Let’s put NW loggers back in business!
Give it up, Mean Old Man – we’re nine times harder to kill than any other animal and little old ladies will kick your ass for trying.
Dirty hippies? Or is that an oxymoron?
Well, if we’re getting rid of squirrels, I’ll have to modify the Squirrel/Bottle Rocket Collider project and make it the Nieghbor’s Cat/Bottle rocket collider project.
That’ll work though…
Snakes. I be hatin me some of dem G-d d%^&$ Mot7929 Fuc*&^$&* Snakes. Especiallies when dey be on da plane wit me.
Dogs. I hate dogs.
Yays for Jonathan Gardner
Boos for Iowa Jim
And if you look in the streets around my house, it seems the squirrels are doing a good job of making themselves extinct. They think they’re so smart (like Obama?) by trying to cross the busy street by shimmying along the utility line that crosses overhead. Then they fall and get splatted by a Volvo. Ha. Stupid squirrels.
I can’t believe everyone missed the obvious! democrats. if anything deserves to be extinct.
Kommiefornistanis. 90% of the problems on earth have been caused by them.
Grasshoppers. They stain the windshield and look like democrats.
DamnCat, you fool, if cats were so great they would have killed all of the House Sparrows by now. Dogs are too busy saving grandmothers from fires and whatnot.
We can’t get rid of cats, they kill pests like bugs and mice.
If we get rid of cats, who will pee on my bed? And don’t tell me that it’ll become MY responsibility.
I can’t imagine Alaska in the summer without whine and the bite of mosquitoes, or noseeums, or gnats for that matter. It just wouldn’t seem right not having the odor of Off on every bit of clothing I’m wearing on any given summer day. Just ain’t natural I tell ya.!
Rachel Carsons. The original Rachel Carson wrote “Silent Spring” which led to DDT being banned in the early 1970s. It’s been claimed that up to
three Billion people have died of malaria and other diseases spread by mosquitoes and other bugs that could have been safely and quickly killed
by DDT. If you live in an area that’s being infested with the spreading bedbug tsunami, DDT almost made them extinct back in the 1940s.
Rachel Carson, patron saint of the greeniacs.
@Jonathan Gardner
Leave the whales alone, make greenpeace extinct
If squirrels become extinct what will we huff at people who mock the economy?
LASER WIELDING ROBOTS! LASER WIELDING ROBOTS! LASER WIELDING ROBOTS!
I didn’t get any further than that.
I’ve spent many lonely hours feeding squirrels in Central Park, and I would miss them greatly. They come to trust you very quickly, and in no time will munch away on their peanut while perched on your knee. Some become so brazen, they crawl right into your bag of nuts. You could totally trap them if you were so inclined.
One day, as I marveled at their trusting nature, a red-tailed hawk swooped down and nabbed one of the little guys. He didn’t even fly off with him, just to a branch right above me. He eviscerated the poor thing right before my eyes. It was truly gruesome, as marvelous a sight in NYC that the hawk was. Maybe that’s why there are signs that say “Please Don’t Feed The Animals”. I never did it again.
Nowadays I try to feed the homeless when I can. They’re pretty trusting too. But I never let them touch me. Sometimes, every once in a while, I wish something would swoop down on them…
Humpback Whales.
Follow me here on this one. OK, everyone loves Star Trek technology, right? Well, in Star Trek, humpback whales were extinct until Star Trek IV, when some were brought back to chase off some alien probe, or something. The point is, at that point we had most of the cool technology, like warp drives, phasers, and the ability to beam democrats into open space. But the humpbacks were extinct.
How do we know there isn’t a connection?
Maybe the process of making them extinct was one of the key steps in developing this technology? How will we know if we don’t wipe them all out. Really, if you stop and think about it, how will we ever advance as a species with the humpback whales holding us back.
Sure, some will be sad to see them go, but they can always relive the humpback experience with holodeck technology, featuring holograms of the humpback whale’s final days. And we can charge people through the nose for the program. It’s a win-win.
North American Animal Liberation – they say there’s too many humans, they go first.
If there were no mosquitoes, then there would be no gin & tonics.
Kill the Delta Smelt.
Once the last one has been killed,
Irrigate again…
rwichmann
“Dirty Hippies” is not an oxymoron–it’s a redundancy!
That’s it then. We off the mosquitos, squirrels, cats, and grasshoppers. Then, we sit back and see what an awesome world it is.
Then, it’s on to round 2, if needed.
Let’s start with the parasites, then work our way up from there.
Hey, wait….
Let’s not lose focus of our priorities.
We ARE getting rid of the hippies FIRST, right?
Here at El Rancho De Las Ardillas in northern Nevada, we’re overjoyed at your plan to eliminate squirrels in the wild.
Maybe then we’ll be able to make some money off these little jerks.
I would like to add stink bugs to the list! Arr, I hate those little scumbags! They were introduced via container ship – no surprise there – and are now stinking their way across the hinterlands of Maryland and Pennsylvania. Poor fruit farmers!
They suck! I mean, stink! If you squash them, you get the smell. If you look at them wrong, you’ll probably get the smell. They are easily offended. I rather stupidly smashed one with my hankie and it smelled so bad I threw away the hankie. They’re costing me money! I hope I don’t have to throw away my dog!
Pesticides are ineffective. Some guy on another website suggested spraying a marigold-water solution against the side of one’s house. Supposedly the bugs hate that smell. Now the smell of marigolds is all over me. Cursed bugs make me smell any way they can!
Do not let them get inside your house! If you have an annoying teenage daughter who leaves the door open, smack her around a little. Close your windows if they aren’t screened! Screen your dryer vent! Thank God you don’t live in fruit country!
My comment about the cursed stink bugs is awaiting moderation. This comment thread is so old I don’t know if anyone will ever moderate it. I blame the dang stink bugs!