Somebody mentioned something about “professional football” the other day. I simply thought they were talking about Auburn and Cam Newton. But, no. As it turns out, there is an organization that consists of grown men playing football on Sunday afternoons.
Who knew?
It’s almost like real football, like they play on college campuses on Saturdays. Or Fridays, if you have a small college, or high school.
But, this group of people are something called the “Eneffell.” I think that’s how it’s pronounced, anyway. Like the letters “N,” “F,” and “L” all rolled together.
I’m not sure. The thought of grown men getting together and playing a kids game? It seems to me it would attract all kinds of riff-raff. Like potheads, murderers, rapists, Chris Rock look-alikes, and other irreputable types.
I prefer the real football. College football.
The players still get paid. Or their dads do. Or their dad’s churches do.
But, they only hang around for four years, then move on to selling drugs or knocking over liquor stores. Or becoming potheads, murderers, rapists, or Chris Rock look-alikes.
The college game even has playoffs and a championship. For three levels. And could have one for a fourth, if someone would just come up with a good plan.
Anyway, this “Eneffell?” I don’t think it’ll last.
I heard of this “Eneffell” thing too. They use phony, nonexistent animals for mascots… like “Seahawks”… and teams can lead their divisions with records like six and six. Unfricken believable. And they play in god-forsaken places like Seattle where the hippies take baths (by accident) by standing in the rain.
What’s that, Basil? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of these loudmouth FBI agents asking my money laundering neighbor if he has anything to do with Auburn University.
[Getting serious for a minute: That whole FBI investigation is probably about casino owners bribing state legislators. FBI really doesn’t care about anyone offering Cecil Newton $180,000 for his son to play football. But that whole bribing a state legislator? Yeah, they kinda frown on that. If those offering the bribes also happen to be on the Auburn Board of Trustees… – B.]
Frank, I can understand how pro football might be confusing for you. You see, the eneffell plays on green fields.
Here’s the thing. Kolledge kriminals graduate to pro krimes after they successfully complete their kolledge careers of assault, attempted strangulation, robbery, and scads of recruiting violations.
Burmashave, do you know why legislators want to regulate college football? Because they want to get involved with something as corrupt as their own sort.
Blast! Sorry Basil, I shoulda checked before I posted. My aversion to blue football fields is always on a hair trigger. My apologies.
[Heck, I just figured that you were going along with the whole “all the IMAO bloggers are just Frank’s multiple personalities” gag.
Or IS IT a gag? – B.]
I don’t have a problem with colleges having football teams, and it even seems like fun to play in a sort of “conference” of nearby colleges. But the whole thing falls apart as a “sport” when you don’t have a playoff system, so it should never be televised or promoted, and certainly don’t spend any money on it over what the girls’ softball team spends.
And I am just about at the point of giving up entirely on the Enefell. One big problem with it: no minor league.
Mebbe we could look at it this way. Pro football is what happens to amateurs when they graduate to a sport that has a rational playoff system.
Kind of the way I felt when I first heard the term “career politician”. Why would we need something like that, let alone pay them money to do it?
Dang it, it’s time to bring back the exeffell.