Being it’s the holidays, it’s once again time to remind people that Kwanzaa is a racist, recently made up holiday that there is no documented evidence of anyone actually celebrating it and you’re a racist to even mention the holiday in a positive manner.

First off, I’ve seen more evidence of bigfoot than of anyone actually celebrating Kwanzaa. I’ve never even heard fourth hand information of someone actually observing the holiday. It’s a myth.

Second, it was just made up in 1966 by some guy who thought blacks should have a separate holiday. We want to encourage that? What moronic racist thinks whites and blacks should have separate holidays? I’m sure you could get the KKK to co-sign that idea.

Finally, considering its a scam holiday some idiotic racist made up, it’s pretty racist to assume black people celebrate it. It’s like some people out there think if you label anything “This is for black people”, they’ll fall for the scam. No. No one’s that dumb except rich white liberals.

In conclusion, the only people who hold Kwanzaa as a positive thing are stupid racists. Don’t be a stupid racist. Especially so near Christmas.

It’s near Christmas, so it seems like a good time to rant about the X-Men.

I like comic books and superheroes, but — other than Josh Whedon’s Astonishing X-Men run which was entertaining — I can’t stand the X-Men. The concept is just too stupid on so many levels and I can’t suspend my disbelief.

One thing, is the constant whining about how discriminated against they are, and you know how much everyone loves it when heroes whine! “People are so mean to us mutants! People say they don’t want their kids in the same school as mutants just because we’ve blown up classroom’s six or seven times!” So while we’re expelling kids for just drawing a picture of a gun, we’re supposed to feel bad that most people don’t want mutants around them who can touch things and cause them to explode. Anyway, the discrimination against them is supposed to parallel homophobia or something (which they’ve made more explicit by having them move to San Francisco), but of course that analogy breaks down pretty quickly. It would be a much different debate if gay people secretly went around in a paramilitary organization blowing stuff up all the time. And know who blows stuff up all the time and whines constantly about being discriminated against? Radical Muslims.

Another thing is how the X-Men being discriminated against makes absolutely no sense in their universe. You can’t swing a dead cat in the Marvel universe without hitting a superhero, and many of them are beloved by the public like the Fantastic Four and Captain America. Still, apparently this conversation happens a lot:

BYSTANDER: “Thanks for saving us!”

SUPERHERO: “Just doing my duty.”

BYSTANDER: “So how did you get your superpowers? Gamma radiation? Super serum? Radioactive spider bite?”

SUPERHERO: “I was born with them.”

BYSTANDER: “AH! FILTHY MUTANT! I DISCRIMINATE AGAINST YOU!”

Finally, are really supposed to buy that the explanation for their powers is evolution? Is that how evolution works now? Animals just one day shoot lasers out their eyes? And explain to me the process where over thousands of years someone would be forced to evolve the ability to phase through solid material or control the weather. If you actually follow the evidence, a much more scientific and logical explanation for the X-Men’s powers is that they’re all possessed by evil demons.

Anyway, sign me up as a supporter for Senator Kelly’s next bill.

Apparently Pelosi is seeking branding advice from Stephen Spielberg. And if you think Spielberg can’t sell awful things, remember that the U.S. gross for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was over $317 million. Then again, that did well for nostalgia for the previous successes, which liberals are pretty short on right now. This is more like how does one market M. Night Shyamalan next film so it’s a blockbuster. It’s pretty hard considering that after opening night everyone is going to know how hilariously bad it is. Seems like the logical strategy is to just give up.

Of course, I like MST3K and RiffTrax. If people didn’t make bad movies, what would they make fun of? And if liberals didn’t keep doing stupid things, what would I make fun of?