Archive of entries posted on 8th December 2010

China to Blow Up Moon?

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One of the most reliable news sources has now confirmed: China is plotting to blow up the moon. We need to stop them.

There has been some confusing with my Nuke the Moon™ strategy thinking I want to obliterate the moon, but this is incorrect and stupid. I want to do nothing so extreme; I just want to nuke it. And then the moon will remain in the sky and everyone will look up to it and say, “There’s that thing America nuked! They may do the same to us! I am scared!” If China destroys the moon, that won’t happen.

They must be stopped.

Unfortunately, our current president is the wussiest guy in all of Kenya and won’t stand up to them. We need someone with conviction to threaten to blow up something China likes, like Belgium. I think I heard China likes Belgium. If they blow up the moon, we blow up Belgium. That will make them think twice.

In My World: Hostage Takers

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President Obama answered the phone. “Hello?”

“This is the Republicans,” answered a distorted a voice. “We have someone you might want to talk to.”

On the line was a new voice. “I’m a middle class tax payer! The Republicans have taken me hostage!” she said unconvincingly. “They say they’ll raise my taxes too if taxes are raised on the rich and won’t extend my unemployment! I am very scared! Please do help me and do whatever the Republicans want!”

The Republican came back on the line. “So, to show you we’re serious–”

“I’LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!” Obama screamed.

There was a long pause on the phone. “Really?”

“Yes; whatever. Just write it down, and I’ll do it.”

“Oh… okay. Cool.”

Obama hung up the phone and announced, “We’re doing whatever the Republicans want.”

“Why?” one of his aides asked.

“Because they have the middle class hostage… or something.”

“No they don’t,” the aide said. “We still have the majority and they don’t have any leverage. Their hostage was probably just Michelle Bachman acting. We can defeat them if–”

“Whatever you’re proposing sounds hard,” Obama interrupted, “and my tee time is coming up soon.”

“Fine. But you’re going to really anger the left-wing,” the aide said.

“We’re really angry!” screeched a high pitch voice.

Obama looked down to see the left-wing down at this feet, shaking their tiny fists up at him.

“We’re going to challenge you in the primary!” the left-wing shrieked.

“Sure you are.” Obama grabbed a wastebasket and overturned it over the left-wing, trapping them inside. “There, I took care of them.”

The left-wing banged their tiny fists on the wastebasket. “Lets us out!”

“I’ll do it later,” Obama told them, “and then you’ll be so grateful to me.” He turned to his aide. “So just write me up some speech saying the Republicans are hostage takers and I had to give in to their demands — but mention that terrorists shouldn’t learn anything from that. And then add that thing we’re always mindlessly repeating about how tax cuts creating jobs.”

“Republicans are the ones that say that.”

“Whatever. Just use it. And add that though we didn’t defeat the rich today, we’ll do it one day and make sure no one has money. Off to play golf!” He then left the room.

“We hate him now!” the left screeched.

The aide kicked the wastebasket. “Shut up! No one cares!”

Random Thoughts

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Is Pelosi complaining about adding tens of billions to the deficit because that’s too little?

Really need a president who will say, “Stop crying about the rich not getting their taxes raised or I will give you something to cry about!”

I’m still not getting all these people so desperate to cut off their nose to spite their face. It’s like a mental disease.

Repeat after me: Someone else’s income doesn’t affect me, and isn’t worth worrying about.

Say some prayers for Elizabeth Edwards’s family, including John Edwards who is most in need of them.

Liberals are going to primary Obama like they were going to move to Canada when Bush was elected.

Things have been going pretty well for conservatives, but it ends tonight: New Special Comment from Keith Olbermann.

Having an infant helps you appreciate the complexity of a dog’s ability to communicate.

Of course, the child will eventually be able to understand complex statements like, “If you keep barking, you’re going back to the pound!”

DHS and the Walmart

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Drudge is reporting that DHS Secretary Janet Napolitano wants you to report on other people.

If George W. Bush had said this, the left would be all up in arms. But, since one of Obama’s incompetents made the suggestion, it’s okay with the left. But we on the right are getting our panties in a wad about it.

Should we?

Heck, I don’t know. Because Big Sis launched the campaign at … Walmart.

The “If You See Something, Say Something” campaign—originally implemented by New York City’s Metropolitan Transportation Authority and funded, in part, by $13 million from DHS’ Transit Security Grant Program—is a simple and effective program to engage the public and key frontline employees to identify and report indicators of terrorism, crime and other threats to the proper transportation and law enforcement authorities.

More than 230 Walmart stores nationwide launched the “If You See Something, Say Something” campaign today, with a total of 588 Walmart stores in 27 states joining in the coming weeks. A short video message, available here, will play at select checkout locations to remind shoppers to contact local law enforcement to report suspicious activity.

You see the problem I have with this, right?

Not that Big Sis wants us to report each other. It’s that they’re asking for suspicious activity at Walmart.

I wonder has she ever been to a Walmart? I was at one the other day, and saw Elvis:

Someone else saw him, too, but in California. On the same day, no less.

But, then, it is a Walmart. Where you can find people like this:

And this:

And this:

And this:

Okay, that’s enough. It’s more than enough. You can see more, if you like.

Anyway, what I’m wondering is, are we supposed to report suspicious people we see at Walmart? And, what’s the criteria for “suspicious” at Walmart? Looking normal?

If I was looking for suspicious people to report, I wouldn’t need to go to a Walmart to find some. There’s this person. And this one.

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