One of the most reliable news sources has now confirmed: China is plotting to blow up the moon. We need to stop them.
There has been some confusing with my Nuke the Moon™ strategy thinking I want to obliterate the moon, but this is incorrect and stupid. I want to do nothing so extreme; I just want to nuke it. And then the moon will remain in the sky and everyone will look up to it and say, “There’s that thing America nuked! They may do the same to us! I am scared!” If China destroys the moon, that won’t happen.
They must be stopped.
Unfortunately, our current president is the wussiest guy in all of Kenya and won’t stand up to them. We need someone with conviction to threaten to blow up something China likes, like Belgium. I think I heard China likes Belgium. If they blow up the moon, we blow up Belgium. That will make them think twice.
Has Bat Boy weighed in on this yet?
I’m glad you were able to use this story; as soon as I saw it I said – FrankJ. Not out loud because I’m not crazy but I thought it.
I find it odd that the article’s author is “Frank Lake.” Hmmmm. Have you been moonlighting, Frank?
I’m with you on the moon nuking. We must not allow… a moon nuking gap!!
Now, if you could plant one under Harvey for some Newsish Fakery, that’d be nice, too. (Seriously, I never understood why he quit writing here.)
Frank needs to sue China for stealing his idea. Since China has all of our money it would be a great way to save the economy, get Frank rich, and insure Buttercup can afford a college education. A win for all. Fred Thompson has played an attorney. Case closed.
Of course, this could be a fake story from the Weekly Word News. They did a story about the space aliens meeting Bill Clinton. Tht was a fake. The space aliens are not that sleazy.
Then we will blow up chopstick factories and they will all starve to death. Even if they try and retaliate by bombing fork and spoon factories we have already planned by building the spork and hiding them in plastic containers in many business all across the country they would never find them all.
Is anyone really surprised that China would steal someone else’s idea? It’s a commonly know ancient American secret that they do this. I have some home made Pine Tree root and Bald Eagle bladder blend that will help calm your nerves.
Oh and if you have some spare time could you lend a hand with this really big wall I’m thinking about building. It’s gonna be huge, like you could see it from space sorta huge.
I think it’s time we blow up Hawaii. We can annex some other Pacific rathole if the Navy complains about losing their base.
Wait a minute, the Weekly World News is available online? Finally I can read some decent punditry from Ed Anger instead of the wussies at NRO!
Go ahead and call me Chicken Little, but I think there may be a small problem of the sky falling if, or when, China blows up the moon. Or at least big things like moon parts falling out of the sky. Moon parts falling on my roof, my car, or my self could seriously ruin my day.
Son of Bob is right. Bat Boy is our best hope. Well, either Bat Boy or a pre-emptive strike. I’m always for a pre-emptive strike, even when there’s nothing to empt.
Belgium? Nah, I think they’re more attached to California, so that’s the one we blow up. It rids us of a huge wad of parasites at the same time.
Unfortunately, our current president is the wussiest guy in
all of Kenyathe known universe.There. Fixed it for ya.
Mock WWN story if you want, but remember the words of Agent K: “Sure CNN gets lucky sometimes, but this is the best investigative journalism in the world.”
Of course the WWN story is hilarious. But, some of the comments on that story are frightening.
Holy crap cptnmoroni, those comments – I hadn’t even read them. In all fairness it took me several months to understand that this was a humor site, too, so maybe they’re just a little net slow like me.
OT but Frank I just watched Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. I liked it. A bit slow to get going but once the fighting began the story gelled well. The gay friend actually worked well in the story. Funny, not flaming. The 80s retro Atari motifs were really cool even though I absolutely hated that gaming genre. I think Kick A$$ and Scott Pilgrim are my 2 favorite recent films.
I think this China blowing up the moon rumor is a lie. China’s got a good thing going now. With Teh Clueless Won in the White House, China’s viewed as the World’s superpower. They can tell Obama to go get them a pizza and he’d do it.
Can imagine the bad pub China would get if all sizes of Moon parts started falling all around? Every one would be saying things like “Thanks a @#$%&*! lot China, we now have a giant crater where Belgium used to be. Will you look at that mess! You’ll be hearing from our attorneys!”
Whoa, wait a minute I think there’s some confusion here. What the Chinese were really talking about can be found here: http://www.commercial-inflatable.com/Sale-Cheap-Moon-Walk-16021.html As you will see these are made in China and they have the potential to create thousands of jobs. Remember you can choose whatever you have favor in your mind…and that’s important
Belgium!? Nooooo!
Won’t somebody think of the waffles?
We should protect the Moon by launching Barney Frank into it.
Then when his face is stuck in the Moon and his butt is up in the air pointed toward Earth, we could go “Hey, China, would you really hit that?”
And they’d be all “Ew.”
I think the Chinese Science! Czar just saw that crappy
SPACE:1999 series with Martin Landau and Barbara Bain
and want to take the Moon out for a nuclear explosion powered spin.
Why a 1975 sci-fi show would interest them is beyond … oh, I see.
I know what kind of crap I get from China every time I go to Wal*Mart. I am not afraid of China. Their nukes will break just minutes after they take them out of the box. There is even a notice on the box that states if the product fails to operate as expected please don’t return it to the store. Call 1-800-Chinesesh*tsucks (And it does, rearry rearry bad)
Hey wait a minute, I liked Space: 1999. Remember, we only had like five channels then; you had to watch what was on.
And Atari kicked ass. I’ve never forgiven them for replacing my joystick (shoot button on top) with these complicated controllers. Space Invaders, Yar’s Revenge, Asteroids…it was all good.
zzyzx – well, they maybe your best choice.
It looks like they grabbed those images stright from the 2002 movie “The Time Machine” http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0268695/
Leave it to the Chinese to rip that off too!
They’re itching to blow up something. I think blowing themselves up would solve their food, housing and procreation problems, as well as being a boon for the rest of the world.
I vote for that- and they can take N Korea with them.
That’s right Anniee451 and remember they have their own certificates of EN71, ASTM and ISO standard after tested by SGS. What more could you want?