Compassionate Liberalism

Liberals have a great idea: Let’s take children’s toys and destroy them in front of them!

You know how conservatives tried that “compassionate conservatism” thing? With liberals and their over the top hatred for people who disagree with them like Sarah Palin and Tea Partiers, they’re desire to kill inconvenient babies, and how they like to take Happy Meals from children and now smash toys in front of them, do you think liberals will ever try out “compassionate liberalism”?

Yeah, I know: “Shut up, wingnut!”

Hey, I got something compassionate right here for your dumb monkey face!

What Homeland Security Does on Its Day Off

Janet Napolitano says the Department of Homeland Security is “working 24/7, 364 days a year to keep the American people safe.”

BTW, Palin is stupid.

So what is Homeland Security doing that one day a year they aren’t working to keep Americans safe? Here are some possibilities:

WHAT HOMELAND SECURITY DOES ON ITS DAY OFF

* Design elaborate death traps for Americans like in Saw.

* Groping practice.

* Work on a virulent superbug that could wipe out humanity.

* Help out terrorists to give them more challenge for the next year.

* Hold an office building hostage while they steal bearer bonds.

* Use all the personal information they’ve collected on Americans to do prank calls.

* Murder hobos.

* Rig Dancing with the Stars voting.

* Cause extremely hard to stop oil spills.

* Work to make sure Obama gets reelected.

Year in Review

Here’s the Jib Jab year in review:

Wasn’t exactly a great year to start this decade. As a kid, I would have thought in 2010 we’d have bases on Mars, flying cars, and rocket boots, but instead even stopping an oil spill is too big a technological challenge. But we do have the iPad, which is pretty nifty.

I know some people are starting to worry that America’s awesome days are over, that will never be like the 80s again, but we got through the dark days of the 70s and we can do it again. Just we have a few players on the field who should be on the sidelines, but that’s not forever. In the new year, let’s work solely on awesomeness.

Random Thoughts

Darth Vader would be a neat weatherman. “The forecast for tonight is SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!”

I think liberals without conservatives would be like random mutations without natural selection. You’d get weird, mishapen things.

Every bad conservative idea was once a liberal idea conservatives of that day didn’t properly crush.

“‘I swear you drive me to drink,’ I said to my wife as she dropped me off at the bar.”

So do some of you have a joke based on the phrase “Goonies never say die!” waiting for when one of the actors from The Goonies dies?