Janet Napolitano says the Department of Homeland Security is “working 24/7, 364 days a year to keep the American people safe.”
BTW, Palin is stupid.
So what is Homeland Security doing that one day a year they aren’t working to keep Americans safe? Here are some possibilities:
WHAT HOMELAND SECURITY DOES ON ITS DAY OFF
* Design elaborate death traps for Americans like in Saw.
* Groping practice.
* Work on a virulent superbug that could wipe out humanity.
* Help out terrorists to give them more challenge for the next year.
* Hold an office building hostage while they steal bearer bonds.
* Use all the personal information they’ve collected on Americans to do prank calls.
* Murder hobos.
* Rig Dancing with the Stars voting.
* Cause extremely hard to stop oil spills.
* Work to make sure Obama gets reelected.
She later appologized stating that she thought it was a leap-year… hehe
We don’t like to think of it as murdering hobos. I tend to put that into the “free-range recreational hunting” category.
Oh, and you left out:
* Combating global warming.
* Working for social justice and redistribution of wealth.
Oh, wait, you said “on its day off.” Those two things are part of their mission and handled during work hours. Sorry.
I think it’s pretty obvious that they are neglecting the one thing they SHOULD be doing, and that is developing laser-eyed dinosaurs. Surely they could spare the odd Saturday for a little r&d.
Two words: Panic eating.
Knitting doilies.
Watching reruns of “Gillagan’s Island” in Farsi.
Writing Biden’s speeches.
Maybe they take that day and help NASA make Muslims feel better about not having technolgy or contributing to technological advancements since the early 700’s.
Here you go:
(CNSNews.com) – At an all-day White House conference on “environmental justice,” Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano announced that her department is creating a new task force to battle the effects of climate change on domestic security operations.
Speaking at the first White House Forum on Environmental Justice on Thursday, Napolitano discussed the initial findings of the department’s recently created “Climate Change and Adaptation Task Force.” Napolitano explained that the task force was charged with “identifying and assessing the impact that climate change could have on the missions and operations of the Department of Homeland Security.”
That one day off is used by her and her agency to collude with the FCC to control free and unfettered access to the internet. Her motto: We can’t control the border but we can control your ability to complain about it.
Fly to the South Pacific for an island tipping contest with the military.
Wax the floors in all 57 DHS state HQs.
Revoke Sarah Palin’s travel visa so she come back to America from Alaska.
Revoke Sarah Palin’s travel visa so she can’t come back to America from Alaska.
(Man, I’m having a bad typing day today)
Oh, come on, Frank. Comparing the DHS to the late, great Hans Gruber? You should be ashamed of yourself.
Hummm…must be difficult typing with paws. Perhaps a declawing is in order.
* Making sure FrnakJ is always number two in any poll and then laughing evilly.
At least they’re competent at something.
364 days in a year, eh? Well, I always thought she was :
A few beers short of a six-pack.
A few cards short of a full deck.
A few clowns short of a circus.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Missing a few buttons on her remote control.
Three french fries short of a happy meal.
The wheel’s spinning, but the hamster’s dead.
She’s got an intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
She just might be an experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
Don’t sugarcoat it like that Jimmy…tell it like it is.
You can’t work 24X7 365 and also do a good job training people in anal probing and nad rubbing! That’s what TSA Christmas is for. All TSA agents go to what they think is a TSA Christmas party but when they arrive they are told to get in line and then it suddenly goes down hill from there! Those who don’t pass must try again so many TSA agents will have to go to the back of the line for some more manual anal searches and scrotum pullin’! If they do get it right, then they have to get in line for their turn. It is quite an annual event!
* Practise full cavity searches on each other to see if they can discover any cavities they missed
* Play “Pin The Tail On Janet Napolitano”
* Attend The Ron Jeremy Seminar On Advanced Patdowns
* Watch the “Best Of The Scanned Babes At The Airport” video
* A seminar warning on how they can catch leprosy from a pat down of Nancy Pelosi
They always take a day off for Ramadan…so that the terrorists will like us.
The question really is, “What do we do on their day off?” How will we protect ourselves when Janet and crew are not on the job?
The irony about Janet, was that Obama decided she was qualified to run Homeland Security, because she was Governor of a state, from which you could see Mexico from some places within it. I always wondered if one of those places was Janet’s house.
BurmaShave, we might be better off if Sec. Incompitano and crew are not on the job. Somebody might actually do something effective in their absense.
You know who handles DHS on their one day off? Illegal immigrants. They do all the jobs Americans wont do!