How to Get True Conservatives in Political Office

Here’s a funny Onion video:


Man Becomes GOP Frontrunner After Showing No Interest In Government

They have a fake quote from Hot Air in it, but really this is something I’ve argued time and time again: A true conservative would have to be dragged kicking and screaming into office. For instance, I like Palin’s biography, but the one thing that’s always made me suspicious of her is that she one day woke up and said, “I’d like to become a politician.” What conservative would do that? Wanting to go in government and interfere with other people rather than work in a real job is a liberal impulse, and thus anyone who shows interest in public office is already compromised in their conservative principles. We keep complaining about how the Republicans end up as just Democrats lite, but that’s because instead of us electing conservatives, we elect politicians. If we want to find people who will actually tear down government and won’t spend our money, we need to find people who don’t want to be there in the first place and don’t care about staying.

My solution: Change the House of Representatives to be like jury duty. People are randomly selected from their districts and have to serve for two years whether they like it or not. If we don’t want the usual sociopaths attracted to running for office, we have to end running for office.

23 Comments

  1. Best idea since nuking the moon while punching a Hippy!

    I think you could even get majority support for this idea with minimal effort given that polls routinely show 45%+ support for the idea that people picked randomly from the phone book would do a better job than the current congress.

  2. “kicking and screaming” not to mention “biting and scratching.” Imagine a Legislature or Congress full of pissed-off people.

    “You know, Joe, I REALLY don’t wanna be here today.”
    “Yeah, me too, John.”
    “Hey. Lets vote to shut this place down.”
    “Okay! Lunch?”
    “Denny’s.”
    “You got it.”

  3. The real reason I’m a conservative is because there’s no chance anyone would vote for me to fill any government post. Really. But in case mass insanity strikes and I’m elected to some political office, my first act will be the requirement that all government workers must be binge drinkers. That way, all government workers will be way too hungover to show up for work, the government is closed for the day, life is good. Repeat as necessary. Which is every day.

    Remember, if they’re too drunk and/or hung over to come to work, it’s like “death takes a holiday.”

  4. But what if the guy you like goes by a Nom de Plume? He might not be a citizen, or he might be a dino robot or some such. Oh, I fogot, anything is better than what we have now.

    The good news is that I got Charles Murray’s autograph today. He laughed at my story and even got me to tell him my real name. Well, not actually my real name, but my real nickname.

  5. Frank,

    Under normal circumstances, you would be absolutely correct. Twenty years ago, anyone who wanted to be elected to a political office was a power-hungry idiot that should absolutely never be elected to any office. However, in the past few years as we’ve watched socialists destroying every facet of our country before our eyes, unchallenged by the current crop of useless Boehner-like GOP’ers, I don’t know of many true conservatives that haven’t given at least some thought to the possibility of getting in and fighting the good fight to win our country back.

    I do like your jury duty idea, however, if we get to the point that life in America returns to normal we will have a problem. Because, conservatives are usually smart enough to get out of jury duty.

  6. Make it like Jury Duty?? Moi? Not only no, but HELLZ NO! I had the great displeasure of spending my teens and twenties in Northern Va. I swore when I left that the ONLY way I would ever lay eyes on DC (or the majority of the East Coast for that matter) would be through the sights of my firearm.

  7. “One of the many major problems with governing people is that of whom you get to do it; or rather of who manages to get people to let them do it to them: It is a well known fact, that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. Anyone who is capable of getting themselves into a position of power should on no account be allowed to do the job” – Douglas Adams.

    I vote for the Man in the Shack.

  8. I say we develop a computer who will take a phone book from each state and randomly select our representatives. Now there will be guys like me who will change their names to Dusty Trunks or Willie Getup to avoid serving but we might get some smart people in DC. I would not serve because I have the attention span of a nat! I would be having my staff insert matches into shoes of long-talkers and lighting them on fire, if someone introduces stupid, I’d get all 400 congress men/women to urinate into a garbage can, we’d then wait for stupid to be in his office and we’d lean it against the door and knock and run like the dickens! We’d be flushing lit Cherry Bombs down the toilets to see what happens and all sorts of fun stuff. And did I mention Bimbos? Lot’s of Bimbos!

  9. “… as all history informs us, there has been in every state and kingdom a constant kind of warfare between the governing and the governed, the one striving to obtain more for its support, and the other to pay less.
    And this has alone occasioned great convulsions, actual civil wars, ending either in dethroning of the princes or enslaving of the people.
    Generally, indeed, the ruling power carries its point, and we see the revenues of princes constantly increasing, and we see that they are never satisfied, but always in want of more.
    The more the people are discontented with the oppression of taxes, the greater need the prince has of money to distribute among his partisans, and pay the troops that are to suppress all resistance, and enable him to plunder at pleasure.
    … There is scarce a king in a hundred who would not, if he could, follow the example of Pharaoh – get first all the people’s money, then all their lands, and then make them and their children servants forever.
    It will be said that we do not propose to establish kings.
    I know it.
    But there is a natural inclination in mankind to kingly government.
    It sometimes relieves them from aristocratic domination.
    They had rather have one tyrant than 500.
    It gives more of the appearance of equality among citizens; and that they like.
    … But this catastrophe, I think, may be long delayed, if in our proposed system we do not sow the seeds of contention, faction, and tumult, by making our posts of honor places of profit.”
    – Ben Franklin’s address to the Constitutional Convention

    How many millionaires do we have in Congress these days?
    And how many BECAME millionaires while in Congress?
    Oops! Sorry, Ben!
    We can’t say you didn’t try to warm us!

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