There really doesn’t seem to be a rhyme or reason to Obama. We have revolutions going on in the Middle East, Japan in complete crisis, and budget battles at home, so what does Obama do? Write an oped about gun control. Why? The public doesn’t care about gun control right now, and enough time has passed since the Arizona shooting that even the left isn’t talking about it. Obama keeps all his statements about gun control very moderate, but one has to wonder what’s his purpose in trying to create momentum in an issue people are fine with it being left alone.
Anyway, based on Obama’s actions, I’ve made a guide to his past and future solutions to big, real world problems:
OBAMAS SOLUTIONS TO HUGE PROBLEMS
High unemployment = Health care reform
Huge oil spill = Windmills
Record deficits = High speed rail
Earthquake hits Japan = Gun control
Terrorist attacks = Education reform
Deadly flu outbreak = Net neutrality
China gears up for war = More regulations on greenhouse emissions
Supervolcano under Yellowstone erupts = Better child nutrition standards
Nuclear attack = More funding for the arts
Alien invasion = Legalize gay marriage
Must be some complex thought process that leads from these problems to Obama’s solution. Or maybe he just doesn’t care or understand the problems going on and just wants to pursue the left-wing agenda he thought he was elected for. People have conspiracies about Obama not being born in America, but he sure doesn’t seem to live here now.
You forgot:
No Federal Budget = Anti-bullying Initiative
and the default response – GOLF!
Lose House to the Republicans = Repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
Lowest approval ratings ever = Go golfing
Skyrocketing gas prices = Condemn bullying (by anyone other than a union thug)
Union thug riots = Go out for some ice cream
When in doubt = Blame Booosh!
You were close:
It’s not ‘alien invasion = gay marriage’ but
‘Oh shoot! They’re on to my level of incredible suckiness and an election is coming! How can I look more neutral?’ = gay marriage
If aliens invade, Obama will grant them amnesty, and by legalizing gay marriage, he circumvents any laws regarding alien probes.
Awesomeness in a can.
All of this behavior does showcase things that Ulstermans “white house insider” has been saying about him being aloof, distant, Valerie Jarret/michelle O run the white house and are defacto president.
There is, of course, one issue that he believes will solve itself. Because it’s not an issue at all to him.
Illegal immigration = Do nothing
Earthquake/thousands dead/tsunaumi….. = NCAA basketball bracket.
Bucket stuck on head = raise gas taxes
Freedom riots in the Middle East = Invite JLo and Oprah over for football
Massive explosion and oil spill in the gulf = order more arugula for the White House kitchen
Economc collapse = build Ted Kennedy museum
Yes, more regulation of guns, that’s what we need. Because, people who use guns to commit crimes usually obtain them legally…umm.
He seems to have all the symptoms of ADD, ADHD, OCD and neural VD (syphilis).
Questions about wishy-washy campaign = Eat waffles
Random jackassery = Hold beer summit
Any world crisis = Disappear for 4 days; resurface; fire up TOTUS; make incoherent and contradictory comments
Any issue regarding children = Embarrass own children by using them as public object lessons
Still worried about what O’bummer will do about the middle east. Are there Sunni days ahead, or will the Shiite hit the fan?
Any sort of crisis at all = Solemnly assure the populace that he is carefully considering all options, while carefully considering – ooh, a unicorn!
Obamaaintmymama
Perhaps, based on your Shiite comment, you can answer this. I watch a lot of animals shows on TV and those animals are always sniffing butts and even piles of poop. Why is it that animals like poop but people don’t. I never saw and animal of any kind go “Oh yuck, that’s poop!”
I think Obama is a gay, muslim who was bullied because of his ghey muslimness as a child and therefore he thinks we need green energy so that fat, smelly stupid kids won’t get attacked with nuclear strikes by Kentucky Fried Chicken so they are growing shamrocks at the White House to ward off evil spirits who want NPR funding cuts and they are out to kidnap TOTUS!
Is it just me, or are all of these missing step 2?:
“2. ???”
Nuclear meltdown – time to golf (61st outing since in office).
Our own Emperor Nero
Radioactive fallout from Japan hits west coast = spend billions for lead lined umbrellas..
Wife’s badonkadonk is too big = Vacation in Rio!