Hey, did you hear the news? Obama has a jobs plan! And he’s going to actually appear on the TV set to tell us all about it?
Oh, you already heard? Then, you’re as excited as I am about it, aren’t you? Yeah, I thought so.
*Yawn*
Here’s the thing, though. Have you noticed what’s been happening to Obama as he tries to schedule things?
First, Obama absolutely has to tell us all about this awesome plan he has. But not today. Next week. When the Republicans are scheduled to debate. On NBC.
(By the way, don’t NBC and Obama talk any more? Maybe when Obama gets up in the morning, he doesn’t wake NBC. Then, he’s off to the golf course before NBC even gets out of bed.)
Anyway, Obama wanted to give this oh-so-important speech on Wednesday, September 7, the same night as the GOP debate. Then Claire Shipman’s husband came out and said, “The Republicans can move their debate. It’ll be okay with us.”
And NBC was, like, “awkward!” Then John Boehner (he’s the Speaker of the House or something) was all, like, “No, I’m doing my hair that night, so do it another night.”
So then Obama said he’d do it the next night. But then someone realized that the NFL was playing that night. (On a Thursday night? I thought that was reserved for 2nd-tier college football teams.)
Then Obama was all, “Oh, football? I forgot about that. We didn’t have that in Kenya when I was a boy.”
So, now, it’s still Thursday night, but at 7:00 PM.
Which means that the east coast gets to hear Obama speak, but the left coast will be at work (those that work, anyway) and not able to hear him.
What does all this mean?
It means that we’ve now discovered we can treat Obama like the pretty girls treat the nice-but-don’t-want-to-date-him guy from school.
Make an excuse for a date, and he’ll merrily go along.
“Hey, America? I was wondering if maybe you’d like to go out for a hamburger after study?”
“Oh, Barack, that’s so sweet of you to ask. But I’m doing my hair. Some other time, huh?”
“Okay then, America. How about the next night? We could head over to the Bijou and catch that new movie I heard you talking about?”
“Oh, Barack, that’s so sweet of you to ask. But I’m getting new wallpaper for my room, and I need to make sure everything is just right. You understand?”
“Sure I do, America. What about an early dinner then. Something quick, maybe?”
“Oh, Barack, that’s so sweet of you to ask. But I’ve got cheerleader practice, and just won’t have the time.”
You see? We could do that. We just need to line up excuses. Then, when Obama wants to do something, like give a speech or raise our taxes or push some gargantuan health care bill down out throat, we can offer up an excuse and he’ll put it off till some later time. We keep that up until January, 2013, and the problem takes care of itself.
Now, we just need some excuses.
Any ideas?
“Barack. We don’t love you. Go away.”
I can’t pretend to be a girl.
The brainless youth and urban welfare crowd have already come up with their own excuse. Once Obama ran out of hopium he wasn’t worth hangin’ with anymore…
“Oh sorry, Barack, I have vet appointment that day.”
Well Barak…..I’d love too…..but you’re stupid!!!
Why, why, why, why is anyone, even his supporters, surprised about this. He has NO experience in creating jobs. Heck, I’m not sure he’s ever held a real job (as opposed to community organizer and law professor which aren’t real jobs, ask anyone who has to really work for a living). He’s never balanced a checkbook, made payroll or been audited. The things this person has never done outweigh the things he has done 10 to 1.
And unless something has changed and it hasn’t, only 7 % of his cabinet has any real live job experience (and that doesn’t mean as lawyers or working in government, it means making something useful or providing a service that doesn’t depend on extorting money from someone else.) . Kennedy had 40%. How can you create something you have never experienced before? Well you can do it badly, which is what they have been doing for the last 2+years.
Sorry, Barry, your green jobs are a sham, your plans for socializing America are a disaster and you are worse than useless, you are the impediment. Please find some REAL experts, and get out of the way.
Oh and while you’re cleaning house spend some time sweeping up the partisan mess over at the DOJ. They’ve not only become an embarrassment they’re walking the fine line between irritation and torch and pitchfork firesales.
“I don’t like you ‘that way’.”
I would love to Barack, but I need to teach myself to play the Banjo.
I would love to Barack, but I am in the middle of an intense game of Candyland with my little sister.
Seriously, you have not gotten the hint yet Barack, OK – I don’t want to go out with anyone who needs a teleprompter to ask me out. Also you are a socialist wanker with no idea how to run a boyscout troop, much less a country. Go. Away.
Unfortunately America did go out with him once, and apparently had too many Ultimate Mango Berri Daquiris and wound up waking up like a badger in a trap with him. Now America may have to get a restraining order. Eventually he’ll give up and wind up telling all his buddies that America was a fat, weird, loser chick who was into all kinds of kinky crap like balancing budgets, and was really into following this freaky Constitution thing.
This is very off topic but did anyone see this scarry article.
Frightening!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
seanmahair:
So, we’re just one big happy family? I guess I know who’s Big Brother.
Sorry Barry, but I need to re-lace all my tennis shoes…
Sorry Barry, but I need to edit the Wikepedia entry on Stefan Mazurkiewicz…
Sorry Barry, but I have to re-align the Geisseler tubes in my flux capacitator…
Sorry Barack, but my compost pile needs turning.
Sorry Barack, but I have to pump out my septic tank.
Sorry Barack, but I have to have my dog’s anal sacks reduced. Have you had yours done?
Sorry Barack, but I’m already married… to the Constitution… you jackwagon!!
Basil & seanamahair:
So the government is a family now? like the Mafia? Makes sense.
Sorry Barack, I have to set my hair on fire while I gouge out my eyeballs and plunge my head into a vat of boiling hot oil! Then I’m going to listen to paint dry.
Sorry but the football team is coming over tonight to watch the game.
I can’t tonight, sorry. You’re still going to drop off my homework though aren’t you? You’re so sweet.
Oh, I’m sorry, Rick Perry already asked me to the prom.
Barack: Congress, I’d like to give a speech.
Boehner: Sorry Barack, I’m applying my spray tan that night.
Barack: But I haven’t said which night.
Boehner: I’m busy that night too.
Oh sorry, we are stockpiling our bunkers that night.
While we check our schedules that we left out in the car, you just wait here and play with this bucket.
Dinner AND a movie if we bring our credit card? We’ll have to ask our fathers. Our Founding Fathers.
seanamahair, didn’t read it all but one line was very MSNBCish with something about how the Family would continue to Lean Forward to help the states …. But this is the party that once referred to taxes as contributions and now calls tax hikes raising revenues.
Thursday? Thursday? Mmmmmm….let me see. How about never?
Oh I’m so sorry, the new Elle arrives on Thursday.
Sorry, Barry, Friends is on Thursday night.
Oh, that’s the night I feed my goldfish. You wouldn’t want them to starve, would you?
Barry who?
Sorry Barry, my soxk drawer needs reorganizing.
I guess that makes Barry the weird Uncle who couldn’t keep a job and smelled like Cheetos and Nanny Nancy the crazy grandmother who talked to herself and tried to milk the bull. Gosh don’t you just love family.
So, now, it’s still Thursday night, but at 7:00 PM.
Which means that the east coast gets to hear Obama speak, but the left coast will be at work (those that work, anyway) and not able to hear him.
Sure they will there is no one with a job in that place. Oh wait if you listen to gubner moonbeam, they have a plan.
***************
Sorry barry but we have Bible study and target practice that night.
Sorry barry, but we can’t find another Klingon for a double date.
Sorry barry, but we just got over the std that billy gave us and we don’t need what your shoveling.
Sorry barry, but we can’t go with you anymore, you don’t drink tea!
Sorry Obama, I have to go wax my pet monkey…
Sorry Obama, I’m clinging to my guns and religion that night…
Sorry Barry, and why do you smell like band-aids?
…, I am harvesting street pudding that night
…, but I’ll be washing my hair, out of the country that night
…, but I prefer stronger, more masculine men… like Steve Erkel
…, but I am getting a musket to my junk that night
…, but it’s $9 vomit shots at Club Wretch
Sorry Barry, I have my Austrian lessons that night …
Sorry Barry,
I’m going running with Sarah Palin
Somebody just sent me a “SCOAMF” T-shirt
I hate it when a guy brings a teleprompter on a date
I already have a date that night to the Marine Ball