In real life, if a man dressed as a bat ran around punching criminals really hard, how many people would he accidentally kill?
“It’s against my principles to ever kill anyone. I just punch people really hard in the head and hope for the best.” -Batman
Obama hasn’t dealt with worse opposition than any other president; he’s just whined about it a lot more.
I don’t even like politics. It’s just hard to write hack clapper humor about the weather.
What is it about Sesame Street’s Abby Cadabby that makes me instantly hate everything about her? She’s like a muppet Kristen Stewart.
5-Hour Energy, I’m not sure a really old guy in a cowboy getup is someone who makes me think of “energy”.
Obama should be worried about Romney since Romney is a felon with nothing to lose.
Where is the Intrade betting for how many people Romney will shiv in prison?
Condolence cards would be a lot more effective if people put money in them like with birthday cards. “Sorry your dad died. Here’s twenty bucks.”
I’m thinking of now referring to myself as a “provocateur” since I like to poke the neighbor’s dog with a stick.
So, as I understand things, 1999-2002 were the evil years of Bain and that’s why Romney denies he was in charge then?
Pitch for wacky comedy: Barack Obama as the CEO of a corporation.
Obama is saying that Romney is shifting blame onto others, doesn’t care about the deficit, and is named Obama. #projection
Romney should have learned from Obama: Never ever do anything; it only causes you to have a record to be attacked on.
People only ask for photo ids so they can see your race in your photo and be racist against you.
BREAKING: Obama refuses to apologize to Romney, though he will bow to him.
If either Romney or Obama really need to change the subject quickly one day, just come out as gay.
To connect with voters, Romney should drive around in a pickup truck. But so it’s not pandering too much, the truck should be solid gold.
When did the PC become the redheaded stepchild of videogame consoles?
You say “Bless you!” when someone sneezes, but what do you say when someone coughs? I go with “Quiet, you.”
Apparently condolence cards are now supposed to include money for Obama. “Sorry your dad died. I gave twenty bucks to reelect Obama.”
So that we’ll all wish we were dead, presumably.
5 Hour Energy: you can expect energy for several hours. Okay, 20-30 minutes. Okay, you’ll get a buzz. Can coffee do that? Huh? Yeah? Oh, damn.
Frank J.’s random thoughts on Mondays are always target rich. Mondays are good.
Obama hasn’t dealt with worse opposition than any other president; he’s just whined about it a lot more.
I believe it was that whacky political strategist Joe Goebbels who said, “If you whine loud enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe.”
Sadly, Average Joe, as he liked to be called, was right.
You say “Bless you!” when someone sneezes, but what do you say when someone coughs? I go with “Quiet, you.”
I go with the polite, “Anything come up?”
I’m thinking of now referring to myself as a “provocateur” since I like to poke the neighbor’s dog with a stick.
We think of you as more of an agent provocateur. Maybe an insurance agent provocateur.
@Mxymaster – not exactly. Condolence cards are not required to include money for Obama’s reelction – but those that don’t are taxed $20.
I shaved my head before taking my drivers licenses photo so could grow hair later and confuse someone demanding my I’d for voting or whatever. Rage against the machine.
“Pitch for wacky comedy: Barack Obama as the CEO of a corporation.”
I like it!
Joe Biden – the insane Chairman of the Board
Jay Carney – the smarmy, inept salesman
Tim Geithner – the conniving weasel accountant
Eric Holder – the oily, disingenuous, self-serving office snitch
Hillary Clinton – the overbearing, sexually ambiguous office manager
If that super creepy guy in the 5 hour energy ads told me to drink something, I’d run. Since the people in the ads don’t, I’ll assume they’re Obama voters.
When will Bloomberg announce that you can only buy the .5 oz size, would they have to change the name to 2 hour energy?
@DamnCat:
Nancy Pelosi – batty Vice President of Human Relations. Rarely seen during the daytime (see link).
Harry Reid – incompetent, dumbass Product Manager. Products are always late and over-priced.
Barny Frank – gay Chief Financial Officer with books that never balance. Has trouble sitting down.
I went into a game store the other day, and there were rows and rows of console games. In a little bin in the corner, there were some PC games from like the early 2000s.
I don’t like stupid consoles and the console kiddies that play them. The TV is for watching football on! And consoles are for using to watch netflix when there isn’t any football on!
DamnCat, how long do you suppose it will take until your corporation needs a bailout?
“If either Romney or Obama really need to change the subject quickly one day, just come out as gay.”
Obama already came out the night he tried to throw a baseball.
Oh woe is we when we realized the missed opportunities of enjoying the chances to project the soft bigotry of low expectations on the newly discovered white Hispanics when we failed to ask for an I.D. Never again!!1!!1.
@zzyzx – that’s would make a good story line – Obama’s company applying for a government bailout.
SCENE – Conference Room
Biden: “If we’re going to pull this off we need to pretend that our company is broke.”
[everyone looks at each other]
Obama: “uh, yeah, pretend. Riiight, Joe.”
[everyone nodding, eye-rolling, murmured agreement]
Biden: “Timmy, we’ll need to hide all our profits for the last 3 quarters.”
Geithner: [opens a small tin box, extracts a few bills and sticks them in his shirt pocket] “Consider it done, chief.”
Damncat… to finish the scene Batman flings in through the window, punches each of them in the face, and growls “My hippie face punching is done the for day,. Justice is served.” After Batman leaves, Obama, hiding under a desk, crawls out and breathes a sigh of relief, muttering “He missed me.” Batman yells back “I don’t punch women and children!”
“Pitch for wacky comedy: Barack Obama as the CEO of a corporation.”
No, that’s a horror movie! Then zombies attack, take over the company, and the business actually does much better.
I always say “bless you” regardless of the bodily function. Someone hacks up a loogie? bless you for disposing of that safely. Silent fart attack? bless your heart and the soul of the dog you ate. Sings off key? bless you and Simon Cowell.
I think Romney’s tenure at Bain & Company and Bain Capital is a weakness because it associates him with vulture capitalism even though some in the media try to cast it as a strength. Come November more and more people will realize that buying companies, raiding their pension funds, and offshoring their operations is not a good background from a head of state. By the way, the summer movie season and specifically the Dark Knight Rises should help. I came across this website and thought it was funny. It says that Romney may be the Bane of Existence using a pun involving the villain Bane and Bain Capital.
Only a desperate Obama could make a successful business carreer a negative! If he was able to make failing companies successful, just this of what he can do with a failing (high unemployment, poor education, sky-high debt, etc) country!
Remember, “The buck stops with You!”
http://www.glennbeck.com/2012/07/16/obama-speech-causes-pat-to-run-around-studio-screaming/
You ever think that coke heads might not want to focus on other people’s supposed bad behavior so much?
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