WASHINGTON (AP) – After twice dodging reporters’ questions on whether Tel Aviv or Jerusalem was the capital of Israel (it’s Jerusalem), White House Press Secretary Jay Carney later repeatedly declined to identify the capital of the United States.

The White House transcript reveals the exchange went like this:
______________

“Look, I’m just not very good at geographology, OK? Leave me alone!”

CONNIE LONG (USA Radio Network): Ok, Jay, here’s an easier question – what’s the capital of the United States.

CARNEY: I haven’t had that question in a while. Our position has not changed, Connie.

LONG: What is the position? What’s the capital?

CARNEY: You know our position.

LONG: I don’t.

CARNEY: Ok, well, you know that position where you have one foot on an ice floe, and one foot on a glacier, and the ice floe is slowly drifting out to sea, and your legs are spreading further & further apart and your pants rip because you don’t want to commit to moving either foot, so eventually you just fall into the icy water and get eaten by a walrus?

LONG: I don’t, but Lisa Murkowski might.

CARNEY: Well, that’s the position Mitt Romney’s in from twisting President Obama’s words by quoting him verbatim.

LES KINSOLVING (World Net Daily): Did you just change the subject?

CARNEY [looking down, shuffling feet]: …nnnnnnnoooo…

LONG: What’s the capital of the US, Jay?

CARNEY: Well, as has been the position of this administration from the beginning on this very complicated question, there are many conflicting theories. At one time or another, cities such as Philadelphia, Baltimore, and New York City have all served as America’s capital. To say that any of them are no longer the US capital, simply due to the mere passage of time, would be to disparage their service to this nation. It may also constitute unjust racial discrimination, as most verbal statements do. For example, when Mitt Romney said “Anglo-Saxon“.

KINSOLVING: You’re changing the subject again.

CARNEY: Your face is changing the subject!

LONG: What’s the capital of the US, Jay?

CARNEY: Well, again, our position has not changed. It’s very complicated. It could be lots of cities. Like Sacramento.

KINSOLVING: Sacramento’s the capital of California.

CARNEY: In one sense, yes, but Sacramento is a “capital”, and since it’s within America’s borders, it can be described as being “of the United States”. So if you were given two cities, like Sacramento and, say, Winnipeg, you could say “Sacramento, the capital of the United States”.

LONG: You COULD, but only an idiot WOULD.

CARNEY: Did not!

LONG [impatiently]: Jay… what’s the capital of the United States?

CARNEY: According to Mitt Romney, who refuses to admit the truth about it: BAIN Capital! HA!

JIM TREACHER (Daily Caller): Obama ate a dog.

CARNEY [sniffles, cries]: You’re mean! I’m telling! [runs off stage]
______________

After the press briefing, the three divisive reporters who hurt Mr. Carney’s feelings were barred from the briefing room and suspended without pay pending the completion of sensitivity training and an apology where they say it like they actually mean it.