Archive of entries posted on 5th July 2012

Is It Racist To Call Obama a White Girl’s Name?

Posted by on

In the sitcom Scrubs, Dr. Cox is forever referring to intern John “J.D.” Dorian by girls’ names (complete list here).

In the comments, Just Somebody [High Praise!] referred to President Obama thusly:

Geez, at least Bush would have showed up in jeans and asked for a shovel. Mary looks like she just blew in from the salon. Ewwwww dirt…

Now, “Mary” is – stereotypically speaking – a “white” girl’s name, so it’s probably racist to apply this to America’s First Black African-American of Color President.

If you MUST deride the Commander-in-Chief’s manhood, I submit this list of more racially-sensitive monikers:
______________

* Oprah

* Venus

* Serena

* Beyoncé

* Tyra

* Whitney

* Condoleezza

* Maya

* Halle

* Rosa

* Aretha

* Moesha

* Mahalia

* Whoopi

* Latifah

* Rihanna

* Coretta

* Mo’Nique

______________

Also, please don’t use “Michelle”, since that name may be offensive to Wookiees and/or Klingons.

Are the Liberals Begging for Second Round of Dog Wars With This Video?

Posted by on

As Jim Treacher points out at the Daily Caller, some wacko pro-Obama group made a commercial referencing the “Romney put his dog on the roof” story:


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #20,260)

Weirdly, the producers of the video, Save Our Environment Action Fund, don’t exist anywhere on the internet except by name in stories discussing the video. Nobody knows who they are or who’s funding them.

Anyway, the important thing is that, after getting their asses handed to them in the first round, the left apparently wants to try again.

Guys, it didn’t work for the British in 1812, and you’re not even as smart as the British (worse teeth, too.)

Here’s my volley:

So… Obama ate a dog jokes… smoke ’em if ya got ’em.

Promoted Comment: The Biggest Lie About Electric Cars

Posted by on

NO_MO_BAMA [High Praise!] left this in the comments, and I thought it deserved a little more attention:
______________

Sources conflict on the number of pounds of coal to create a kWh of electricity:

* Dept. of Energy: 2.1 lbs.
* Arizona Public Service Company: 1.1 lbs.
* CoalEducation.org: 0.8 lbs. (big surprise that the coal industry claims the greatest efficiency)

Transmission and distribution losses are estimated to be 7.2%, so our adjusted figures would be 2.25, 1.18, and 0.86 lbs. per kWh respectively.

An average household uses around 920 kWh/mo. If they got all their electricity from burning coal, that’s 2070 to 791 pounds of coal per month.

(Incidentally, coal-fired plants are only 37-44% efficient at converting coal to electricity.)

The MINI-E has a 35 kWh battery pack but only 80% of the pack is usable which means it has 28kWh of available power. That 28kWh can move the car between 90 and 120 miles depending on how efficiently you drive. It is less in the winter months because the heater uses a lot of energy, but for most of the year these numbers are correct as an average.

Therefore: it takes up to 63 POUNDS of coal to go 90 miles!

hmmmmmmmm… I wonder what pollutes more…burning 63 lbs of coal or 3 gallons of gas?… hmmmmm…
______________

UPDATE: Linked by TexAgs.com

Link of the Day: Obama’s New Theme Song

Posted by on

From Feed Your ADHD:

Desperado: The Official Obama 2012 Campaign Song

Excellent parody lyrics.

If you’re not familiar with the Eagles song “Desperado”:


[YouTube direct link]

Just the lyrics.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

I’d Support Obamacare If It Included This

Posted by on

[via Very Demotivational]

Full disclosure: I’d actually disassemble this and make 100 smaller bacon-burgers with it. But I swear by Grabthar’s Hammer, I would eventually finish the whole thing.

UPDATE: I knew I’d seen this before. It was from a Burger King in Tokyo:


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #1,280,673)

1050 pieces of bacon.

Click here for the background to this story.

Obama Issues Executive Order Granting Amnesty to Colorado Wildfires

Posted by on

COLORADO SPRINGS (AP) – After stopping in Colorado to tour the sites where firefighters had been working around the clock to prevent the fires from spreading, President Obama held a press conference calling a halt to the efforts by Executive Order, declaring that the fires were “just as American as you and I, and they have a right to stay here.”

Surprisingly, the administration’s “virtual border fence” plan has failed to keep these blazes in check

“These fires came to our country with a dream,” said Obama. “A dream of a better life. A life of plenty. Of vast expanses of combustible wood far beyond the hopes of burning held by their brethren condemned to short brutal lives by oppressors who held them in campfire enclosures or at the tips of cigarettes. They longed for the right to travel freely throughout this state and this nation. Today they exercise this right, but are threatened by those who seek to eliminate them. I declare today that I will protect their right to flame freely throughout this country, burning the things Americans aren’t willing to burn, like their homes and families.”

Attorney General Eric Holder agreed that the federal agency responsible for controlling the number of fires in the United States, Ignition and Combustion Enforcement (ICE), would hereafter “prioritize” enforcement of laws against what right-wing critics call “illegal immolants”.

“First of all,” said Holder, “it’s racist to call these fires ‘illegal’. They’re ‘unextinguished Combustion-Americans’. Second, we simply don’t have the manpower to control who burns what where all the time. The DoJ is stretched pretty thin right now, trying to keep the Florida authorities from discriminating against Deceased-Americans by kicking them off the voter registration rolls.”

“Besides,” added Holder with a sly wink, “we need a few good infernos to help dispose of some ‘executive privilege’, if you know what I mean.”

Footprints in the Sand: Obama Edition

Posted by on

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with Barack Obama.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to Obama.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned Obama about it:

“Obama, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you’d walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me.”

Obama replied:

“I love you and I would never leave you.
But during your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
you were a bit of a political liability,
so I had to keep my distance.”

The man looked at the footprints again:

“And why are there also tire tracks from a bus
over those lone footprints?”

Obama nodded and started to move away:

“Yeah, I probably shouldn’t be seen talking to you.”

Doing Nothing Tax

Posted by on

Sorry I’ve been away from political commentary for a week, but I see the Supreme Court decided that federal government can now tax us for doing nothing. You can just be sitting around your house, bothering no one, not buying health care insurance, and then — BOOM! — tax. That sucks, because doing nothing is like one of my favorite things. But now the IRS will probably be putting monitors on our couches to tell how long we’ve been sitting on them and then tax you for that.

Man, it used to be the Democrats would just sit around all day trying to think of new things to tax, and now they don’t have to think of anything anymore since nothingness is now taxed. Oh well, I guess that’s why we need to get the Republicans back in charge as they’ll probably only tax us for things we do like drinking, smoking, and earning an income — all the things the government wants to discourage us from.

But man, were we hoping the Supreme Court was going to strike down Obamacare, but then Roberts went all crazy. I mean, even the people who are happy he upheld the individual mandate are like, “I’d hug Roberts for this, but I don’t want to get the crazy on me.” No one knows how he got to his “unconstitutional punishment, constitutional tax” stance, but that Constitution is always full of magical new things the courts keep discovering.

So, we still need to take down Obamacare ourselves. I keep using the analogy of a kid getting a toy he really wanted for Christmas with the liberals being the kid. With our hopes that the Supreme Court would strike it down, that was like the kid getting his precious toy, squealing with glee, and then soon after he took it out of the box to play with it, it broke. That didn’t happen. So instead the kid will get to play with it a while, and then, using the legislature, we’ll wrest the toy away from the kid and smash it in front of him. And since Republicans have figured out they can use reconciliation to get rid of the mandate, all they need is a majority in the Senate to strike down Obamacare which most people think they will get this year. Then they just need a president who will sign off on that. So, you know, that guy — Romney. We’ll have to rally behind him. But won’t it be worth it to see tears and snot stream down the face of an inconsolable child?

UPDATE: Linked by Finance Bar

Random Thoughts: Backlog of Thoughts

Posted by on

“Did your house burn down in Colorado? Instead of rebuilding, consider sending your insurance money to the Obama campaign.”

So as I understand it, poor sick people were dying constantly before Obamacare but then they stopped but will again if it’s repealed?

I don’t even know how our Republic survived those hundreds of years before Obamacare.

I like how Valve went with episodic content for Half Life so they could release new content quicker.

“If the Supreme Court rules the way the majority of the public wants it to, it will lose the public’s trust.” -liberals

Headbutting is kind of hard to practice.

I think liberals’ hysterical reactions to the Supreme Court may cause our country to lose faith in hysterical liberals.

A violin and a fiddle can’t be the same instrument. One takes years of training and the other a toothless hillbilly can play.

“I am altering the Constitution. Pray I don’t alter it any further.” -Darth Bader Ginsburg

Pelosi: “We need to pass it and months later have the Supreme Court rule on it to find out what’s in it.”

What do you get someone for their “my hugely unpopular law is at least Constitutional as a massive tax” celebration?

I have a way to use this new unlimited tax power to stimulate the economy: tax whining.

By the time I retire, Social Security will be a robot that disintegrates you with a laser when you are no longer a tax contributor.

Oh. I can’t play the game I paid $60 for because Battle.net is experience a “high volume of traffic.” Thanks, Blizzard.

So when would be a more convenient time for me to play Diablo III, Blizzard? How can I better fit this around your schedule?

Apple had a good run, but by far the biggest innovator this year is Taco Bell.

If I understand Fast & Furious, Agent Brian Terry being shot was exactly the sort of thing they hoped to happen so they could collect data?

Was that data useful?

“What’s your plan?”
“First, we sell guns to Mexican drug cartels…”
“You’re fired.” -competent DOJ

So, as I understand it, the only unintentional mistake of Fast & Furious is that someone other than Mexicans were killed?

“300 plus people are dead.”
“I know! Think of all the data!” #Fast&Furious

Because of childhood amnesia, people don’t have any real memories until age 4, so I’m okay just ignoring Buttercup until then.

I don’t get why there are so many Telly Monster-centric plots in modern Sesame Street.

Telly Monster existed back when I watched Sesame Street, but I don’t even remember him. Now he’s in every episode.

I never minded when Obama bowed to foreign monarchs, but it did bother me when he curtsied.

Watched some Buster Keaton. That guy is like Jackie Chan with a bunch of WYSIWYG stunts.

“No one can be told what the matrix is. You have to see it for yourself. Union rules.”

So are we going to be taxed now for not doing stuff, because not doing stuff is one of my favorite things.

I guess Anderson Cooper was waiting to come out until Tom Cruise was single.

“I know I’m fair and balanced because I anger both sides.” -Charles Manson

They finally found the Higgs Boson? How is he doing? Is he okay?

I remember when I last saw the Higgs Boson. It was a bar on a Friday night. We talked about last night’s Seinfeld episode. Long time ago. When the Higgs Boson didn’t show up at work the next Monday, we were concerned. A week later, his wife was inconsolable. But everyone loved the Higgs Boson. “We will find him!” they vowed. “We will put the best scientists on this and we will find him.”

I’m glad they found the Higgs Boson. I wanted scientists to confirm that matter exists before I invested in real estate.

_______________

UPDATE: Linked by Hatless in Hattiesburg

Most Portable Rifle Ever

Posted by on

Henry Arms AR7 Survival Rifle Kit

Everything you need is stuffed into the the stock:

When disassembled, the pieces fit inside the impact-resistant, waterproof stock, which will float should it take a trip overboard. Assembly is as easy as attaching the receiver to the stock, inserting the barrel and screwing on the barrel nut. In just a few seconds, without the need for any tools, the Henry U.S. Survival AR-7 is ready for action.

The Henry U.S. Survival AR-7 comes standard with a sturdy steel barrel covered in tough ABS plastic and then coated with Teflon for complete protection against corrosion. Plus, it’s engineered for perfect balance and the ability to maintain its tack-driving accuracy, even after thousands of rounds.

Action video at the site. The guy has it assembled & firing in 30 seconds.