1) A slogan: “Romney: The Cure For B.O.”
2) A warning label for the President:
3) On the post-Obama economy:
Archive of entries posted on 12th July 2012
Who Will Star in “Love and Blogging: The IMAO Story”?
Ernie Loco [High Praise!] commented:
“If I heard of a movie where the plot was some guy was going to hold a ‘contest’ to get chicks to send him photos of themselves so he could pick the hottest one to marry, I’d roundly criticize Hollywood for coming up with such a stupid, unbelievable premise.”
Like that’s ever stopped Hollywood.
So, who do you like for the following roles?:
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* Sarahk
and the judges:
* Frank J., genius extraordinaire and creator of IMAO
* Doug the T-Shirt Guy, capitalistic owner of ThoseShirts.com
* Emperor Misha I, ruler of the blog The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
* Harvey, author of the blog Bad Money and winner of the contest that never happened and will not be mentioned again
* Bill Whittle, brilliant essayist and guy in flight suit from Eject! Eject! Eject!
* Blackfive, victim of the French’s greatest military victory ever (he got a reprimand for insulting a French General)
* John Hawkins, pundit/interviewer/humorist of Right Wing News
* Glenn Reynolds, author of Instapundit and supreme overlord of the blogosphere
______________
Normally I’d suggest the dad from “Family Ties” (Michael Gross) for me, but he’s getting a little long in the tooth to pull off a convincing Harvey.
I’m thinking Benjamin Walker, who shows he knows what a beard is for in “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”.
If you don’t recognize most of the names on the above list, that’s fine. Either select actors’ names at random, or just pick for Frank & Sarah.
If nothing else, you can always suggest a better name for this sappy little chick-flick.
Obama Venn Diagrams
Slapotics [High Praise!] is following the controversy wherein the Romney campaign used two overlapping circles and 3 chunks of text to illustrate a criticism of Obama’s policies:
Some liberal dipwad complained that it’s not actually a Venn diagram (although Romney never claimed it was), because it didn’t illustrate overlapping sets.
Slapotics then created an actual Venn diagram criticizing Obama:
Now, this looks like fun, and I was going to suggest people make their own and send them to me, but then I realized that – outside of a handful of folks – not a lot of Moon Nukers are digital image rehab artists.
So, in order to facilitate the creation of the Twitter hashtag #ObamaVennDiagram, we can use the text symbol equivalent ( () )
For example:
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(People who criticize Romney’s handling of dogs (Obama) People who’ve eaten dogs)
(People who ride in Canadian-built busses (Obama) People who throw their friends, relatives, and supporters under the bus)
(People who champion transparency (Obama) People who’ve hidden their birth certificates)
(People who want their daughters to get rich (Obama) People who want to tax the rich)
______________
You get the idea.
Give it a shot.
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UPDATE: The Looking Spoon has a collection of full-color Obama Venn diagrams
Someone Owes an Apology to Bloodsucking Ticks for This Picture
You’ve Been Judged!
Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “Did you hear they finally found those missing Fast & Furious documents?”
Click here to see if you made the cut.
If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.
If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.
Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.
Link of the Day: 3 Anti-Obama Bumper Stickers
[High Praise! to Mark of Slapotics]
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Forget Planet of the Apes, Fear Planet of the Bears
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #674,035)
Look, I know this is just supposed to be one of those “awwww… cute!” things, but think about it:
Wild bears just demonstrated intellectual mastery over a garage door and a ladder while completely ignoring man’s most fearsome weapons: the dog and the video camera.
If they develop dinosaur-with-rocket-launcher technology before we do, soon they’ll be chasing us through cornfields on horseback.
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UPDATE: Linked by Evolution Becomes Revolution
This Is Exactly What Liberals See When They Look At Romney
[pic via Flickr]
As Frank said:
It’s bad optics how Romney is always seen carrying canvas sacks with large dollar signs on them. And what’s the monocle for?
Personally, I’m an optimist, and I see Romney’s glasses as half-full.
In fact, the one sure way for Romney to get my sincere, enthusiastic support would be for him to go out in public looking exactly like this for EVERY campaign speech, and adopting one of the following slogans:
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* I’m like Uncle Scrooge McDuck, except my swimming pool full of gold coins is MUCH bigger.
* Unlike Obama, I earned this by selling goods & services in the free market to willing buyers
* Corporations are people. Liberals are barely even human.
* I’ve dropped forks that cost more than your electric car.
* Windmills are for tulip-tending clog-wearers.
* Socialism: licking the scraps off capitalism’s plate since 1917
* I beat up the Monopoly guy and stole these.
* If capitalism is cold-blooded, I’m a dinosaur with a rocket launcher – RARRRR!
* I made my fortune selling bongos to Occupy hippies.
* If money were sand, I’d be a beach. Surf’s up, dudes!
* If Wall Street were my dog, I wouldn’t make it ride on the roof. Obama would still eat it, though.
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So… is there ANYTHING that would make you want to vote for Romney?
I mean OTHER than him not being Obama.
Wisdom of the Day: Evil Rail Fire Heckler
From Roshan Jerad Perera:
After reading about the evils of drinking, I’ve decided to give up reading
From Fred Thompson:
Broke CA ok’s $68B for high-speed rail line. Presumably, so folks can get to the jobs they don’t have much faster.
From Megan Amram:
I get all of my news from “We Didn’t Start The Fire”
From Jim Treacher:
When Obama gets heckled, the heckler is a racist. When Romney gets heckled, HE’S a racist. Keep it straight, cracker.
And IMAO’s Original Tagline Was…
[via the Internet Archive Wayback Machine]
It was changed in 2003, after soliciting suggestions from the readership.
The IMAO T-Shirt Babe Scam
Looking back on the ten years of IMAO, I have to say my favorite thing of all time from it was the t-shirt babe competition. Harvey put up the relevant links in today’s retrospective, but I thought I’d just go ahead and write my remembrance of it. Basically, the idea came about because I thought having a t-shirt model would help sell more t-shirt, but I also had the secondary idea of finding out whether I had any attractive readers to my blog who I could then totally hit on because they were already fans of mine. So I came up with the idea of a competition where the winner would do modeling photos of my t-shirts and get the prize of a hundred dollar shopping spree at ThoseShirts.com and a $100 cash (which was a lot of money back in 2004). It was a very scary idea because I knew it could turn out horribly, but somehow I got the courage to go through with it. It was pretty nerve racking when there were few entries at first, but as the deadline approached, many came in.
And then I saw her. And I was like, “Hands down; we have a winner.” But it wasn’t up to just me. To make it a real competition, there were nine judges including me, and each would pick five ranked entries, with five points going to their number one choices down to one point for the number five choices. I, of course, picked number SarahK as my number one choice, but the voting was pretty varied. When I added it up, SarahK won by but a single point. I don’t know what was wrong with the other judges. And who knows what would have happened if SarahK lost. But instead she won and then we started talking and eventually had a first date hiking the Grand Canyon and later got married and then had the cutest baby ever. I.e., my t-shirt babe scam totally worked as planned. It was well worth the one hundred bucks cash it cost me.
It should be noted that Harvey was one of the judges and didn’t vote for SarahK as any of his choices. She has hated him ever since and is every day like, “So when are you kicking Harvey off your blog?” And I’m like, “Soon.” But then I’d have to find in the blogging software how to remove his account and I’m just way too lazy.
Anyway, that’s the t-shirt babe story, and probably when IMAO jumped the shark since it’s widely believed that after I got married I became much less funny. But whatever. Screw you guys; I got a t-shirt babe.
Voting to Repeal Obamacare Should Never Stop Ever
The House voted again to repeal Obamacare, and some people are making a big deal of it because it’s like the 33rd time, but I hope we do it many more times. Perhaps if Romney is elected, the next time could lead to the actual repeal, but I hope they keep doing more votes to repeal it even after that. Except after they’re done, they’ll be like, “Oh, wait; we already repealed that awful legislation and it was awesome.” And then Congress will have a good laugh. Maybe we can make an annual thing of it, so like a hundred years from now we’ll vote once again to repeal Obamacare just to remember what an awful law it was and how we don’t want crap like that here in America.
Straight Line of the Day: Nancy Pelosi Discovered a Way to Make Millions…
Does the NAACP Have an Exit Strategy?
So Romney talked to the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, and I was wondering, does the NAACP have an exit strategy? I mean, they do understand that one day in the future people will look at them all grouped together by the amount of melanin they have in their skin and consider that horrifically racist, so they’ll want to make sure the organization is defunct by then. Do they have a plan for that? Like do they have some benchmarks to go by to know when to disband their organization before it’s one of the last bastions propagating the racism it was started to fight? Because if it goes on too long, it could become a mockery… doing things like protesting a Hallmark card because “black holes” sounds too much like “black hos”. Then they’d be way past time to end themselves.
Maybe Robert Gibbs Shouldn’t Have Said This
[High Praise! to Real Clear Politics]
The Chicago Chubbins blathered thusly:
“When Barack Obama got the keys to the bus it was trapped in the ditch with three flat tires. We’ve changed the tires, we’ve pulled the bus out of the ditch, and we’re starting up the road to strengthening the middle class,” Gibbs said this morning.
“There’s a different theory. Mitt Romney wants to take that bus — probably a bus made in Switzerland or Bermuda — and he wants to turn that bus around, he wants to pick up some millionaires and billionaires and shower them with cash,” he said.
Ok, couple of things, Bobbie:
A) Busses carry 3 spare tires and a jack? Or did your bailout-buddy GM drive up in a tow truck?
B) Obama’s bus was made in Cananda. Are you sure you want to go there?
Remember: Friends don’t let friends make stupid metaphors that backfire.