Ernie Loco [High Praise!] commented:
“If I heard of a movie where the plot was some guy was going to hold a ‘contest’ to get chicks to send him photos of themselves so he could pick the hottest one to marry, I’d roundly criticize Hollywood for coming up with such a stupid, unbelievable premise.”
Like that’s ever stopped Hollywood.
So, who do you like for the following roles?:
______________
* Sarahk
and the judges:
* Frank J., genius extraordinaire and creator of IMAO
* Doug the T-Shirt Guy, capitalistic owner of ThoseShirts.com
* Emperor Misha I, ruler of the blog The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
* Harvey, author of the blog Bad Money and winner of the contest that never happened and will not be mentioned again
* Bill Whittle, brilliant essayist and guy in flight suit from Eject! Eject! Eject!
* Blackfive, victim of the French’s greatest military victory ever (he got a reprimand for insulting a French General)
* John Hawkins, pundit/interviewer/humorist of Right Wing News
* Glenn Reynolds, author of Instapundit and supreme overlord of the blogosphere
______________
Normally I’d suggest the dad from “Family Ties” (Michael Gross) for me, but he’s getting a little long in the tooth to pull off a convincing Harvey.
I’m thinking Benjamin Walker, who shows he knows what a beard is for in “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”.
If you don’t recognize most of the names on the above list, that’s fine. Either select actors’ names at random, or just pick for Frank & Sarah.
If nothing else, you can always suggest a better name for this sappy little chick-flick.
FrankJ – James Earl Jones
Harvey – Jon Voight
SarahK – that chick Justin Beiber
And Sean Connery as Glenn Reynolds
Also find a role for Morgan Freeman as the sagely advice guy Ben Stein and William Shatner as the crazy daredevils and also roles for Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy and Ben Stiller as desperate, unfunny attention seekers. Maybe as Imao commenters.
Scrap that love story stuff and make it a whodunit. All roles are still the same except William Shatner gets killed off by the killer at beginning of the film and Ben Stein will play a creepy frowning clown. Eddie Murphy, Adam Sandler and Ben Stiller must die either gruesomely or hilariously.
The setting is William Shatner’s mansion and the characters gather for the reading of Shatner’s will until they begin to die one by one.
Spoiler Alert*!*
William Shatner’s ghost is the killer :-0
He killed himself so he could be a ghost!
Jack Lemon, Jack Haley, Haley Mills, The Mills Brothers, Dr. Joyce Brothers and Spawn, the Wonder Carp in “Frank J. Goes Fishing And Hooks A T-shirt Mermaid.”
Blackfive – Bruce Willis
Bill Whittle – Himself
Harvey – Michael Gross (obviously)
Frank J. – Jaleel White
Sarah K. – Jessica Rabbit
“The Contest” starring…
Jessica Simpson as SarahK
Jay Baruchel as FrankJ
Anthony Hopkins as Glenn Reynolds
and
Jerry Mathers as the Beaver
SarahK – the equally lovely and talented Reese Witherspoon
Frank J. – Tobey Maguire
Harvey – Sasha Baron Cohen
John Hawkins – the also recently slimmed down Jonah Hill
Pee Wee Herman for staring role as FrankNBein aka Franky Wanker.
I’ll play the role of Frank J. Then I’ll host a contest to find the best actress to play the role of Sarah K. This is totally not a scam.
Play yourselves! Think podcast but with 3D bullets and Grand Canyon flying. And ninjas. Call it “IMAO Of Nukes and Nookie”.
FrankJ – John Belushi
SarahK – Mary Louise Weller
Glenn Reynolds – Mark Metcalf
Harvey – Bruce McGill
Bill Whittle – James Widdoes
Frankj – Michael Sera
Sarahk – Adam Sandler (in drag)
Harvey – Russell Brand (yeah… in know I don’t like him either but apparently there’s a new law that requires that every movie has him in it.)
Misha – Sascha Beren Cohen
Bill Whittle – Rutger Hauer
John Hawkins – Chuck Norris
Glen Reynolds – Ed Harris
directed by Paul Thomas Anderson
Actually, Johnny Depp might be a good Frank. It’d be very similar to his Willy Wonka character.
Sarah – definitely Kellie Pickler
Frank J – Jim Parsons
Sarah K – Renée Zellweger “You had me at IMAO…you had me at IMAO.”
Harvey – Chuck Norris…of course.
John Hawkins – a 3D hologram of the late great John Candy.
Chuck would have to dye his beard black & wear a wig, but he could probably pull it off.
Harvey, are you gonna be the one to try to tell him he can’t do it? I thought not.
Frank J. – Buster Keaton
Right. You want to put hind-ends in seats so you need to think contemporary:
Frank J. – Ryan Gosling or Jim Carrey.
Sarah K – Kate Upton
Harvey – Duane “The Rock” Johnson or Jason Statham
Wisecracking Black Sidekick – Eddie Griffin
Of course you’ll need a loyal yellow Lab or German Shepherd, around which, in the final scene, all are gathered, either in heroic admiration after salvation from a raging fire ( Oh, Bosco, you saved us, good dog!) or in tragic mourning after being run down by a bunch of arrogant Libs in a Prius. (Boscooooooooooo, nooooooooooo!)
This will scream sequel as Frank and his merry band of Moon-Nukers must saddle up and pursue the Libs, wreaking Hellacious vengeance upon their target.
If only Simon Cowell were an actor, then he’d be a perfect fit for yours truly due to his arrogance, verbal brutality and expert wielding of sneering, snarky sarcasm. Oh, and the accent as well.
You guys ought to know by now that you can not polish a turd.