Archive of entries posted on 11th July 2012

Link of the Day: THIS Is How You Negotiate With Iran

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[High Praise! to Keln of Nuking Politics]

Keln addresses the notion that we need tougher sanctions on Iran in

Blinking Iranians

Excerpt:

I think the best way to do it is by using more precision…with drones. Thousands of drones. Why put more expensive aircraft and pilots in harm’s way, when we can fill the skies in Iran with drones 24/7? Think about it. Ahmadinejad makes some silly speech about wiping Israel off the map, and how Americans are all evil devil spawn, and then suddenly BLAM! His podium is reduced to ashes by a small, precision bomb dropped from a drone thousands of feet above him.

Or some Iranian extremists are burning American flags and praising Allah, and shouting death to America and other such nonsense, when WHAM! Right in front of them a bunch of small bombs hit the street leaving small craters in the shape of an American flag. Or a smiley face. Whichever.

BONUS LINK: One of Keln’s readers responds:

A Response to Blinking Iranians by The Gentleman Punk

Excerpt:

Yes, mine is a dream of a day when instead of praying to Mecca they pray to Washington in hopes of being spared our righteous fury, and George Washington’s face is seen as the face of a wrathful, old testament god.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Did Obama’s Transportation Secretary Just Quote Darth Vader?

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Ray LaHood [emphasis mine]:
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“Two years ago, between 50 to 60 Republicans were elected to the House of Representatives to come to Washington to do nothing, and that’s what they’ve done and they’ve stopped any progress. Those people don’t have any vision about what the government can do.”
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Or, as Darth Vader once phrased it:

“If you only knew the power of the Dark Side!“

10 Things to Do With Lenin’s Body Besides Bury It

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Almost 90 years later, the Russians are finally considering burying the embalmed body of Commie Hitler, aka Vladimir Lenin, which has lain in a glass coffin in a mausoleum on Moscow’s Red Square since his death in 1924.

Well, that’s certainly ONE option, but let’s not be hasty. Perhaps if we made a list, we could conjure up a better possibility. He’ll probably never be more useful than a dead cat, but let’s stay optimistic:
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Cyber-Lenin! Pure Commie Evil!

1) Run him against Zombie Reagan in 2016 – it’d be just like 1980 all over again!

2) Are they re-making the Wizard of Oz? Because I think we’ve got our new Wicked Witch of the East.

3) Puppet Show! (he could open for Spinal Tap)

4) A little glitter and he could guest star in the next Twilight movie.

5) There’s probably room in Barack’s office, since that pesky bust of Churchill isn’t cluttering things up anymore.

6) White House garden compost. Michelle’s sweet potatoes have never been more dictatorriffic.

7) IMAO co-blogger.

8) If they could figure out how to make him less likely to check IDs, he could be a Democrat poll-watcher.

9) Red shirt #3 in the new Star Trek movie so McCoy can have an extra line.

10) Go traditional – chuck him in the sea.
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Ya know, the UN wouldn’t need a global billionaire’s tax if they’d just install a pay toilet over wherever Lenin gets buried.

Opt Out of Big Government

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A liberal is arguing for reinstating the draft, which is something whiny people do from time to time thinking that will convince us to not engage America’s enemies if the military is made up of people who don’t want to be there (it worked for Vietnam! Wait…), but there is a great idea hidden in the editorial. The idea is you could opt out of the draft on libertarian grounds but then also wouldn’t receive government benefits like Medicare. As Matt Lewis points out, that’s a pretty bad deal if you still have to pay for them. Plus, there probably are a lot of people who both want to serve in the military and be able to opt out of big government. But we have the seeds to a really good idea here.

Before, I offered the idea of splitting America into two: Real America and Sissy, Whiny, I’m Scared of Freedom America. In Real America, there are minimal taxes and regulations and no government services. In Sissy, Whiny, I’m Scared of Freedom America, there will be tons of taxes, government services, and regulations — basically the norm in California today. And the two sides share the military and the cost of running it. Then people get to choose how much government they want and we can have less fighting. Of course, the Sissy, Whiny, I’m Scared of Freedom America will soon go bankrupt, but screw them; they’re not real Americans.

Alternatively, we can just build off of this hippy, liberal’s idea and give everyone an opt out opportunity when they turn eighteen. There will be a “Take Your Government and Shove It” form you can fill out and then throw in the face of some bureaucrat. If you choose to, you never get any of the government services like Social Security or Medicare, but you also don’t have to pay taxes on them. Of course, I don’t see liberals agreeing to such freedom because they know enough people would opt out that those would go bankrupt (they’re already going bankrupt with everyone forced in). Still, I might agree to pay a fraction of the costs still just to be able to get out from under government’s thumb. Let’s work this out. Then all you liberals and your stupid ideas can stay out of my way forever after.

As American as Avoiding Taxes

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There’s been a lot of talk of Romney’s Swiss bank account lately since Obama doesn’t want to talk about issue that actually affects voters since that just highlights what a bad president he is and how he shouldn’t be reelected, but Lindsay Graham has come to Romney’s defense and said, “it’s really American to avoid paying taxes, legally.”

I wouldn’t expect it from Lindsay Graham, but that’s a dead on statement on being an American. Where do tax dollars go? They go to the idiots in D.C. — Lindsay Graham included — who then waste them. And each dollar in the stupid, grubby hands of a politicians is one less dollar in the private sector — the place that has given us iPhones and flat screen TVs and tacos with shells made from Doritos. Every dollar in the private sector improves all our lives and contributes to our freedom while every dollar in the hands of politicians is mainly used to annoy us. And the more money the federal government has, the bigger and more prone to oppression it is. So making sure the federal government gets as little tax dollars as possible is one of the most American activities you can do — right next to strangling a Communist.

10 Blogging Tips from Someone Who Has Been Blogging a Decade

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Now that I’ve been blogging an entire decade, I feel I probably have some wisdom to pass on to other people who hope to start a blog or make theirs more successful. So here are some tips from me that will help you have a successful blog with a large audience — at least until blogging is completely outdated in a couple more years.

FRANK BLOGGING TIPS

1. Have something unique to say. There’s a lot of blogs out there, so make sure you have something different to say from everyone else so people have a reason to come to your blog. For instance, you could be the guy who, in reaction to political issues, is always recommending assassination. Or be the guy on hiding from federal authorities because of your talk of assassination. The idea is be different and interesting.

2. Get a catchy, easy to remember name. Make sure the name of your blog is easy to remember so people can keep finding it. Don’t — and I can’t stress this enough — just make it some seemly random string of letters.us.

3. Have a visually pleasing blog. Make sure you have some color scheme that’s pleasing to the eye, and a layout that is easy to follow. Actually, all this talk of style is kinda girly. Just throw up some colors and a few ads and get writing.

4. Post every day. If you want to build a readership, you need to give them a reason to come back constantly. Maybe even multiple times a day. Just write and write and write. It helps to be unemployed, so there are a lot of good potential bloggers out there right now.

5. Proofread. To make sure people take you seriously, you need to use proper grammar and spelling. So meticulously proofread each of your posts. After you write a post, let it sit at least an hour and then come back to it to read it over carefully. Then wait another hour… Know what? This is way too hard. Forget this one.

6. Engage your readership. To get a loyal readership, it helps to interact with them. A comment section is useful for this. The idea is to build a sense of community. And yes, they’ll probably all be annoying and you’ll hate them, but act nice to them and just vent about them behind their backs on Twitter.

7. Study more successful bloggers. To know how to be a good bloggers, it helps to carefully watch the habits of successful bloggers. Do all the research you can on them. If you can find where they live, rummage through their trash and follow them around. Hopefully you can find something to use to blackmail them to send links your way. Don’t just post the blackmail material on your blog, even if it’s something really juicy about puppies and a blender.

8. Get co-bloggers. Find people who write like you and invite them to write on your blog so you have more content. But don’t make the authorship of each post very obvious so people can mistake your co-bloggers for you. Eventually you can just stop writing entirely if this works well enough.

9. Avoid distractions. A wife and children are huge distractions to blogging; avoid them at all costs. I can’t stress this enough. Blogging is art, and like with all art, any sort of a fulfilling life will just get in the way.

10. Start your blog in 2002 or earlier. In 2002, most people didn’t even know what a blog was and there were a lot less of them giving you less competition for an audience. You didn’t even have to be very good to get readers; you just had to be there.

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UPDATE: Linked by Doug Ross