Archive of entries posted on 26th July 2012

Link of the Day: This Is What Barack Would Do If Michelle Were Pregnant

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[High Praise! to RAML]

From the Glenn Beck radio show:

‘Denny’ got another letter from Obama… but is it real?

No, it’s not a REAL fundraising email, but it’s not too much of a stretch for the campaign that wants your wedding gifts:

Excerpt:

Friend –

I need your help. Barack’s been giving me a hard time about my weight lately. He’s always mentioning that I’m getting a little bit of a belly

He’s so skinny it’s maddening – despite the fact that he’s always sneak-eating those cheeseburgers and milkshakes on the campaign trail – (I know everything he does… every minute of the day… Valerie Jarrett!)

But, Barack doesn’t know that I have a great reason for gaining a little weight… I’m pregnant!

How should I announce the news to Barack? Can you help me?

I want to get some “girlfriends” together to discuss the best way to surprise the President!

The next time Barack is flying around the country in our jet, campaigning or playing golf, four lucky ladies will join me for tea at the White House (de-caf of course – hey, I’m preggers!) and we’ll come up with a plan.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Wisdom of the Day: Grandmothers Hate Chicken

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From Chris Downing:

BREAKING NEWS: In a further effort to protect people from sweets and sweetness, New York City has imposed a ban on Grandmothers.

From Tom Siedell:

We become what we most hate. So I’ll apologize now for eventually playing for the Yankees.

From Cuffé:

“I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE OFFENDED IN ALL MY LIFE.” – crazy person yelling at a chicken sandwich.

10 Things Besides AK-47s That Obama Thinks the US Military Uses

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“I also believe that a lot of gun owners would agree that AK-47s belong in the hands of soldiers, not in the hands of criminals; that they belong on the battlefield of war”

So said the Commander-in-Chief of the United States Armed Forces.

Um… AK-47s are a Russian thing. America uses M16s.

So either he was saying he wants James Holmes to join the Russian Army, or Obama’s just an out-of-touch droolsack with no understanding of American military equipment.

For the purposes of today’s post, I’m assuming the latter and listing a few other things Obama thinks the US military uses:
______________

Crocs: the official footwear of the US military.

1) Bearskin hats

2) Panzerkampfwagen tanks

3) MiG jet fighters

4) Oliphaunts

5) Quatloos

6) Photon torpedoes

7) Nimbus 2000 racing brooms

8) X-wings

9) BFG 9000s

10) Iocane powder

______________

Sorry, Barack, none of the above.

Also not on the list: white flags.

_______________

UPDATE: Linked by Small Dead Animals

Discovered: The Least Qualified Person in the World to Discuss Guns

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[High Praise! to The Hope for America]

Full disclosure: I’m sloppy with gun terminology. I use “pistol” & “gun” interchangeably. Ditto “clip” & “magazine”. I’ve been corrected by people who know better than me on several occasions, and I still screw it up, usually out of sheer laziness.

That said, Cenk Uygur makes me look like Teddy Jacobson:


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #1,016)

As for who Cenk is, this should tell you just about everything you need to know:

Uygur appeared on MSNBC as a political commentator in 2010, later hosting a weeknight commentary show on the channel for nearly six months—until the time slot was given to Al Sharpton. Shortly after leaving MSNBC, Uygur secured a show on Current TV that began airing on December 5, 2011.

That’s right… he’s the guy that MSNBC thought was a bigger idiot than Al Sharpton.

Nuff said.

Obama Announces Fast and Furious Expansion Into the Middle East

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Obama said:

“I, like most Americans, believe that the Second Amendment guarantees an individual the right to bear arms. I think we recognize the traditions of gun ownership that passed on from generation to generation…. but I also believe that a lot of gun owners would agree that AK-47s belong in the hands of soldiers, not in the hands of criminals; that they belong on the battlefield of war, not on the streets of our cities.”

He wants AK-47s in the hands of soldiers, except it’s not our soldiers who use AK-47s. They’re used mainly by the guys shooting at our soldiers. So Obama wants to arm our enemies! Someone check and makes sure Eric Holder didn’t start a Fast and Furious program in the Middle East too.

Gay Marriage Should Pull Out of Chicago

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So an alderman (what the hell is that? Is it like a community organizer?) is blocking a business being built for not sharing his political views (even though it’s the same views Obama held six months ago), and Rahm Emanuel has come out in support of the alderman, saying that, “Chick-fil-A values are not Chicago values.”

Now, let’s think a second. What are Chicago values?

* Crime.
* Homicide.
* Street gangs.
* Disregard of 2nd Amendment rights of honest citizens to defend against crime, homicide, and street gangs.
* Corruption.
* Bribes.
* High taxes.
* Felon politicians.
* Cronyism.
* Disregard of 1st Amendment rights for anyone starting a business.
* Gay marriage.

So, does gay marriage really want to be associated with all those other things? If gay marriage wants good PR, it needs to announce, “There will be no gay marrying in Chicago. Gay marriage would like to distance itself from all Chicago stands for and wants it to be known it shares no association with any Chicago values.” Gay marriage can’t survive the taint of Chicago.