Archive of entries posted on 16th July 2012

No, Seriously: Here’s That Song From Kim Jong Un’s Girlfriend

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[High Praise! to Primordial Slack]

People thought I was kidding when I said Kim Jong Un’s girlfriend had a hit song in North Korea called “Excellent Horse-Like Lady.”

Here it is:


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #252,403)

For some reason, it reminds me of an ABBA song, but I can’t quite think of which one.

Anyway, it’s fairly catchy. All it needs is a cameo from Sarah Jessica Parker.

UPDATE: Click here for the lyrics, as well as a video of her other hit song, “She Is a Discharged Soldier”

Chuck Schumer Kinda Looks Like…

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[High Praise! to Carolyn the Mommy]

I don’t normally link the wretched hive of scum and villainy that is the Huffington Post, but they’ve got a “politician looks like Disney character” piece that’s actually pretty good, and more or less bipartisan.

But…

They really missed with #23, Chuck Schumer:


Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-N.Y.) & Commander Lyle Tyberius Rourke (Atlantis: The Lost Empire)

His muppet version was better, but still seemed off:

My suggestions:


Hannibal Lecter


Rizzo the Rat


Farscape’s Ka D’Argo


Professor Hubert Farnsworth’s pet demon Pazuzu


Jabba the Hut sidekick Salacious Crumb

Can’t shake the feeling that I’m missing something obvious, though.

Oh, and to knock the spectre of Chuckie’s puss out of your skull, here’s a side-by-side of Janice and Debbie Wasserman Schultz:

Wisdom of the Day: Good Nicolas Howell Unemployment

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From Alex Baze:

“Be yourself” is good advice for getting into relationships and out of them.

From Bryan Donaldson:

Because of his special dietary needs, Nicolas Cage’s contract rider specifies that all scenery must be gluten-free.

From pourmecoffee:

Romney should point out this happened with Thurston Howell, who was technically still in charge while he was on the island.

From John Hayward:

I guess unemployment will finally go down once we nail down the exact date and time Mitt Romney last told someone at Bain to do something.

12 Evil Things Bain Did Between 1999 and 2002

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Obama is trying to prove that Romney was secretly working at Bain from 1999 to 2002 — the evil years of Bain. What sort of evil did Bain do then? Things like:

* Outsourced jobs.

* Bought businesses and gutted them for profit.

* Supported companies that burned down rain forests.

* Had board room meetings where everyone smoked cigars, laughed, and tossed their money in the air.

* Had a profit making venture where people could pay a dollar to punch an orphan in the face.

* Had eight-martini lunches.

* Radiated squirrels and tried to get them to bite people to see if they could create a squirrel themed superhero.

* Dropped water balloons on the heads of homeless people hanging out below their office building.

* Hired Daniel Tosh to do comedy for a Kindergarten class.

* Polluted the river downstream from their pollutant factory which makes industrial-grade pollutants for polluting things.

* Is trying to perfect the t-Virus.

* Proved to children Santa isn’t made up by displaying his head on a pike.

All I get out of this though is that Romney once had an actual job and Obama never did.

Random Thoughts: Batman Justice

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In real life, if a man dressed as a bat ran around punching criminals really hard, how many people would he accidentally kill?

“It’s against my principles to ever kill anyone. I just punch people really hard in the head and hope for the best.” -Batman

Obama hasn’t dealt with worse opposition than any other president; he’s just whined about it a lot more.

I don’t even like politics. It’s just hard to write hack clapper humor about the weather.

What is it about Sesame Street’s Abby Cadabby that makes me instantly hate everything about her? She’s like a muppet Kristen Stewart.

5-Hour Energy, I’m not sure a really old guy in a cowboy getup is someone who makes me think of “energy”.

Obama should be worried about Romney since Romney is a felon with nothing to lose.

Where is the Intrade betting for how many people Romney will shiv in prison?

Condolence cards would be a lot more effective if people put money in them like with birthday cards. “Sorry your dad died. Here’s twenty bucks.”

I’m thinking of now referring to myself as a “provocateur” since I like to poke the neighbor’s dog with a stick.

So, as I understand things, 1999-2002 were the evil years of Bain and that’s why Romney denies he was in charge then?

Pitch for wacky comedy: Barack Obama as the CEO of a corporation.

Obama is saying that Romney is shifting blame onto others, doesn’t care about the deficit, and is named Obama. ‪#projection

Romney should have learned from Obama: Never ever do anything; it only causes you to have a record to be attacked on.

People only ask for photo ids so they can see your race in your photo and be racist against you.

BREAKING: Obama refuses to apologize to Romney, though he will bow to him.

If either Romney or Obama really need to change the subject quickly one day, just come out as gay.

To connect with voters, Romney should drive around in a pickup truck. But so it’s not pandering too much, the truck should be solid gold.

When did the PC become the redheaded stepchild of videogame consoles?

You say “Bless you!” when someone sneezes, but what do you say when someone coughs? I go with “Quiet, you.”