Getting shampoo in your hair is much better than getting real poo in it.

So Obama thinks people can make businesses because the government makes roads and bridges? Is his thinking really that backwards?

You can put all the context to Obama’s speech you want; the guy is clueless and a little bit hostile to the private sector.

Where do you go to find the political stances of different restaurant chains? All I can find are the gluten-free menus.

Under Obama, we’re having the best economy we’ve ever had. Any remembrance of a better economy was implanted in your brain by Koch money.

If I were president, I’d end every Air Force One trip with gruffly shouting at the press, “Get off my plane!”

I’d be a hilarious president.

The Koch brothers secretly own all fast food restaurants and put chemicals in their food that makes you hate big government.

So what does the jobs-focused president think about not allowing businesses to be built because of the owner’s exercise of free speech?

So I’m not allowed more small magnets but I can still keep my guns, right?

So, Buckyballs have a warning about hazards of swallowing and to keep away from kids, but they still can’t sell them because…

Am I the only one outraged by this? Buckyballs are awesome! Why must I suffer because of others’ stupidity?

So Obama is going to cut our taxes by not raising our taxes but only if he’s allowed to raise other people’s taxes.

Helping out the middle class isn’t worth it if one isn’t also allowed to inconvenience rich people.

So has Obama even attempted to explain how raising taxes will help the economy? I don’t think the most creative SF author could explain that.

“You didn’t build that!” -Dr. Zaius from deleted final line of Planet of the Apes

I don’t know why the Pharisees didn’t follow up Jesus’s response about marriage with, “Why do you hate gay people?”

How Obama should have clarified: “Sorry, I was so focused on jobs that I wasn’t even paying attention to what I was saying.”

The Olympics start this week, but it’s not the one with curling.

Obama could both support gay marriage and come out against the unAmerican attitude of people who would block businesses over political views. Seems like smart politics, but what do I know.