Straight Line of the Day: At a White House Staff Meeting, Obama Said…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

At a White House Staff Meeting, Obama said…

57 Comments

  1. “Look, I know we are trying to promote a pet friendly atmosphere which appeals to our animal lover constituency, but the Staff Meeting is no place to bring your dog, especially one as shaggy as that one over there………..oh, sorry sweetie…”

  2. “This election’s going in the crapper. Who has a suggestion on how to fix it? Okay, for Christ sakes, Joe, go ahead and go. Just wow. Now where were we? … In the crapper. Right…”

  3. At a White House Staff Meeting, Obama said…

    Can you guys hear me OK? I’m on the back nine and the reception ain’t so good out here. If the call drops just keep going without me and I’ll get Biden to fill me in when I get back to the Club H…. i mean White House.

  4. “…okay, quick question…does this uniform make me look more Idi Amin, Papa Doc, or Benito Mussolini? Maybe I should just go for the Castro look in my second term?”

  5. “As soon as the computer boots up, we can get started. …Which key is the ‘any’ key?”

    “Anyone else a little uncomfortable that a bunch of old guys got together and now gay marriage is now a part of our platform?”

    “What number comes after a trillion and how can we spend that in the next six months?”

    “Guys, we need to talk about the fridge in the break room. Joe told me someone stole his drink and I myself had a cocker spaniel in there this morning, which is now gone.”

    “So I finally got around to seeing National Treasure yesterday. I don’t get what all the fuss was over that wrinkly old piece of paper. No one liked my writing that much and it’s so big you could use it for skeet-shooting.”

    Barack Obama: “Did you guys know the Olympics have shooting sports?! I almost wet myself when that rifle went off! Guns are scary.”
    Michell Obama: “[snicker] ‘almost’ [snicker]

    Barack Obama: “I’d like to begin this meeting, as usual, with a list of my accomplishments. One: I personally killed Osam-”
    Valerie Jarret: “Harumph!”
    Barack Obama: “-Bin Laden. Two: I swiftly surpassed Bush in golfing time. We were criticizing him for
    not golfing enough, right?”
    Joe Biden: [unintelligible string of profanity]
    Barack Obama: “Joe, we talked about this. Put a quarter in the swear jar.”
    Joe Biden: “I’m all out. I used up all this month’s allowance just trying to find this room.”
    Barack Obama: “Then just take one from Pete.”
    Pete Rouse: “But I need that money for lunch. You can’t have it.”
    Barack Obama: “You’re racist.”
    Pete Rouse: “…because I want to keep my money?”
    Barack Obama: “Yes. Doing things with your money other than what I tell you to is racist.”
    Pete Rouse: “…”
    Barack Obama: “Now where was I? Ah, yes. Three: I earned a Nobel Peace Prize.”
    Joe Wilson: “You lie!”
    Barack Obama: “HOW DID YOU EVEN GET IN HERE?!! Security! … Security!”
    Alyssa Mastromonaco: “You sent them all out for dog-hunting.”
    Joe Wilson: “You mean for hunting dogs?”
    Alyssa Mastromonaco: “Did I stutter?!
    Joe WIlson: “That’s disgusting.”
    Barack Obama: “I WILL KILL YOU!
    Nancy-Ann DeParle: “Oh, no.”
    David Plouffe: “Oh, no!”
    Robert Gibbs: “Oh, no!
    [crash]
    Kool-Aid Man: “Oh, yeah!”
    Joe Biden: “What the ($&# *$(# (@#&*#& ($&* is going on?!!”
    Leonard Nimoy: “I believe you liberals have been denying reality for so long, you’ve collectively lost the ability to distinguish between fact and fiction. It’s only logical.”
    Zombie Reagan: “Now put a dollar in the swear jar, Joe. And the rest of you get out. I’m taking over.”
    Americans: “Huzzah!”

  6. “Hey guys, long time no see. I just popped in to say I’m off on yet another vacation, so just continue doing what you usually do when I’m not here… You guys are great!” (gives thumbs up)

  7. At a White House Staff Meeting, Obama said… you gonna finish that dog?

    At a White House Staff Meeting, Obama said…did anyone get harry house trained yet?

    At a White House Staff Meeting, Obama said…I want everyone to say my name. Dang I like hearing my name.

  8. At a White House staff meeting, Obama said, “Tell Rahm we’ll get back with him, then shut the door and pull the drapes. Joe just came up the back steps with the Chick-fil-a.”

  9. Pingback: IMAO At a White House Staff Meeting, Obama Said… « SCAAC

  10. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

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