Boy howdy, did someone say illegal immigration? Been watchin’ that Foxy News network again on account of Ellie Sue had that gardener o’ hers install the privacy slats in that 10 foot chain link she put up. That’s a hundred dollar binoculars down the john. But anyways, that Megyn Kelly was sayin’ somethin’ about buildin’ that there border fence. Her lips was sayin’ no, but her eyes was sayin’ Oh yes, Darth, yes, yes, yes. I can tell this on account of I’m very astute at readin’ the womenfolk.
Now, it made me consider things a bit. I used to be wantin’ that border fence put up somethin’ fierce, but I’m not too big a man to admit what I may have come to that conclusion a bit too hasty. You see, Ellie Sue’s been using this Mexican fella from Argentina to do her gardening. Turns out he’s a real stand up fella. He was more than willing to rig up those motion sensitive cameras in Ellie Sue’s backyard the next time he goes on over to trim up the bushes. After our amenable transaction, I thought mebee I’d a judged these Mexican folk a bit too harshly.
Then I recalled noticin’ that that hippy family down the road apiece always corralled their sickly hippy youngins into the house when the gardener was about. Then I realized somethin’. I don’t rightly recall ever hearin’ nothing about bothersome hippy infestations in Mexico. Mebee the problem ain’t that we have too many illegal Mexicans. Mebee the problem is that we don’t have enough. That’s when it struck me clear as Zima. Where are most folks complainin’ the most about too many illegal Mexicans? California. Which state of the nation boasts the highest amounts of filthy hippies? California. We’ve been duped. Who benefits? That whole border fence thingie is a scam. A blasted, filthy hippy conspiracy. Those hippies are just aimin’ to keep out their primary natural predator, illegal Mexicans.
Burns me up, it does, bein’ taken in by hippies. Time to fight fire with water or dirt or mebee one of those newly fangled fire extinguishers. Sure don’t want to fight it with fire. Tried that once, and that didn’t end well. Turns out fire don’t put out fire so much. Just makes more fire. Bet those filthy hippies started that sayin’. Stupid hippies. Probably thought it up while they was all trippin’ on LDS or angel smack or some such.
But anyways, I recollect it’s like when we had that infestation of cats, so’s we brought in those timber rattlers to take care of the cat menace. Then we brought in those mongoose thingies to deal with the snakes and then the dingos to take care of the mongooses. Worked out wicked good. We can take care of the dingos ourselves, and only lose a few babies a year. Circle of life.
So’s I reckon what we are in need of is not a fence on the border of Mexico but a fence on the border of California. Let the Mexicans come across the border into us regular states to chase all the hippies back behind the California fence and problem solved. Contain the crazy. Then don’t let nobody out of the state no how until they can prove that their dehippification is complete. They created the fiscal mess that is California, and now they’s aimin’ to escape their consequences and spread the crazy elsewhere. Don’t let none of them out til they fix the crazy.
Then, of course, we may need to consider who is the Mexicans’ natural predator so’s us regular folk ain’t overrun. What place did those conquistadors come from? Conquistadomenia? Is that in Cuba now? I reckon I’ll have to have Bobby Jo check that intertube thingie for me. And this is Darth Bubba, beamin’ out.
Dear Illegal Immigrant,
Barack needs your help again! He appreciates you coming in and taking jobs to pad the employement numbers as well a procreating faster than bunny rabbits in spring. However, more needs to be done to make sure the United States rises to the great heights of Cuba, North Korea and the Middle East. In November this country will be tasked with “electing” a leader that will see us thru the next “four” years. For every vote you cast in the election, you and a member of your family will become lega!! Many will enter all will win!
“‘I have the perfect solution to the illegal immigration problem…my new bromantic best bud and full-tilt wingman, Justice Roberts, has just made ‘illegality’ unconstitutional. He found it in the penumbras and emanations section of the ‘positive rights’ aspect of the later amendments. So don’t worry mi amigos, it’s gonna be cinco de quattro all up in this piece, a’ight?”
Anyone and everyone physically present in any of the 57 states, is a citizen (including the remains and cremains of deceased persons, but they may only vote Democrat, as is traditional) (and excepting, of course, the unborn, whose physical existence counts for nothing).
What illegals, there are no illegals on my lawn, just them dang kids!!11!! You dang kids get off my lawn!!! hosay, you go get those dang kids off the lawn. Why I autta!
I’ll turn America into a 3rd world communist hellhole that people will want to leave, not come to. Oh wait, he already said that.:
The Cloward–Piven strategy is a political strategy outlined in 1966 by American sociologists and political activists Richard Cloward (1926–2001) and Frances Fox Piven (b. 1932) that called for overloading the U.S. public welfare system in order to precipitate a crisis that would lead to a replacement of the welfare system with a national system of “a guaranteed annual income and thus an end to poverty”. Cloward and Piven were a married couple who were both professors at the Columbia University School of Social Work. The strategy was formulated in a May 1966 article in left-wing[1] magazine The Nation titled “The Weight of the Poor: A Strategy to End Poverty”.[2]
The two were critical of the public welfare system, and their strategy called for overloading that system to force a different set of policies to address poverty. They stated that many Americans who were eligible for welfare were not receiving benefits, and that a welfare enrollment drive would strain local budgets, precipitating a crisis at the state and local levels that would be a wake-up call for the federal government, particularly the Democratic Party, thus forcing it to implement a national solution to poverty. Cloward and Piven wrote that “the ultimate objective of this strategy [would be] to wipe out poverty by establishing a guaranteed annual income…”[2] There would also be side consequences of this strategy, according to Cloward and Piven. These would include: easing the plight of the poor in the short-term (through their participation in the welfare system); shoring up support for the national Democratic Party then-splintered by pluralist interests (through its cultivation of poor and minority constituencies by implementing a national solution to poverty); and relieving local governments of the financially and politically onerous burdens of public welfare (through a national solution to poverty).
“President Obama said, ‘I have the perfect solution to the illegal immigration problem…all of you old white European-Americans need to leave, thus opening up space for the right kind of immigrants.’”
We’ll send tons of guns over to Mexico without tracking them and let them kill each other off. We’ll name the program after that one Vin Diesel movie….
. . . I am changing the citizenship definitions so that nobody qualifies! We’re all illegal now!'”
… For every industrious illegal we identify within our borders, we ship an American liberal to Mexico. Huzzah!
We’ll make Mexico the 58th State
…do away with birth certificates!
Deport conservatives and open the borders to anyone but them. Undocumented workers love government handouts.
i’m moving back to kenya
…instead of building a wall along the border we will dig a really deep and wide ditch.
“Vote for me in November!”
“Provide healthcare for everyone in Mexico!”
“Have Bloomberg outlaw Mexican food for being too fattening”
“Surrender to Mexico now that the socialist PRI collective is in charge”
Solyent Green, now in wise, spicy Latina style.
Mexican deporting tool “Mexi-cannon” reconfigured into Mexican importing tool “Ameri-cannon”
http://www.imao.us/archives/007741.html/
Boy howdy, did someone say illegal immigration? Been watchin’ that Foxy News network again on account of Ellie Sue had that gardener o’ hers install the privacy slats in that 10 foot chain link she put up. That’s a hundred dollar binoculars down the john. But anyways, that Megyn Kelly was sayin’ somethin’ about buildin’ that there border fence. Her lips was sayin’ no, but her eyes was sayin’ Oh yes, Darth, yes, yes, yes. I can tell this on account of I’m very astute at readin’ the womenfolk.
Now, it made me consider things a bit. I used to be wantin’ that border fence put up somethin’ fierce, but I’m not too big a man to admit what I may have come to that conclusion a bit too hasty. You see, Ellie Sue’s been using this Mexican fella from Argentina to do her gardening. Turns out he’s a real stand up fella. He was more than willing to rig up those motion sensitive cameras in Ellie Sue’s backyard the next time he goes on over to trim up the bushes. After our amenable transaction, I thought mebee I’d a judged these Mexican folk a bit too harshly.
Then I recalled noticin’ that that hippy family down the road apiece always corralled their sickly hippy youngins into the house when the gardener was about. Then I realized somethin’. I don’t rightly recall ever hearin’ nothing about bothersome hippy infestations in Mexico. Mebee the problem ain’t that we have too many illegal Mexicans. Mebee the problem is that we don’t have enough. That’s when it struck me clear as Zima. Where are most folks complainin’ the most about too many illegal Mexicans? California. Which state of the nation boasts the highest amounts of filthy hippies? California. We’ve been duped. Who benefits? That whole border fence thingie is a scam. A blasted, filthy hippy conspiracy. Those hippies are just aimin’ to keep out their primary natural predator, illegal Mexicans.
Burns me up, it does, bein’ taken in by hippies. Time to fight fire with water or dirt or mebee one of those newly fangled fire extinguishers. Sure don’t want to fight it with fire. Tried that once, and that didn’t end well. Turns out fire don’t put out fire so much. Just makes more fire. Bet those filthy hippies started that sayin’. Stupid hippies. Probably thought it up while they was all trippin’ on LDS or angel smack or some such.
But anyways, I recollect it’s like when we had that infestation of cats, so’s we brought in those timber rattlers to take care of the cat menace. Then we brought in those mongoose thingies to deal with the snakes and then the dingos to take care of the mongooses. Worked out wicked good. We can take care of the dingos ourselves, and only lose a few babies a year. Circle of life.
So’s I reckon what we are in need of is not a fence on the border of Mexico but a fence on the border of California. Let the Mexicans come across the border into us regular states to chase all the hippies back behind the California fence and problem solved. Contain the crazy. Then don’t let nobody out of the state no how until they can prove that their dehippification is complete. They created the fiscal mess that is California, and now they’s aimin’ to escape their consequences and spread the crazy elsewhere. Don’t let none of them out til they fix the crazy.
Then, of course, we may need to consider who is the Mexicans’ natural predator so’s us regular folk ain’t overrun. What place did those conquistadors come from? Conquistadomenia? Is that in Cuba now? I reckon I’ll have to have Bobby Jo check that intertube thingie for me. And this is Darth Bubba, beamin’ out.
Outlaw beer with lime
Post signs at the US border saying “Yes, I am still President: No jobs here.” Of “Welcome to Guatamala.”
…encourage Border Patrol Agents to use lethal force, and penalize agents who return with full magazines.
have the Navy and Coast Guard use anchor babies as real anchors.
Dear Illegal Immigrant,
Barack needs your help again! He appreciates you coming in and taking jobs to pad the employement numbers as well a procreating faster than bunny rabbits in spring. However, more needs to be done to make sure the United States rises to the great heights of Cuba, North Korea and the Middle East. In November this country will be tasked with “electing” a leader that will see us thru the next “four” years. For every vote you cast in the election, you and a member of your family will become lega!! Many will enter all will win!
Sorry. It’s supposed to say legal
Have Janet Napolitono rename illegal aliens as “Man-Made Population Adjustments.”
“First, we build a giant badger….”
“What illegal immigration problem?”
“We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area.”
Play the RAAAACE card!
“‘I have the perfect solution to the illegal immigration problem…my new bromantic best bud and full-tilt wingman, Justice Roberts, has just made ‘illegality’ unconstitutional. He found it in the penumbras and emanations section of the ‘positive rights’ aspect of the later amendments. So don’t worry mi amigos, it’s gonna be cinco de quattro all up in this piece, a’ight?”
…a brand new “Welcome” mat.
Anyone and everyone physically present in any of the 57 states, is a citizen (including the remains and cremains of deceased persons, but they may only vote Democrat, as is traditional) (and excepting, of course, the unborn, whose physical existence counts for nothing).
John Roberts said you were a tax on our ___________ , so it’s all constitutional and stuff.
… but I’m not sure I’m ready to allow so many white folks apply for citizenship in our country.
“President Obama said, ‘I have the perfect solution to the illegal immigration problem…’”
Nuke em from orbit, just to make sure
… if you catch one, you keep it.
sell them off for medical experiments and pay for Obamacare!
call them a tax and they become legal!!
Soylent Green.
What illegals, there are no illegals on my lawn, just them dang kids!!11!! You dang kids get off my lawn!!! hosay, you go get those dang kids off the lawn. Why I autta!
@Dohtimes#26: I believe the word you are searching for is “patience.”
…make America as bad as Mexico so they have no reason to come here.
I’ll turn America into a 3rd world communist hellhole that people will want to leave, not come to. Oh wait, he already said that.:
Sound familiar?
“President Obama said, ‘I have the perfect solution to the illegal immigration problem…all of you old white European-Americans need to leave, thus opening up space for the right kind of immigrants.’”
setting up loudspeakers along the boarder over which are played recordings of Obama and Biden’s speeches.
We’ll send tons of guns over to Mexico without tracking them and let them kill each other off. We’ll name the program after that one Vin Diesel movie….
Me – “The Pacifier”?
me – “Strays”?
No, wait…that’s Obama’s lunch order.
“President Obama said, ‘I have the perfect solution to the illegal immigration problem…’”
“By Executive Order today, I just moved our southern border to all the way to Canada.”
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