Michelle? It’s Barry. Could you come let me in? I can’t seem to find the doors again. And could you spare a tamale? I’ve got the munchies something fierce.
“Hi, my name’s Timmy. Have you seen my dog? Her name’s Lassie and she’s really smart. She told me by barking that she thought she could save America by coming to see you…something about a resignation. Anyway, have you seen her?”
… and as a man of the people, in solidarity with the working class, President Obama knows he has a secretary, or at least a secret-service agent, to answer it.
… and President Obama answers the desk lamp.
… It’s VP Biden asking if Barry has Prince Albert in a can.
… “Mr. Obama, it’s January 21st, you have to leave now. Don’t make us to remove you by force.”
…it’s Paul Ryan screwing with in Obama’s head for the 8th time in 2 weeks. He says nothing for 5 seconds, whispers “November 6th,” laughs, then hangs up.
…it’s Paul Ryan screwing with in Obama’s head for the 8th time in 2 weeks. He says nothing for 5 seconds, whispers “November 6th,” laughs, then hangs up.
Obama double checks himself he holds the phone correctly before speaking.
A young girl says “You will lose the election in seven days.” Obama drops the video cassette.
“The President is out golfing right now. If you leave a message he will ignore it in the order in which it was received. Your call is very important to him.”
“If you need a government loan, press 1. If you need a healthcare waiver, press 2. If you need to avoid jail, press 3.”
It’s 3 a.m. A Phone Rings in the White House… The Chief of Staff picks up the phone and hears a man’s voice say, “I’ve got your dog and…” Then he looks down at the caller ID and recoils with horror when he sees the number to the phone in the presidential bedroom suite’s kitchenette.
It’s 3 a.m. A Phone Rings in the White House… A man answers and says, “Why yes, we do have Kind Edward in the can. He’s been in there since trying the Kung Pao Chow at tonight’s State Dinner…”
It’s 3 a.m. A Phone Rings in the White House… Barrack says, “Thanks for taking my call at this hour, Mitt. I remember my first night sleeping there, too. Say… You didn’t happen to find my golf clubs in the closet, did you?”
…and he answered “no President Romney won’t be here till tomorrow”
…it was another collection agency about all that campaign debt he ran up
…and he suddenly realized he’d been destroying the country. I was his wake-up call.
…it was the White House concierge waking him up to let him know it’s after sundown and he can have is Ramadan meal.
…cause that’s when it’s 3 P.M. in China..and it was convenient for the Chinese…after all the important business has been taken care of and right before they knock off for the day.
…because Putin calls when Putin wants.
…it was the Saudi Prince and Obama fell out of bed trying to bow.
…it was Ahmadinijad and Obama said “DUDE, we can’t party like we did when I was President anymore, I have an early shift at The Waffle House tomorrow!”
…it was a Democrat pollster looking for ANYONE to give the President a positive performance rating
Obama: “Who dares disturb the rest of the great and wonderous O?”
Caller: “Mr. President, there’s a situation developing in China that requires your attention.”
Obama: “I’ll have the sweet and sour poodle with brown rice.”
Caller: “No Mr. President, China the country. You are needed in the situation room.”
Obama: “Are my advisers in available?”
Caller: “Yes sir, Secretary Clinton and General Dempsey are already in the room.”
Obama: “What about Biden? He’s the foreign affairs expert for my glorious and all-powerful administration.”
Caller: *Stunned silence*… “He’s on his way. He got lost again and wandered out into the Rose Garden, but the Marine guards are escorting him now.”
Obama: “Excellent, those corpsemen are rather useful. You know, I couldn’t have personally killed Osama bin Laden 17 times without them. What can you tell me about China?”
Caller: “Mr. President, the details are too sensitive to discuss outside of the situation room.
Obama: “Just give me some basic background so I don’t look foolish in front of the Admiral again. China is the 56th state, right? The one with the toys and plates?”
Caller: “The Chairman is a General, Mr. President, Admirals are the ones with the boats, remember? There are only 50 states, I know you keep counting more stars than that, but please trust me on this one. China is a whole separate country on the other side of the world, they are our biggest rival both economically and militarily.”
Obama: “That was really boring, just the thing I needed to get back to sleep. Tell Hillary to just follow Joe’s lead as usual. *Click*”
It’s 3 a.m. A Phone Rings in the White House… A voice announces, “Hello! This is Barack Obama, President Of the United States, with an important message for… Barack Obama!”
…Obama answers the phone, “Hello?”
“(Heavy breathing) Oooh baby, you are so &$# hot. I wanna $%@ your @*# so bad. I’m going to *&#$ you till you scream my name!”
“I told you before stop calling me, you pervert,” Obama slams the phone down and get back in bed.
Michelle rolls over, “Chris Matthews again?”
“That guy’s got problems.”
Joe, the name’s Barack. And it’s 3 o’clock in the morning. Why are you calling me?
Well Bobby, I’m not really sure where I am. I see a McDonald’s. Does that help?
What? Where’s your Secret Service detachment?
They dumped me again. We stopped for ice cream at this little truck stop. I went to the bathroom and when I came back they were all gone. Can you help me out Bart?
It’s 3 a.m. A Phone Rings in the White House… And it immediately forwards to Crawford, Texas, where someone answers and says, “Look, for the millionth time, you don’t have to call me to confirm the launch codes anymore. Check with the guy there who ran against me!”
It’s 3am. A phone rings in the White House…. Sorry there’s no one here to answer your call, please leave a message and we’ll get back atcha sometime. Michelle and the kids are on another vacation, uh, er I mean she’s on the campaign trail and obama is at a bath house with a vial of white powder, uh er, I mean he’s campaigning in Tampa, FL with Joe.
Hello? President Obama?
We found your Vice President stumbling around downtown and mumbling incoherently. Can you come and pick him up?
Michelle? It’s Barry. Could you come let me in? I can’t seem to find the doors again. And could you spare a tamale? I’ve got the munchies something fierce.
. . . Romney says, “No, Obama, for the last time, I haven’t seen your diamond-studded roach clip laying around.”
“Hi, my name’s Timmy. Have you seen my dog? Her name’s Lassie and she’s really smart. She told me by barking that she thought she could save America by coming to see you…something about a resignation. Anyway, have you seen her?”
…because it’s 10:00am in Kenya and Obama’s friends back home just woke up and want to talk.
…what do you think the chances are that Barry will get his ass out of bed and answer it? Exactly.
…”It’s Hillary. They nuked Tel Aviv. Get your sorry ass up.”
Biden says, “One Ringy Dingy…”
“This is President Barac…” (intercepted) “Secretary of State Hillary Clnton speaking.”
“Hey, it’s Joe! Uh, did you guys forget me again at Chucky Cheese’s?”
… and as a man of the people, in solidarity with the working class, President Obama knows he has a secretary, or at least a secret-service agent, to answer it.
… and President Obama answers the desk lamp.
… It’s VP Biden asking if Barry has Prince Albert in a can.
… “Mr. Obama, it’s January 21st, you have to leave now. Don’t make us to remove you by force.”
…Barack answers and after a few seconds says, “Why yes, my refridgerator IS running.”
…it’s Paul Ryan screwing with in Obama’s head for the 8th time in 2 weeks. He says nothing for 5 seconds, whispers “November 6th,” laughs, then hangs up.
…it’s Paul Ryan screwing with
inObama’s head for the 8th time in 2 weeks. He says nothing for 5 seconds, whispers “November 6th,” laughs, then hangs up.(sorry for typo, haven’t had coffee today)
…Obama searches for his teleprompter as the phone keeps ringing
…Biden smiles, believing another angel just got their wings.
…Obama: Just a second Is there an Anita Mandakiss here? C’mon guys Anita Mandakiss.
…They let it go to voicemail because T.V.’s Andy Levy is giving the pregame report on “Red Eye”.
It’s Putin, saying, “Are you feelink flexible yet, comrade?”
Obama double checks himself he holds the phone correctly before speaking.
A young girl says “You will lose the election in seven days.” Obama drops the video cassette.
“The President is out golfing right now. If you leave a message he will ignore it in the order in which it was received. Your call is very important to him.”
“If you need a government loan, press 1. If you need a healthcare waiver, press 2. If you need to avoid jail, press 3.”
“…Aka Naka Beach Side…”
…and Obama replied “Why yes I would like to lower my interest rate! Oh yes, I have WAY more than ten thousand dollars in debt.”
…. and the Secret Service yell, “Darn it Mr. Biden! We told you that 3 am is too late to be making ‘ring ring’ sounds on your Fisher Price phone! “
It’s Bill Clinton. Shelly won’t be home till later. She’s doing some special undercover work for me.
It’s 3 a.m. A Phone Rings in the White House… The Chief of Staff picks up the phone and hears a man’s voice say, “I’ve got your dog and…” Then he looks down at the caller ID and recoils with horror when he sees the number to the phone in the presidential bedroom suite’s kitchenette.
It’s 3 a.m. A Phone Rings in the White House… A man answers and says, “Why yes, we do have Kind Edward in the can. He’s been in there since trying the Kung Pao Chow at tonight’s State Dinner…”
…”It’s Debbie. You lost 52-48. And I’m pregnant.”
It’s 3 a.m. A Phone Rings in the White House… Barrack says, “Thanks for taking my call at this hour, Mitt. I remember my first night sleeping there, too. Say… You didn’t happen to find my golf clubs in the closet, did you?”
It’s 3 a.m. A Phone Rings in the White House… 267 appointees and interns pat their pockets and ask in unison, “Anyone seen my phone?”
…”Mr. President, it’s December 21. INCOMING!”
…and Chris Matthews quickly picks up the receiver and slams it back on the cradle so as not to disturb the president’s slumber.
It’s 3 a.m. A Phone Rings in the White House… and rings. And rings. And rings. And rings…
…and he answered “no President Romney won’t be here till tomorrow”
…it was another collection agency about all that campaign debt he ran up
…and he suddenly realized he’d been destroying the country. I was his wake-up call.
…it was the White House concierge waking him up to let him know it’s after sundown and he can have is Ramadan meal.
…cause that’s when it’s 3 P.M. in China..and it was convenient for the Chinese…after all the important business has been taken care of and right before they knock off for the day.
…because Putin calls when Putin wants.
…it was the Saudi Prince and Obama fell out of bed trying to bow.
…it was Ahmadinijad and Obama said “DUDE, we can’t party like we did when I was President anymore, I have an early shift at The Waffle House tomorrow!”
…it was a Democrat pollster looking for ANYONE to give the President a positive performance rating
It’s 3 a.m. A Phone Rings in the White House… Barrack picks up the phone and whispers, “I can’t talk now. I just got BO cornered…”
Obama picks up the stapler and says, “hello……hello…….HEEEELLLLLLOOOOOO. Dammit, Michelle, where is that ringing coming from?”
It’s 3am. A phone rings in the White House…
Prompter sighs, because he has no thumbs.
The occupant wakes up and sees sasquatch scarfing a pie.
When the occupant answers, Cheney simply laughs.
Heh. Is that a ref to this?
(I used to think the guy was saying “Makalapa Pizza”….)
…and Obama awakens slightly, nudges Wolf Blitzer and says, “Why don’t you get this one.”
.. it answered by Rajib at call center in Bangalore.
Obama: “Who dares disturb the rest of the great and wonderous O?”
Caller: “Mr. President, there’s a situation developing in China that requires your attention.”
Obama: “I’ll have the sweet and sour poodle with brown rice.”
Caller: “No Mr. President, China the country. You are needed in the situation room.”
Obama: “Are my advisers in available?”
Caller: “Yes sir, Secretary Clinton and General Dempsey are already in the room.”
Obama: “What about Biden? He’s the foreign affairs expert for my glorious and all-powerful administration.”
Caller: *Stunned silence*… “He’s on his way. He got lost again and wandered out into the Rose Garden, but the Marine guards are escorting him now.”
Obama: “Excellent, those corpsemen are rather useful. You know, I couldn’t have personally killed Osama bin Laden 17 times without them. What can you tell me about China?”
Caller: “Mr. President, the details are too sensitive to discuss outside of the situation room.
Obama: “Just give me some basic background so I don’t look foolish in front of the Admiral again. China is the 56th state, right? The one with the toys and plates?”
Caller: “The Chairman is a General, Mr. President, Admirals are the ones with the boats, remember? There are only 50 states, I know you keep counting more stars than that, but please trust me on this one. China is a whole separate country on the other side of the world, they are our biggest rival both economically and militarily.”
Obama: “That was really boring, just the thing I needed to get back to sleep. Tell Hillary to just follow Joe’s lead as usual. *Click*”
“Hello”
“No, I’m sorry I dont think there is a Hugh Jass at this number.”
. . . and President Obama remembers that his tee time is 4 PM, not 4 AM. #*&^! wake-up call software!!!
“White House switchboard, how may I help you? Sorry sir we haven’t seen your dog.”
It’s 3 a.m. A Phone Rings in the White House… A voice announces, “Hello! This is Barack Obama, President Of the United States, with an important message for… Barack Obama!”
Hello?….What?…What?…Biden? He what? Outside the RNC convention? Well don’t they have a mop or something?
…Obama answers the phone, “Hello?”
“(Heavy breathing) Oooh baby, you are so &$# hot. I wanna $%@ your @*# so bad. I’m going to *&#$ you till you scream my name!”
“I told you before stop calling me, you pervert,” Obama slams the phone down and get back in bed.
Michelle rolls over, “Chris Matthews again?”
“That guy’s got problems.”
…”What’s that? You’re looking for Hugh Jass? Hold on.” Obama turns to Michelle, “It’s for you.”
and it’s me calling…
It’s 3 AM……the thrill is gone……double-crossed voter, all alone………………………he knows damn well, he has been cheated…..
On the other end of the line, James Earl Carter laughs maniacally…
Hey Billy, can you come pick me up?
Joe, the name’s Barack. And it’s 3 o’clock in the morning. Why are you calling me?
Well Bobby, I’m not really sure where I am. I see a McDonald’s. Does that help?
What? Where’s your Secret Service detachment?
They dumped me again. We stopped for ice cream at this little truck stop. I went to the bathroom and when I came back they were all gone. Can you help me out Bart?
It’s Barack!!
and Michelle mutters “Maxwell, didja leave your shoes under the bed again?”
It’s 3 a.m. A Phone Rings in the White House… And it immediately forwards to Crawford, Texas, where someone answers and says, “Look, for the millionth time, you don’t have to call me to confirm the launch codes anymore. Check with the guy there who ran against me!”
Dude, I got this Fluke chick and three other G-town hotties drunk in the hot tub right now.. Come on down..
……but the president can’t answer it because he has a bucket on his head. Why? For the same reason one climbs a mountain, because it’s there.
…and Valerie Jarrett tells Obama not to answer until the fourth ring, so as to appear “not desparate.”
It’s 3am. A phone rings in the White House…. Sorry there’s no one here to answer your call, please leave a message and we’ll get back atcha sometime. Michelle and the kids are on another vacation, uh, er I mean she’s on the campaign trail and obama is at a bath house with a vial of white powder, uh er, I mean he’s campaigning in Tampa, FL with Joe.
Pssst. Bo, this is Dogs Against Obama. Hang in there a little longer buddy. We are coming in for your extraction.