. . . will present a slide show of highlights of his visits to all fifty-seven states.
. . . will bring Joseph Biden, who will compete against a team of poodles in events like fetching the paper, shaking hands, and rolling over and playing dead (Biden won’t roll over; he’ll just be brain-dead)
…appearing on Letterman is hard. Like I’ve always said: appearing on Letterman is not the absence of being on Leno. It takes work and dedication… aaaaaaaaaand…. apearing on Letterman is hard.
sent the show the list of demands for his dressing room:
1) A smoker
2) A blender
3) 5 lbs of assorted puppy (Halal only, please)
4) Someone else’s money to use for tipping the staff
5) A 220 Volt electrical supply for his special European telepromptor
6) A big red arrow pointing toward Mecca
7) No empty chairs or buckets
8) A toybox and crayons in case Joe stops by
9) The TP must already be torn into single use squares
10) Unlimited choom
… practiced a bunch of one liners about the murder of our ambassador and three other Americans in Libya.
He said the State Department hadn’t passed on the warnings and that they had disarmed the Marines before hand. He thought that was hilarious and said they are hoping to get a campaign bounce out of it all. Or at least that had been the plan.
. . . during a commercial break asks “Which is my good side?” to get a better profile on camera. The audience responds in unity: “Your back, leaving the White House!”
. . . apologizes for taking up so much time Matt Damon’s appearance is bumped. Letterman just smiles along as if it was his bit.
For his upcoming appearance on Letterman, President Obama…has been working on a way to mention that he killed Osama Bin Laden many, many times after he gives his platitudes about the four Americans killed at the American Embassy.
For His Upcoming Appearance on Letterman, President Obama…is going to do the “stupid pet tricks” routine by having Chris Matthews give an unbiased opinion.
…has already received rave reviews from the mainstream media, despite not yet making the appearance.
Won an Emmy as soon as the interview was booked.
ate a dog
…..gave the Top Ten list of his favorite campaign lies.
…is having a teleprompter installed in Letterman’s desk.
Sent an apology ahead of time just in case Paul Shaffer gets out of control during is visit.
…blew off a meeting with one of our country’s most important allies. Oh, wait, that isn’t a joke.
. . . has an interesting performance with Bo for the Stupid Pet Tricks segment.
. . . will announce the Top Ten reasons he’s too busy to meet with Netanyahu.
. . . on performing a skit with David Letterman, will utter some remark about a pig. Behind him, Letterman holds a picture of Sarah Palin.
. . . grants Knighthood to Letterman for his loyalty.
…will profer his Top Ten Favorite Muslim Fatwa’s
… was taken by surprise by guest host Benjamin Netanyahu.
. . . will present a slide show of highlights of his visits to all fifty-seven states.
. . . will bring Joseph Biden, who will compete against a team of poodles in events like fetching the paper, shaking hands, and rolling over and playing dead (Biden won’t roll over; he’ll just be brain-dead)
… blamed Bush, dissed Romney, then apologised to Islamic Rage Boy for whatever.
…had his butt waxed so Dave wouldn’t get a rash on his lips.
…appearing on Letterman is hard. Like I’ve always said: appearing on Letterman is not the absence of being on Leno. It takes work and dedication… aaaaaaaaaand…. apearing on Letterman is hard.
…bailed out CBS so that at least union members would be watching.
…had to miss a couple of funerals.
…polished up his old “Hope and Change” material. Man, that stuff is still funny.
…is planning on being self-deprecating by saying he golfs like a Special Olympian.
….will be helping out his buddy Mike Bloomberg by making sure Dave doesn’t drink from anything larger than a 16 oz cup.
…will bow to Dave and send a shoutout to all his down-fo-tha-struggle Muslim Bros.
…will brag about how, having recieved a green beret, he’s ready to invade the shores of Tripoli.
…will sneak out for a 16 oz vanilla egg-creme and a few cannolis.
…will sport Dodgers gear, brag up the Yankees, and say “Brooklyn will get ’em next year!”
…brought along a copy of his resume
….traded in his mom jeans for world-wide pants
has been practicing his stupid human trick. He’s going to count all 57 states.
was informed by the CBS officials that, fearing a bloodbath, the Stupid Dog Tricks would be suspended for that show.
…will read and take credit for a Top-10 list that he didn’t write.
…will be represented by an empty chair.
has been practicing his stupid human trick. During the 60 minute show, he’s going to make 15,000 jobs disappear.
…will introduce a new schtick: Stupid Vice-President Tricks.
has been testing his new flame retardant pants.
(I feel like I’m playing that old card game “War” with lactose!)
has insisted that the green room be stocked by his personal korean chef.
@FormerHostage. I think you may be winning. But who’s counting.
had to keep calling the producer in a panic to repeatedly reassure him that Clint Eastwood would not be a guest on the same show.
sent the show the list of demands for his dressing room:
1) A smoker
2) A blender
3) 5 lbs of assorted puppy (Halal only, please)
4) Someone else’s money to use for tipping the staff
5) A 220 Volt electrical supply for his special European telepromptor
6) A big red arrow pointing toward Mecca
7) No empty chairs or buckets
8) A toybox and crayons in case Joe stops by
9) The TP must already be torn into single use squares
10) Unlimited choom
…tried on Letterman’s Velcro suit, but nothing would stick to him.
. . . walking on stage will be accompanied by Paul Schaffer and the band playing Handel’s “Messiah”.
For His Upcoming Appearance on Letterman, President Obama…will quite literally be beside himself. Thank you Mr. Eastwood.
… will appear in black face.
…offered to host a beer summit between Oprah, Cher, Crispin Glover and him.
…thanked him for letting him use Larry ‘Bud’ Melman as his Vice President.
…insisted he bring back Sirajul and Mujibur in order to ease tensions with the Muslim world.
…is going to tell a joke he heard about Piper Palin and the NY Yankees.
warned them that he might be late to the taping since he wanted to finish the back nine that day.
requested that his cue cards be written phonetically, just like his telepromptor does it.
insisted that the plumbing in his dressing room be redone by someone not named Joe.
has already arranged that his appearance be streamed live on MSNBC, NBC and CNN.
… practiced a bunch of one liners about the murder of our ambassador and three other Americans in Libya.
He said the State Department hadn’t passed on the warnings and that they had disarmed the Marines before hand. He thought that was hilarious and said they are hoping to get a campaign bounce out of it all. Or at least that had been the plan.
…….will make his Middle East Policy disappear.
Will explain the difference between “ally” and “allay”, and why it matters.
will charge the audience $100 dollars apiece for the privilege
. . . during a commercial break asks “Which is my good side?” to get a better profile on camera. The audience responds in unity: “Your back, leaving the White House!”
. . . apologizes for taking up so much time Matt Damon’s appearance is bumped. Letterman just smiles along as if it was his bit.
…will just walk across the stage and leave. He has a golf game in the morning.
is teaching Bo to jump into a skillet.
…had his coke stash put into smaller baggies.
…had to make a sign pointing to where he would be sitting.
…decided letterboxing the broadcast so his ears fit in was a genius idea.
For his upcoming appearance on Letterman, President Obama…got a Nerf bat for all the softball questions that will be thrown at him.
For his upcoming appearance on Letterman, President Obama…has managed to put aside all those pesky “affairs of state” which could cause wrinkle lines.
For his upcoming appearance on Letterman, President Obama…has been practicing looking presedential.
For his upcoming appearance on Letterman, President Obama…has been working on a way to mention that he killed Osama Bin Laden many, many times after he gives his platitudes about the four Americans killed at the American Embassy.
For His Upcoming Appearance on Letterman, President Obama…is going to do the “stupid pet tricks” routine by having Chris Matthews give an unbiased opinion.
…was going to give the top 10 accomplishments of his presidency, but he got stuck at one and “got elected” doesn’t really count.
For His Upcoming Appearance on Letterman, President Obama…is going to have to come across really well if he hopes to step up to shows on basic cable.
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