Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
While playing golf with Tiger Woods, Obama…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
While playing golf with Tiger Woods, Obama…
Was never far from Woods (or even out of)
…always improved his lies…
…always had the best lies… which he tells frequently.
…
…restricted the press as he didn’t want them to see his putz.
bowed
…made sure the press couldn’t follow him, because God forbid he be seen as bad at golf!
…called drone strikes on Tiger’s shots to make sure he never got par.
…tried to pull the race card when he lost.
…asked Tiger if he had any good dog recipies.
…said, “It seems like every
3 months10 minutes around here, there’s some manufactured crisis… like this putt.…kept muttering “you didn’t hit that shot, someone else made that happen.”
…said “I left the b!tch at home like you said…now show me how to get me some hoes!”
…said “I didn’t bring Michelle because I thought you meand “G.O.L.F golf, not GOLF golf!” (guys only, ladies forbidden, commonly used bachelor party acronym for “there’s gonna be strippers and stuff you don’t want your significant other to know about”
…said “too bad we couldn’t get O.J. out here too…woudda been perfect.”
..excused his poor performance by claiming that he’s spent all his time lately shooting skeet.
…was treated to lunch at Perkins.
….pulled on his socks too hard and got a hole in one.
…offered Tiger some golf advice.
…shot a 10 under par by redistributing most of his strokes.
…was on vacation AGAIN…..REALLY???!!
…offered Tiger the honor of carrying his clubs.
…won the “number of cultures in my background” contest.
always hooked to the left.
..got some useful marital advice.
….did not mention his insistence on taxing the crap out of the richest citizens.
….would not keep count of his strokes, citing the new official White House “What Does It Matter?” policy.
…recounted the story of the time he caddied for the Dahli Lama.
…was confused when Tiger brought up “tax breaks for golf clubs.”
Said,”Putter? I don’t even know her! And what if the wife found out?
was jealous that he didn’t have women in binders
…had more Mulligans than an Irish phonebook.
…led Tiger from behind.
…kept talking about his balls. “Yeah,” he said on the phone, “I’m playing with Tiger. I have balls.” Too bad he lost his balls by the sixth hole.
…got hungry on the 11th hole; he heard it had a long dogleg.
…blushed when someone said, “You’ve got a Tiger by the tail!”
…objected when Tiger told him not to get caught in those white traps.
…kept referring to Reggie Love as the 19th hole.
…had to pull his shotgun three times when attacked by wild skeet.
…sneered and said only Michelle counts strokes and wanted him to break par.
….met with Snoop and Spike on the back nine, broke out the spliffs and chalices of Courvoisier, got his blaze and drank on, and kicked it one-percent brotha stylee.
While playing golf with Tiger Woods, Obama… and the Republicans on the Ides of March, they stopped for a bit of lunch
Tiger order a Ceasar Salad. The Republicans ordered a dish served cold, and Obama, well, you know what he got!
…asked Tiger if he thinks Americans will forgive him if he goes to spending addiction rehab
…said “ok, NOW you’re exempt from paying taxes”
…played like he was in the Special Olympics or something
…after a few drinks tried to convince Tiger to sneak onto Rush Limbaugh’s property and leave a burning sack of dog poop on his front porch
…asked his Secret Service agents to round up some hookers them…since they know where to get the best ones.
…said “you know, Sharia law is actually not that bad…you get to have as many chicks as you want and if they complain, you have them beheaded
…ordered his propaganda department to photoshop up a picture of him playing golf
…said “hey, why don’t we make this game more interesting?”…so they stopped playing.
…sent drones after the other players on the course because he misunderstood when Tiger asked him if he could, “Kill the Gophers.”
… Obama said “you may have screwed a bunch of pornstars, but I screwed an entire nation”
Obama asked for help with his slice, to which Tiger responded “after 4 years, it’s pretty obvious that nothing is going to stop you from going left”
…admitted he really kept the press away because he wanted to flog.
…blamed House Republicans for his missed putts.
…demonstrated why every bunker can be a pot bunker if you let it.
…asked him if he’s ever kissed another man before.
…got a little embarrassed when he took five strokes to get out of the litter box at Tiger’s house.
…handed in a edited, PDF version of his scoring card when the game was over.
…blamed Bush for his high score.
…thought he noticed his drooling, half-brother among the onlookers and then let loose his 3-wood into the trees.
… wrote down eagle on his card for the 12th. Tiger said, “you didn’t make that”!
…revealed he was there because George Soros said, “We’re done with you. Go back to the golf course and work on your putz”
…scowled when, after deferring to Tiger on the 7th green, Tiger said, “That’s mighty white of you.”
….relieved himself in Tiger’s half-empty bottle of Gatorade when Tiger wasn’t looking.
…employed the use of his new graphite shaft to beat Tiger (the graphics shaft in his pencil that is).
…used SEAL Team 6 to take out Tiger’s ball on every hole.
…told Tiger he wasn’t using Titleist balls anymore but ones from his new, Stimulus-funded, start-up company called “Entitleist.” He then drove his ball into a swamp.
…bragged that he spends more time golfing than Tiger does.
…was able to use his wood on the last hole, when the Viagra finally took effect.
…was obviously perturbed when using Eric Holder instead of a tee his lies actually turned out to be far worse than planned.
began to cry. Then explained, “I just can’t believe I get to play golf with my HERO! I wanna be JUST LIKE YOU!”
… double-bogarted several times.
… got on the phone with GMC, because that green Blazer Tiger talked about sounded like a heck of an idea.
… described how long he watched Biden try to put the frisbee in the hole, the last time they played this course.
… got on the phone with the border patrol, because he wanted the U.S. Open just as much as Tiger did.
… kept giggling Tiger said, “Gambling? Like Bush would?”
shanked, hooked, sliced, and received Time Magazine’s Golfer of the Year” award.
…talked about how he had Biden fitted with a shock collar because, the last time he played Frolf with the Veep, Biden kept running off with the Frisbee, barking, and sniffing Obama’s hind end.
[HT to #62]
…had his balls checked for explosives before he hit them.
…was the first President to ever wedge his way out of a pond.
…..sliced his ball into the woods, and heads off in search of his ball, which he finds behind a large tree. After considering his position , and not wanting to take a drop and lose a stroke , he decides to hook the ball around the tree. He swings, the ball hits the tree, ricochets back at him, and instantly kills him. When he opens his eyes, he sees Satan standing before him. “Am I dead”? ask Obama. “Yes, my son,” replies Satan, who looks the man over and notices his clubs. “I see you’re a golfer,” Satan says. “Are you any good?” Obama replies “Hey, I got here in two, didn’t I?” 🙂
… complained, “I need a bigger putt hole.” The punchline to this joke has been extraordinarily renditioned.
…was fortunate that Tiger knew Obama’s butt from a hole in the ground…
… avoided the water hazard better than Rubio did.
… disliked the Secret Service code name, “Whiney the Pooh and Tiger Too.”
…aimed for the flag, like he does back on the ol’ skeet driveway.
…got a hole in one, and then a hole in another… and then the bill for the broken glass.
…said, after a particularly bad shot, “This is like playing pool, when I scratch the hole a lot.”
… said “I didn’t know why the Joint Chiefs said I needed to stop vacationing and pay attention to the golf situation right away; but the joke’s on them — this is a vacation, too!”
… repeatedly used the “Cinderella story — kid from nowhere” line without catching the irony.
@12 Blarg:
… hunted for the economy’s real killer.
. . . took Sandra Fluke along so everyone got a “hole in one”.
won 40-love (as in reggie)
…cried every time the ball ended up in the pond. -The media reported Obama turned water into whine.
…didn’t have to worry about the water hazards-convinced that he can walk on water.
couldn’t outscore tiger on the front holes, but posted a 69 on the back holoes against reggie.
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