Archive of entries posted on 13th February 2013

Things Named After Obama: A Parasitical Worm

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[High Praise! to Oppo]

Paragordius Obamai

Hair­worms are unique par­a­sites often encoun­tered by the pub­lic. Hair­worms infect crick­ets and grow within their host’s body cav­ity to lengths of 15-30 cen­time­ters. Infected crick­ets often invade homes and release worms into toi­lets, hot tubs, pet water bowls and fish tanks, unduly alarm­ing the pub­lic since hair­worms are not par­a­sites of humans.

When hair­worms com­plete their devel­op­ment, they manip­u­late the cricket’s behav­ior forc­ing them to com­mit sui­cide by jump­ing into water.

Maybe they should’ve named it after Ted Kennedy.

Link of the Day: Like the Boston Tea Party, Except with Guns and Fire

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[High Praise! to The Real Revo and Survival Blog]

Nunc Pro Tunc: The Coming Day of Burn Barrels and Blessings

Excerpt:

This is a standing invitation to my fellow Americans: If congress ever enacts a law mandating the registration and/or a production ban of detachable magazine semiautomatic rifles then you are hereby invited to the town square of your local community. There, burn barrels will be set up and we will publicly burn Form 4473s, FFL Bound Books, state and local registration records, and the sales receipts for every firearm in the United States. On that same day, FFL holders and public officials holding electronic firearms records will simultaneously erase those records, permanently and irretrievably. (Using special file erasure software such as Blancco, X-Ways, and Stellar Wipe, or though the physical destruction of disk drives.)

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Wisdom of the Day: Palin Liar Heathers

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Juxtaposition Makes Makes Commentary Superfluous

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Sylvester Stallone:

“Who… needs an assault weapon? Like really, unless you’re carrying out an assault. … You can’t hunt with it… Who’s going to attack your house, a (expletive) army?”

CBS:

In New York and across the country, the mobs of kids – 20, 30, 40 or more — appear out of nowhere and suddenly charge a newsstand or convenience store.

They ransack, steal and wreak havoc…

Sarah Palin Is So Stupid She Makes Newspapers Stupid

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So Washington Post jumped all over a report saying that Sarah Palin was joining Al Jazeera and used it to write a column on how dumb and stupid and horrible Sarah Palin is. Of course, the article saying Palin was joining Al Jazeera was satire.

And just look at some of the quotes from the article:

“Al Jazeera provides high-quality, intelligent coverage of important issues,” Gore said. “And more importantly, it’s backed by oil money. That means when you get paid…you really get paid.”

“Alaska is located very close to the Middle East, yet for some reason we don’t have many Arab tourists,” she said. “We may not have camels, deserts and genies, but we’ve certainly got lots of oil and caribou – which are kinda like the Christian version of camels.”

So it was pretty hard to tell it was satire… if you’re one of those aliens from Galaxy Quest. So no wonder this got through the Washington Post’s many layers of fact checkers. Anyway, the important thing is: Sarah Palin is stupid.

Hey, it’s nice to be able to honestly say that IMAO takes even more effort to be accurate than major newspaper, since on occasion I do Google things.

The State of the Union Last Night

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So we had the State of the Union address last night. And Obama was all like, “You know that stuff I promised to do those last four years and never did? Well, I’m totally going to do it now!” And then he was like, “We don’t have a spending problem. We have a not spending enough problem! And I’m going to claim it won’t add to the deficit because I have as much disdain for math as I do for guns.” And then he ended with, “And we need more background checks. Because that’s why there’s so much violence in Chicago and why people crazy people can steal guns from his mom: Not enough background checks! I am a serious person.”

Then afterwards, Marco Rubio gave the Republican response and was like, “What an idiot! Look at the last four years; this guy doesn’t know what he’s doing. Don’t listen to him. And furthermore… Ooh! I’m thirsty!” And then Rubio drank water and everyone was like, “Dude! He’s drinking water! This is insane!”

Finally, Rand Paul gave the Tea Party response. It was about freedom or something.

I didn’t watch any of the speeches.

Cartoon of the Day – Manhunt

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LisaBenson20130213
[Source: Lisa Benson – GoComics]

While the left cheers on gun-toting cop-killer Christopher Dorner, they criticize legal gun owners for legally owning guns.

If you don’t understand the left’s logic, I can explain it to you. They’re idiots. Some people call them dumbasses, which is probably a better term. Some call them useful idiots. Those that call them that are the ones using them to their own ends.

I gave up trying to figure them out a long time ago. I accept the fact that they have a severe case of the dumbass and I accept that there’s a good chance they won’t recover from it.

In the meantime, those using those useful idiots are trying to take away our rights. We’re the ones under the gun, while criminal elements are running free. And some of them are running free in positions of power.

Pluto’s moons

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Photo: NASA

Folks need help naming Pluto’s moons.

Actually, they don’t any help at all. Scientists and astronomers and such have had no problem naming planets, moons, or other celestial objects before, and they really don’t have any trouble now. They want to pacify people who got all ticked off over the demotion of Pluto from planet to dwarf planet.

Or, maybe, they just want to get attention or something. Well, they got mine.

There’s a Website that is set up for the purpose of naming two of Pluto’s moons. Now, in case you didn’t know, Pluto has five moons. Maybe it has more, but they only know about five. They discovered Charon in 1978. I remember that. At the time, they had no real idea just how big Pluto was. They figured it was probably about the size of Earth, though I was never really quite sure why. But, the discovery of Charon, and all the math that led to, came up with the idea that Pluto was a lot smaller than people thought.

Then, they discovered more moons in 2005. They named them Nix and Hydra. Then, they discovered two more, in 2011 and 2012, respectively. They haven’t named them yet. And, according to the Laws of Science, Pluto can’t bring the moons home from the hospital until they have a name. Or something.

So, the Website Pluto Rocks (get it?) has been set up to name the two moons. Currently, the frontrunners are Styx and Cerberus. Why a late ’70s rock band would get a moon named after them is something I don’t understand. Maybe Come Sail Away is a lot better song than I realized.

As for Cerebus, that’s a dog. Which is kinda weird, since Pluto is Mickey Mouse’s dog. Can a dog have a dog? I suppose if it’s a three-headed dog, no one would complain. For long.

Anyway, most of the names on the ballot are names you’d expect, like Persephone, Hercules, Orpheus, and Barack.

Wait. Barack isn’t on the list. But they do have a write-in ballot available. Maybe I’ll write in a name. It damn sure won’t be Barack. But, what should I write in? Or, what would you write in?

What should be the names of Pluto’s moons?

Random Thoughts: SOTU Drinking Game

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Someone tell the Washington Post that I have a bridge I’m selling that proves how stupid Sarah Palin is.

I think the world situation is exactly at the point where America needs a huge dummy as Secretary of Defense.

If Obama says, “Yo ho ho, and a bottle of rum,” drink a bottle of rum. #SOTUDrinkingGame

If Obama says, “Drink a shot,” snort cocaine. #SOTUDrinkingGame

If Obama says, “Let me be clear,” drink Everclear until he sounds clear. #SOTUDrinkingGame

Every time Obama reminds the American people he can kill them all with impunity, take a shot. #SOTUDrinkingGame

Every time Obama says “I may be a simple country Hyper-Chicken,” take a shot of Romulan ale. #SOTUDrinkingGame

So is Obama is going to finally going to admit in the SOTU he doesn’t really care about jobs or the economy?

By when do we usually receive requests to speak at CPAC?

So Rand Paul is doing the Tea Party response to the SOTU, and the OWS one will be from Christopher Dorner, I assume.

Haven’t been watching SOTU. Is he claiming that all the things he failed to do for the last four years he’s going to totally get to now?

If only we had even more background checks, that guy wouldn’t have been able to steal guns from his mom.

So did the useless twit say he was going to do something about spending or is he still an entirely pointless human being?

I offered to do the SOTU rebuttal for way cheaper than Rubio was asking.

So what are Ben Carson’s negatives if he decides to run for office? Makes us all feel lazy and unaccomplished?

For the Republicans to have a chance in 2016, they need to find someone who doesn’t drink water.

“And what’s Marco Rubio doing while you’re unemployed and don’t have health care? Drinking water.”

“Do you really want a president too busy keeping himself hydrated to care about your needs?”