Archive of entries posted on 11th February 2013

Wish This Guy Wrote Headlines for the New York Times

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[High Praise! to Rumford Meteor]

Stephen King, Who Lives In A Mansion Paid For By A Book And Movie That Gleefully Depicts A Misfit Murdering Everyone In The Local School Over Taunts, Tries His Hand At Writing Humor And Says The NRA Is To Blame For Sandy Hook

Rumford Meteor doesn’t write stories (unfortunately), but they write the headlines the way they OUGHT to be written.

I’ll make one correction to this, though. It should be a book, a movie, and a pseudonymous novel.

Full disclosure: I love Stephen King’s books & short stories, and I’ve read nearly everything he’s written. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t have his head up his ass on some topics, though.

Probably Really Likes the Parts About Heads on Platters

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At a prayer breakfast, President Obama said, “I often search for scripture to figure out how I can be a better man as well as a better president.”

That explains a lot, since there’s nothing in the Bible but Kings, Emperors, and Pharaohs.

PS – Mr. President… the parts about the early reign of King Manasseh are supposed to be a cautionary tale, not an instruction manual.

Link of the Day: Top 10 Ways to Talk about Libertarianism

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[High Praise! to Transterrestrial Musings and the Cato Institute]

Top 10 Ways to Talk about Libertarianism

Full disclosure: I’m not so much a “Conservative” as I am a “Libertarian Hawk”. By which I mean that unlike that pacifist nutjob Ron Paul, I don’t think America’s right to defend its liberty stops at it borders. I’d be fine with invading and conquering every third-world hellhole on the planet and cramming the benefits of modern civilization and its institutions down everyone’s throat.

Worked pretty good on Japan.

Wouldn’t mind seeing how it worked on DC.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Wisdom of the Day: Whistle Pantsuits Hermione Pirates

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for mor yeers

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oh hello dum stoopid heelbilly neocon teebag jues. its been awile. how did things go wit rominee? did he beet mean scaree obama?

oh. he didnt? that is so sad. heer. you com close. i give u hug. just com reely close and ill…

EET UR EYBALLS AN TURN DEM INTO POO AND THROW THE POO AT U! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!

u dum stoopid heelbilly neocon teebag jues! u no beet obama! he gratest presdent eever! u think dum stoopid rominee who take 47% of womin in bindurs on top of his car could beet obama? u dum stoopids are sooper delooded! evryone luvs obama and grate job he do. he hav to undo damage of dum stoopid heelbilly neocon teebag jue bush and dat take long time. but dat okay becuz obama now have for mor yeers. and by then we weel hav giantest govment eever! and this will make sooper best econimy says paul kroogman hoo u dum stoopids ar to dum stoopid to leestin to.

oh no. ar u dum stoopids sad that republeekins will nevur geet electid ugin? dat must mak u veery sad. com close an i mak u feel bettor. com close…

SO I CAN EET UR EYBALLS AN TURN DEM INTO POO AND THROW THE POO AT U! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!

but no worrees. obamacare cover eyballs beeing turned to poo. maybe den u learn to thank obama and not ageen nominate sooper conservutive extreemist lik rominee. now just stay out of the way for nex for yeers and maybe i dont eet ur eyballs.

This Argument Would Be More Effective If Liberals Thought Stealing Was Wrong

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[High Praise! to Laughing Conservative and Weasel Zippers]

“The illegals say there needs to be a path to citizenship. There is a path to citizenship. They may not like it but it is there.

There is a path to car ownership. You go out and buy one or work out a deal to finance one and make your payments. Some may not like that pathway so they go out and steal one. That is illegal. Just like coming here and not choosing the pathway that has been set forth. If you don’t like it, stay in the country you are presently in.”

The Super Important Issue of the Day: Reducing Our Nuclear Stockpile

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Obama really is on the pulse of the nation. After looking around at the economy, gas prices, employment, and rising cost of living, Obama has determined that the problem we have is too many nuclear weapons and he’s going to get working on that.

I never really got the whole point of nuclear weapons reduction. I mean, what do we care if Russia can nuke us five times over or only three. On the other hand, it does make a huge difference whether a place like Iran or North Korea has zero nuclear weapons versus one. But I doubt this plan of Obama’s will be about reducing those countries’ nuclear weapons back to zero, as that would be something useful, and something useful is pretty much anathema to Obama.

If I were president, I’d push hard for nuclear disarmament too. Because think of it: What if it worked? What if I got all countries to get rid of their nuclear weapons? And then I’d reveal I tricked them and still had all my nuclear weapons and once again America is the sole nuclear power in the world! Bow before us puny other nations!

It probably wouldn’t work, but we’d be dumb not to try!

Cartoon of the Day – Problem Solved

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MichaelRamirez20130211
[Source: Michael Ramirez – GoComics]

I really don’t want to be one to pile on the Post Office. I know some people that work for the Post Office, and the ones I know are good people. And, at the Post Offices nearest where I work — the one in downtown Columbus and the one just across the river in Phenix City — the people there seem to be good folks. Of course, those have jobs where they deal with the public on a regular basis, so you’d think they’d be good at that kind of stuff. The ones I encounter are.

However, the people that I know well, that work the grunt positions behind the scenes, tell the story you’d expect. It’s a government bureaucracy that fails to reward good work and fails to punish bad work. Everybody gets a participation trophy.

Now, these aren’t people telling stories of how they, themselves, were passed over for promotion or recognition. Rather, they speak of others with whom they work that do great work, but are overlooked. They also speak of the stereotypical lazy government worker that others have to cover for, not to keep the other worker out of trouble, but so that Jane and John Public gets their mail.

I suppose they could let the job go undone, but they aren’t that kind of person. They care about their job, and care that the customer get the best service possible.

Only, it’s not always possible. Mail gets delivered late, workers work overtime, all because the system won’t get rid of sorry people. Add that to the typical government mindset that the job doesn’t matter as long as all the forms are filled out, and you have a very inefficient system.

I don’t think what we have is what Benjamin Franklin envisioned.

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Random Thoughts: Marines, Dorner, and the Brain

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If Games Workshop wanted to trademark a common term, they should have followed the SyFy channel and called them “Spaec Mareens.”

Still not sure whether the new episode of Community was fine or fyne.

If Obama want’s to do something about gun violence, he could take on all those people cheering on Christopher Dorner.

Has anyone on the left actually denied they’d be screaming about Christopher Dorner manifesto if it praised Glenn Beck and the NRA?

Is shooting a horse with a broken leg considered a homeopathic remedy?

Why don’t we admit we’re never going to cut spending and put up a countdown clock to government’s collapse so the rest of us can plan.

When people claim the right are unscientific, why do they bring up embryonic stem cell research objections? Isn’t that an ethical issue?

If I decide to become a reasonable Republican standing above the extremism, do I pat my own back or will MSNBC hire me an assistant?

Before you get too angry at someone’s stupidity, remember that the logic and rational thought functions of our brains are still in beta.