I found out a lot of people don’t write interesting stuff like me. They’re boring and stupid and just waste everyone’s time. So at PJ Media I wrote some tips on how to hold a reader’s interest. Yes, that’s right: My writing secrets now wielded by you. Try them out in the comments and see if you can be so interesting I’ll actually read what you wrote.
1. S3X!!
2. MORE S3X!!
3. That’s enough.
How’d I do?
1.) Tell ’em what you’re gonna tell ’em.
2.) ???? (who cares?)
3.) Tell ’em what you just told ’em.
…wait!
4.) Profit! (Is that why you don’t write much here anymore, Frank? No profit in it?)
The suggestion to have a good opening line was a good one. I once read a 1200 page novel just because I wanted to figure why I should call any dude “Ishmael”.
1) Only write on those subjects where you are an authority, like math
2) Write with clarity, uniquely parenthetical parthenogenesis so the reader will understand
5) Briefly summarize the five rules
Epsum factorial non deposit quid obaminum pro quo hic escorol. Olypian quarrels et gorilla congolium sic ad nauseum. Souvlaki ignitus clintonium e pluribus unum. Defacto lingo est igpay atinlay. Marquee selectus non provisio incongruous feline nolo contendre. Gratuitous octopus niacin, sodium glutimate. Quote meon an estimate et non interruptus statisticum.
Go ahead, admit you tried to make sense of it!
Rule 1: Avoid being Barack Obama.
February is the oddest month, even though it’s mostly even. Even I know that. That is why I only read quality fiction from Liberty Island…Thanks, Frank!