Joe (unzipping the backpack): Let’s see what resources we have to work with.  Well, there’s a fair amount of hemp.

Matt: We should take that.

Joe: Totally, bro. We can make some cordage out of that.

Matt: Yeah, cordage….

Joe: And some striped, footy pajamas?

Matt: Better take those too.

Joe: I’m not wearing those, dude.

Matt: Those are all that could be standing between us and hypothermia. The AC is really cranked up in here.

Joe: Which is surprising given that Hillary is known to be extremely cold blooded.

Matt: Just fighting global warming one cubicle at a time, bro.  Cooling the globe through technology.

Joe: I’m still not taking the PJs.  You can take them if you want them.

Matt: Then I’m sleeping toasty tonight.  What do you think about the Obama phone?  Take it or leave it?

Joe: That’s a tough call.  I don’t like leaving resources like that behind, but I just don’t know if I trust it, you know.  It’s probably what got us in this mess in the first place.

Matt:  Totally.  And the NSA will be using it to watch us, bro.  Could be preparing to send the drones out after us already.

Joe: It’s not the NSA I’m worried about.  The security on those things is so weak, odds are the Russians have already hacked it.  Putin is probably watching us.

Matt: Maybe you could look for some kind of reset button.

Joe: I’m really on the fence on this one.

Matt: Why don’t we just take it for now, and if we notice anything suspicious, we can ditch it.

Joe: Ok, I can live with that, but I’m not using the GPS.

Matt: Should we head, then?

Joe: We’re right in the middle of mindless zombie country, and you know how I am about forced protection, so give me a minute, dude.

Matt: I think you are right.  We definitely need something to keep the horde back if we happen upon them.

Joe: The problem with these Hillary thralls is that their brains are so tiny, it makes them really hard to kill.  You can fill their head with holes, I mean, really turn their skull into swiss cheese, and they just keep on coming cause you haven’t even grazed the brain yet.

Matt: So, what do you suggest?

Joe: Our best bet is to find something that will ward them off or scare them off.

Matt: Send them scurrying away into their safe spaces.  I like it.

Joe: Anything that looks like a gun should do the trick.  They have no experience at all with real weapons, so any reasonable facsimile should do it.  Anything with a pointy end and a handle should open their bowels right up.

Matt: Too bad I already ate my Pop Tart, bro.  Hey, maybe we can use this stapler.  Just swing it open at the hinge here. You can even shoot some staples at them if you were in a bind.

Joe:  I like it.  And if you do it fast enough, they might even think it’s some sort of automatic weapon.

Matt: An unregulated assault stapler.

Joe: That should make them run crying for their crayons.  Oh, but before we go.  A couple more quick things.  I’m going to take this Sharpie and obscure my marine tat.  And you better turn that Bernie 2016 shirt inside out.  If they see military or Bernie, those Hillary zombies will start seeing pink, and I don’t even think the staplers will slow them down then, bro.

Matt: On it.  Are we ready then?

Joe: Let’s go.

(To be continued, maybe, if I feel like it….)