High Praise! to DamnCat for the suggestion]
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Democrats held a symposium on “How to Talk to Real People”. They said the best way to do it is…
High Praise! to DamnCat for the suggestion]
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Democrats held a symposium on “How to Talk to Real People”. They said the best way to do it is…
…force them to check their privilege…
…”keep on searchin’ for a heart of gold”…
…lie and filibuster…
Step 1: Pull head out of keister.
2. When you find you are no longer able to do this for yourself… SPEAK MUCH LOUDER.
…picture them as a pet you actually like. (I know it’s a real stretch)
…while wearing overalls and a camo ball cap.
…pretend they’re all dead Chicago voters.
…with words of 1 syllable or less.
…very slowly.
…right after a punch to the temple and a shout of “NAZI!”.
…over wine and tapas – everybody loves tapas!
… to see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you.
…from a lofty moral height, as one would speak to evil ants. And expect the same level of understanding.
…to hire a local interpreter who speaks fluent rube.
…start watching re-runs of Duck Dynasty for remedial education.
They said the best way to do it is…
impossible, since Democrats’ definition of “Real People” is (courtesy of the late great Linda Bowles)
abortion-industry workers, the-sky-is-falling
environmentalists, bilingualists, illegal immigrants, ideologically homeless ex-communists, ommunists, convicted felons, unconvicted felons, pornographers posing as artists, propagandists posing as journalists, network anchors posing, food-stamp junkies, anti-American multiculturalists, hard-core feminists, the venereally diseased, anti-tobacco fascists, anti-religious bigots, latent anti-religious
clerics, pro-gay clergy, gay clergy, government employees, union bosses, government contractors, the Chinese Liberation Army, the sexually
disoriented, educrats, trial lawyers, the willing poor, drug addicts, old-sin New Age atheists, race hustlers, members of the black caucus, professional victims, punk musicians, condom manufacturers, proud and practicing members of the North American Man Boy Love Association (NAMBLA), and dead people buried near Chicago.
and METHODISTS!!
Democrats held a symposium on “How to Talk to Real People”. They said the best way to do it is…
venture further than the nearest Starbucks.
stop talking “At”.
try a little kindness.
Learn their languages so you can chatter with the “Chimp” in Chimpanzee.
mouth closed, ears open.
try not to insult their intelligence by trying to display your own.
remember to tip more than 5%
…understand your audience – know how to tell a cracker from a redneck or a hayseed.
Use a fake accent:
“I ain’t no ways tired”
. . . be sure to helpfully point out their racism, misogyny (internalized if they are cis-females), homophobia, xenophobia, stupidity, inability to recognize their own self-interests, and privilege. They will be resistant to your message of truth, so you will have to shout, wave your arms (think Trigglypuff), wave placards, wear attention-getting clothing representative of genitalia, break windows, crap on cars, attack the police, litter the streets, and maybe burn a limo or two. That’s the only way to convince these cement-headed proles that your reasoning is superior to their narrow-minded, hate-fueled, violence-prone bigotry. Oh, hell, it won’t work, they are irredeemable. Just punch ’em in the face, post it on social media and bask in the praise of like-minded warriors for social justice. Vulva la Resistánce!
Step 1:
Define “real people” as only those who 100% agree with everything you say, think and do regardless if it’s backed up by any real fact or statistic. That way, you can eliminate at least 50% of the population. There’s no need to talk to people who are bigoted, hate filled, misogynistic, homophobic rednecks.
Step 2:
Spend every second waiting for them to say something that doesn’t comply with step 1
Step 3:
The second they say anything that might not comply with step 1, call them a racist.
Step 4:
Walk away.
Step 5(optional):
Vandalize their car, report them to the Massachusetts ‘Hate Crime Hotline’ (1-800-994-3228), even if you’re not in MA, use your Obamafone to post as many untrue statements about them that you can make up in 140 characters (if you can’t count that high, do the best you can), swat them etc etc. If you still feel victimized by their hate, burn down your own neighborhood, that’ll teach them!
You might be a “real person” if you find nothing wrong with the following, coming from the attorney general of your state or country:
Whether it’s potential hate crimes, housing discrimination, or wage theft, the AG’s Office encourages (ILLEGAL)immigrant communities to come forward with their concerns without fear of reprisal based on (ILLEGAL)immigration status.
You know this was posted by a fake person because real people know that NO PERSON IS ILLEGAL AS LONG AS WE FEEL SUPERIOR TO THEM!!11!!11!!
More of your tax dollars at ‘work’
(I was going to say buy a used car and get someone to help you work on it yourself, but I like y’all’s answers much better.)
Go to church?
Play miniature golf?
Tell the truth once a day?
Buy your groceries from a Piggly Wiggly or an Aldis or at least a Food Lion.
Learn to weld or carpentry or lay brick.
(Again youin’s are better—funnier and much less likely to help their cause.)
Step 1: Have some present.
——–
Pelosi Doesn’t Know Where Her ‘Real People’ Are
freebeacon.com | 1/30/17 | Jack Heretik
Pelosi turned the podium over to Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D., N.Y.), who spoke and held a small candle before Pelosi wanted to introduce and bring in some “real people.”
“I want to introduce the real people,” Pelosi said. “I’ll do the real people now.”
Pelosi spoke some more before mentioning two people who would tell “their courageous stories.”
“Are they here?” Schumer asked as he looked around. “Where are they?”
After realizing that the two “real people” were not present, Pelosi and Schumer went to introduce Sen. Chris Murphy (D., Conn.). Murphy was not present either, however. Pelosi and Schumer then went to introduce Sen. Mazie Hirono (D., Hawaii), who did not appear to be at the podium at the time. She was present at the rally and spoke later, however, a spokesman in Hirono’s office told the Washington Free Beacon.
——-
I need to invent some sort of laughing Demoji.
Identify anyone who does not agree with you as a racist, bigoted homophobe. Yell at them until they come around to your point of view. If that doesn’t work, riot, burn, destroy and yell some more. If THAT doesn’t work, have a politician pass a law requiring that they either change their mind or kill themselves.
Lie and use props. Maybe show up in a tank. That’s the ticket!
Perhaps just hold a gun to a dog’s head or the off color sheriff, and market threats.
Or a telethon. Filibuster, whatever. Or cash out, fake your own death, and undergo reconstructive surgery. Live off reruns.
…by first letting the gimp out of his box, thus promoting the spirit of inclusiveness.
Since money talks, democrats force “non-real people” to:
Pay them $15 an hour.
Pay for their rent / utilities.
Pay for their healthcare.
Pay for their food.
Pay for their transportation.
Dems collect kudos and votes for being so compassionate.
to use hand puppets.
not to say, “Good looking cow there” if you’re in Iowa, because it’s probably a pig.
Oh, I get it; I gotta pretend I’m Uncle Screwtape. No, wait; he’s on their side.
I was going to leave a witty comment here but by the time I read all the other comments I forgot what the question is. Eh…sorry, I’ll try and do better next time.