I’ve had dealings with UPS for about 30 years and they’re about 50% on actually delivering my stuff.
My favorite was the girl who testily asked if I knew my address when they delivered my package to the wrong town/zip code.
UPS is starting a drone service. Its first delivery will be…
a box of maple sugar on my birthday.
a gray mackinaw.
some grapefruit from Tampa.
a bathtub and a cross-cut saw.
curtains!
dishes!
a double boiler!
Or it could be
Yes, it could be
Yes, you’re right it surely could be
Somethin’ special
Somethin’ very, very special now
Just for me!
some salmon from Seattle
a new rockin’ chair.
my raisins from Fresno.
O-ho the UPS Drone ith a-comin’ now,
I don’t know how I can ever wait to thee.
It could be thumpin’ for thumone who is
No relation but it could be thump’n thpethul
Just for me!
UPS is starting a drone service. Its first delivery will be…
A box containing: one forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days’ concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings.
The original was supposed to be Dallas, but as Dr. Strangelove was released just after the Kennedy assassination, they dubbed over “Dallas” with “Vegas”. They thought it would be poor form so soon after the assassination.
I hate to appear facile
But in Brazil they pronounce it “Bazeel”
Built a church out of silica
(Couldn’t pronounce “basilica”)
It collapsed. They are pondering steel.
UPS is starting a drone service. Its first delivery will be…
Tuna. per Damncat.
Tuna from heaven!
Accompanied by the whirring sound not unlike a can opener.
or is that purr Damncat?
UPS is starting a drone service. Its first delivery will be…
well I’m not saying it a box for some Aliens but… it will be a box for some Aliens.
UPS is starting a drone service. Its first delivery will be…
a Hellfire missile.
(Take THAT you biting dog you!)
UPS is starting a drone service. Its first delivery will be…
a bouncing baby boy weighing 6lbs 5oz.
UPS is starting a drone service. Its first delivery will be…
delivered to the wrong address.
And late.
I’ve had dealings with UPS for about 30 years and they’re about 50% on actually delivering my stuff.
My favorite was the girl who testily asked if I knew my address when they delivered my package to the wrong town/zip code.
UPS is starting a drone service. Its first delivery will be…
a can of whoopass courtesy of Chuck Norris.
UPS is starting a drone service. Its first delivery will be…
my afternoon Martini.
Shaken, not stirred.
… a mixture of nectar and pollen for the other drones in the hive.
…a new contract from Amazon to FedEx.
… a sign, for the moon, that reads “Amazon”…
… LeBron James’ common sense, but it will arrive way too late…
Mark it “Undeliverable.”
… a sh!!load of dimes to some [you know the list]
… intercepted by an angry bald eagle…
a broken drone.
… whirled peas…
absentee ballots to felons in the pen.
a laden swallow.
A small horse…. subsequently the name of the service — The Pony Express
My Little Pony Express.
… Hunter Biden’s severance check. Nothing to see here. Move along.
… coal, to Newcastle…
… a box of recipes, some VHS tapes, and old photographs…
…a used delivery truck.
… buggy whips…
… updated route options for Jerry Brown’s high-speed rail project…
…stolen by some porch pirates.
Aaarh!
“Hoist the Jolly Rocker!” — porch pirate
… Hillary and Chelsea’s books to the nearest incinerators
Will the drones be brown?
“Look! Up in the sky–
It’s a bird.
It’s a plane!
It’s…
A flying dookie?”
What can Brown do for… I mean ‘on’ you.
…clay pigeons to the skeet range.
UPS is starting a drone service. Its first delivery will be…
…its last. (Mwuah ha ha ha!)
UPS is starting a drone service. Its first delivery will be…
the head of Alfredo Garcia.
…the transcript from Ron Reagan Jr.’s “Atheist Ad” from the CNN debates.
… stamps to the USPS
UPS is starting a drone service. Its first delivery will be…
a box of maple sugar on my birthday.
a gray mackinaw.
some grapefruit from Tampa.
a bathtub and a cross-cut saw.
curtains!
dishes!
a double boiler!
Or it could be
Yes, it could be
Yes, you’re right it surely could be
Somethin’ special
Somethin’ very, very special now
Just for me!
some salmon from Seattle
a new rockin’ chair.
my raisins from Fresno.
O-ho the UPS Drone ith a-comin’ now,
I don’t know how I can ever wait to thee.
It could be thumpin’ for thumone who is
No relation but it could be thump’n thpethul
Just for me!
Candygram for Mongo
a herring,
a shrubbery,
The Holy handgrenade of Antioch
LEEROY JENKINS!
the Maltese Falcon
… the latest Sears & Roebuck catalog…
UPS is starting a drone service. Its first delivery will be…
A box containing: one forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days’ concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings.
Shoot, a fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.
Um…Dallas…especially if you read lips.
The original was supposed to be Dallas, but as Dr. Strangelove was released just after the Kennedy assassination, they dubbed over “Dallas” with “Vegas”. They thought it would be poor form so soon after the assassination.
And now you know.
…Basil not Basil.
delivered to Basil not Basil.
I hear he lives in Basel.
How’s that pronounced?
Basel, not Basel.
I hate to appear facile
But in Brazil they pronounce it “Bazeel”
Built a church out of silica
(Couldn’t pronounce “basilica”)
It collapsed. They are pondering steel.
It’s only a model.
…contract overage delivery from FedEx.
… a contracted underage delivery from Jeffrey Epstein’s estate to Bill Clinton.
UPS is starting a drone service. Its first delivery will be…
from Mr. Obama, and very loud. All of his drone deliveries are very loud.