Aquaman is not the hero we need but he’s the hero we deserve.

I hope 3 years is enough for Cohen to learn his lesson and not do whatever it is he did again. Collude with Russia or something? I don’t really follow all this.

“Why do Republicans keep spending so much attention on the dumb socialist who gets constant media coverage and says lots of dumb things? Let me plug this data into my calculator to figure it out.”
BEEP
BOOP

3yo: “Say ‘I am your father.'”
ME: “Okay.” in deep voice “I am your father.”
3yo: “That’s not true! That’s impossible!”
…
3yo: “Say ‘Search your feelings.'”

People who do not like The Princess Bride do not deserve scorn; they deserve pity. Think of how you’d feel if you were denied the joy of that movie.

I always found the limitation on who can be president the most pointless part of the Constitution. If the American public really were about to elect a 5yo Chinese national as president, one line in the Constitution isn’t going to rescue us.

A really great idea is to have presidents constantly daring the Supreme Court to stop them.

I could be chief of staff. How much does it pay?

The scientific name of the subspecies the western lowland gorilla is — and I’m not making this up — Gorilla gorilla gorilla.
That kind of seems unfair to the other gorillas. The western lowland gorilla will be seen as the “true gorilla” and the others as something lesser.
And, for the record, there is nothing scientific about saying the world “gorilla” three times in a row.

What is a good amount of paternity leave? For my second kid, I got two weeks, which felt like a lot. For this upcoming fourth kid, I plan to take a week off. I work from home and have a flexible schedule, so anything more seems excessive.

I find the Beto stuff bizarre. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. I honestly don’t get his appeal beyond him being a bland privileged white guy.
Let me be clear: I don’t have anything against bland, privileged white guys. I just expect there to be something else to someone before everyone rallies around him to be president. Beto seems interchangeable with millions of other people.

Why would you do a Downton Abbey movie? The series ending was almost like an homage to the Wayne’s World happy ending. Seems cruel to not just leave that the last word on the characters.

John Mulaney is an interesting choice for Chief of Staff. I wish him success in that role and hope his Spider-man movie out today does well, too.

My daughter got some toy test tubes from the dollar store and calls them “science tubes.” She’s labeled them and put different colored liquids in them because that is how you science.

A big part of being successful is learning from failure. When Nancy Sinatra’s single “These Boots Are Purely Ornamental” was a flop, she learned what didn’t work with that song to eventually make a number one hit.

Time to watch the Star Trek Christmas special The Wreath of Khan.

I think we all agree Trump is a pretty decent president, but our biggest fear is that an advanced alien race visits our planet, asks to see our leader, and when they go to see Trump, he kills them and eats them.

I’d like to conduct my life in a way where it’s easier to tell I’m a Christian and harder to tell my exact politics.

Here’s how to make a good Aquaman movie:
1. Have him played by Keanu Reeves
2. Give him a gun
3. Change his name to “John Wick”
4. Don’t have him go anywhere near water

I feel like anyone arguing Die Hard isn’t a Christmas movie should end their statement with “Bah humbug!”

The left are completely incoherent. One moment they’re saying we need to fight global warming and the next moment they’re saying we need to abolish ice.

The character Holdo from The Last Jedi seemed like misogyny entrapment. The purple hair, cocktail dress, how she treated Poe – you were supposed to be dismissive of her and then proven wrong in the end. But you weren’t wrong. No functional military should have had her as a leader

Is it just me, or is the idea you need four years of college to program computers kind of a scam?

officials in England in the 1990s
“Knives and swords are okay — we can deal with those — but a super-powered nunchuk attack is UNBLOCKABLE. We can’t even let kids see it lest they tie two sticks together with a string.”

My novel Sidequest: In Realms Ungoogled is free today on Kindle. Merry Christmas!

I didn’t finally start playing GTA V until recently because I felt so burned by GTA IV which had perfect reviews but I found it tedious. Haven’t finished it, but so far it’s like 20 times better than IV.
GTA V is the third highest selling game of all time, so I kind of felt obligated to finally try it and find out why.
The only thing I want is more fast travel. I don’t enjoy driving 5 minutes from one end of the map to the other. I have been using cabs less than I did in GTA IV, though.

The irony of Chick-fil-A being closed on Sunday is the business they’re most missing out on are Christians going out for lunch after church.

I want to be the person who draws the pictures for IKEA assembly instructions.
“Make it look a lot like the real thing… but slightly off so everyone is always second-guessing themselves.”