“Fahrenheit 9/11 was a real eye-opener for me,” Osama said on the broadcast, “I mean, I hated and wanted to kill all Americans before then, but now I’m really disgusted by Bush’s incompetence. Anyway, I just want to echo P. Diddy’s message and say, ‘Vote Or Die,’ but also add, ‘Vote And Die.’ I’m pretty set on killing you either way. I would like to add that I think Kerry would make a much better leader for your destruction than Bush; Kerry seems like a good man. I’ll kill him last.”
“Taunting me just before the election,” Bush said as he shook his fist at the screen. “I’ll show him by getting reelected, capturing him, and then strangling him with an extension cord. I even picked out the cord; boy was Laura angry when I unplugged it while she was watching her soaps.”
Karl Rove emerged from the shadows. “We must focus on the battleground states. If Kerry takes them and becomes president, it will be doom… DOOM! Or, even worse, another Carter.”
“I won’t let that happen,” Bush said firmly, “That’s why I have Schwarzenegger and Giuliani getting my message out. Cheney even sped out to one state when we found out it could be in our column.
Cheney sat near a beach in Hawaii drinking a Mai Tai. “Now this is campaigning.”
Some Hawaiians walked up to Cheney. “We will only vote for Bush if you can best our champion in a surfing competition.”
Cheney quickly finished his Mai Tai in one last gulp. “Ah, hell.”
“Also,” Bush told Rove, “to make sure we aren’t held up by false charges of voter intimidation, I sent Rumsfeld’s dog and U.N. peacekeeper Chomps to monitor heavily Democrat districts.”
“No one has been able to enter the polling place,” said the anchorwoman, “Due to a violent rottweiler in a blue helmet attacking anyone who comes near. Some describe the dog as ‘angry,’ while others describe him as ‘very angry.'”
“Plus, I sent Condi to appeal to Latino voters.”
Condoleezza Rice smiled unconvincingly. “So who likes salsa?”
“She’s Latino, right?” Bush asked, “I forget what defines that.”
“Let’s not worry about that,” Rove answered, “We also need to try and win some Democrats.”
“I deployed Rumsfeld to do just that,” Bush said proudly.
“Numerous Democrats have been found dead,” the anchorman reported, “Possibly victims of the so-called ‘Rumsfeld Strangler.’ Democrats are cautioned to stay indoors and, under no circumstances, vote.”
“You need to answer the charges of the missing explosives,” Rove cautioned.
“I’ve been telling the press that they’re in my garage!” Bush shouted, “They’re only interested in making me look bad, though! When I get reelected, I vow to destroy them!”
“The destruction of the mainstream media has already been predicted in the Book of Punditry,” Rove answered, “Quote, ‘The media shall collapse under its own weight, and the truth shall be told by those in pajamas.’ So keep your concern on this election. It must be known to the people that Kerry and Edwards are too incompetent to take on the terrorist threat.”
“Inject my face with more botulism and paint me orange again!” Kerry ordered, “I must look my best for when I’m elected!”
“And make sure to set aside five hours to ensure my hair look fab-U-lous!” Edwards said.
“Then all that’s left to do is to go out there and prove I’m extra competent,” Bush said, “Hopefully the American people will be smart enough to recognize that.” Bush then turned to head out to campaign.
“Good luck to you,” Rove said, “but one last thing.”
“What?”
“Remember to put on some pants.”
Bush looked down. “Oh yeah.”
TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW IN A REAL WORLD NEAR YOU
Of course if Bush went out without the pants he would be able to prove he is the better man.
Awesome! I loved the ‘Rumsfeld Strangler.’ and Condi asking who liked salsa. fab-U-lous!”
Mmmm…attention deficit election…
While I refuse to vote for Bin Laden’s candidate, does anyone else think that the next few months of In My World would be amazing if Kerry wins?
“…the truth shall br told by those in pajamas.” Excellent. And Toad, do you mean better man or bigger man? Compared to kerry it shouldn’t be hard to prove either way.
No pants?
Is Bush taking hints from Clinton now?
Everytime I start having an anxiety attack, that you might be running out of good stuff, you put one out like this.
Chomps as a UN poll observer. Brilliant.
The blue helmet was a nice touch.
ChrTh, you have a point, but I personally think Bush is a much funnier character than Kerry.
Whew! I’m glad Rummy’s on the job!!
I would have laughed harder if Cheney had said, “You’re on.”
Shaggydave
What you said, yeah!
Film at 11.
You know something…this is In My World. So it’s Frank’s world. Which means if Kerry wins in the real world, he doesn’t have to win here! … Frank can spend the next four years (until McCain wins in 2008) detailing how the Bush administration would be effectively dealing with all the events Kerry botches!
Although Frank’s take on Kerry’s administration would be great, too. Hrmm, maybe 2 Worlds for Frank?
Ah to hell with it. We’ll just have Bush win and render the whole thing moot.
‘The media shall collapse under its own weight, and the truth shall be told by those in pajamas.’ Hee, hee…ain’t it the truth! Seriously, ‘in my world’ is saving me from the chronic indigestion, insomnia and screaming panic attacks that have been annoying me over the last week or so. Thanx.
McCain in 2008? I’m tellin’ ya, Jack Ryan’s gonna make a come-back! Jack Ryan in 2008!
the Condi part is priceless.
“Kerry seems like a good man. I’ll kill him last”
Aah, the old and proven crocodile algorithm.
Not First!!!, and Not Poop my Self!!!
rice/McCain 08
Rock on! This is my first time actually posting but I support this site fully. You have some hilarious ideas and this site is a good read after hearing the liberal tripe on tv :P. well, keep on truckin frank and other bush supporters. May the election favor us..
‘The media shall collapse under its own weight, and the truth shall be told by those in pajamas.’
Yay! But what about the one in boxer shorts?