Archive of entries posted on 9th November 2004

Arafat Dead? Or So It’s Said

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They’re now saying Arafat is dead again. I think the Israelis better hit him with a targeted missile strike just for old-times’ sake; whatever the case, he isn’t going anywhere fast. It’ll be funny to hear the impotent cries of rage from France if Israel attack Paris, too:
“You better not do that three more time or we shall get stern!”
Also, it will settle the issue of where to bury Arafat. Now he can be put in a coffee can (don’t forget his Nobel Peace Prize) and tossed in the sea. It could be Israel’s first step towards pushing all Palestinians into the sea.
UPDATE: He’s not dead again. End this crap; missile strike!

Free Speech Is for Winners
An Editorial by Frank J.

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 I’m a Republican. I’m a winner. You listen to what I say. That’s what you’re doing right now. What I say is important because I’m on the winning side.

 Some people disagree with me, but I don’t care what they have to say. You saw the election? People who disagree with me – the left – are losers. People heard what they had to say and they hated it.

 People hate losers.

“I get to keep talking. I’m a winner. “

 These losers think they have a freedom of speech to keep talking their loser talk. That’s stupid. My time is valuable. You know how much my time costs? It’s more than you can afford. I shouldn’t waste it on loser talk that’s already rejected. The American people think their ideas are dumb, so they should have to shut up. I get to keep talking. I’m a winner.

 For example, some people want to argue whether we should be warring. That’s loser talk, No more of that. We all decided war is fun and cool, so shut up about it. What you can argue is who we kill next. That’s winner talk. That’s freedom of speech that should be allowed.

 So am I saying that losers should be punished for saying loser speech. Yes I am. They should be beaten with winner sticks wielded by winners like me until they shut up. That’s right, losers: I don’t have time to listen to you. I only have time to hit with you sticks. Rocks, too.

 Now we only use winner talk. We talk about cutting taxes and killing bad people. You want to talk about something else, you’re a loser and I have my stick. I’m a winner. I get to talk.

 …Well, I don’t have anything to say right now. When I do, though, you listen. I’m a winner.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is the author of such books as “‘You’re a Failure’ and Other Reasons Your Parents Never Loved You” and “I Swear to God I’ll Kill the @%#$& Bastard Who Moved My Cheese!”