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Archive of entries posted on 11th November 2004
Question of the Day
What sort of holiday should we use to celebrate the day of Arafat’s death?
For one, we have to decide what day to celebrate it on. It can’t be today (Veteran’s Day) or yesterday (the Marines’ birthday), but he probably actually died on Sunday, so we’ll celebrate it that day. Here are some holiday suggestions for the anniversary of Arafat’s death:
* Terrorist’s Death Day – A day we celebrate the cool death of terrorists, such as the one who was in a wheelchair and got hit with a cruise missile. That was awesome!
* Brain Hemorrhage Appreciation Day (or whatever the hell it was that killed him)
* Ringo Starr Look-Alike Day
* Johnson’s Baby Wipes Appreciation Day
Also, maybe we could start a charity to help the victims of Nobel Peace Prize winners. I know some people are still recovering from the Carter administration.
Well, those are my ideas. What do you think?
Liberty Comes from the American Spirit and Some Well-Placed Rounds
I asked my brother, Joe Foo’ the Marine, what he thought right after the election, and here’s what he said:
What I thought after the elections after seeing DU, Daily Kos, Michael Moore et.al, was the words of the governator in Conan the Barbarian:
Conan, what is good in life?:
Conan: To crush your enemy, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women.
Anyway, today is Veteran’s Day. It’s also my older brother’s birthday. I was thinking of posting his Amazon wishlist to help him get plenty of DVD’s and such for when he heads to Iraq early next year. I don’t know if he’d have wanted that, though. Plus, I can say his family has him pretty well-covered.
What I would like is to post a link to are some of the charities helping out those overseas right now. I know there are some, but I can’t remember them off-hand, so help would be appreciated.
Anyway, for more on Veteran’s Day, here is a tribute to a soldier who recently gave his life for us. If you know more good Veteran’s Day links, put them in my comments. For those who don’t know HTML, here’s how you write a hyperlink:
<a href=”URL GOES HERE”>TEXT FOR LINK GOES HERE</a>
I try to remember every day that the only reason I have the freedom and the opportunity I do now is because of those who bled here and in lands faraway. As troops are fighting a real war now, it’s sad we have to fight a media war back here in the States. Let’s do the best we can to support them; it’s the least we can do.
Yasser, He’s Dead, Jim
Yasser Arafat is dead!
Officially!
I should do a happy dance…
Dude, Where’s My Votes?
Man, I was so happy with our win, but then I found out that places like Democratic Underground are arguing that Bush stole the election once again. What? But what about all those votes? Well, Wikipedia even has a page up about how the election was stolen with charts and everything. Is something up? Well, I contacted my local wing of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy who patched me into the national arm of the VRWC. Then I got to talk to two people I shall refer to as Hacker1 and Hacker2. Here is the conversation:
Frank: So, did we steal the election this time?
Hacker1: Yeah, totally. We like rigged all the machines so there was no way we could lose.
Frank: Why didn’t you tell me we had it in the bag? I was like totally worried about this election!
Hacker2: Sorry, dude, but we were like told not to spread it around too much.
Hacker1: Yeah, we needed everyone to act like it was close and worrisome so no one would know we like totally hacked it. That Karl Rove is smart, dude; he knows how to run things.
Hacker2: Yeah, Rove is totally evil and totally cool.
Frank: So did you hack voting everywhere?
Hacker1: Yeah, otherwise it would look weird if we only improved in the battleground states.
Hacker2: Rove was completely in charge of all that. He even came in last minute and said, “Give them New Hampshire,” and we were like, “Whatever.”
Frank: So was it hard hacking the vote?
Hacker1: Sorta, but Diebold gave us easy to follow instructions.
Hacker2: We totally owned all the votes.
Hacker1: Totally.
Hacker2: It was funny to see the Democrats try and cheat the old-fashioned way. They can bring in all the dead people they want to vote, but we’ll just change their votes to Republican in the end.
Hacker1: (laughs) I bet you didn’t know this, but Michael Moore voted for Bush.
Hacker2: (laughs) He doesn’t know it either.
Frank: But aren’t people going to find out about this eventually?
Hacker1: Not if we’re careful, dude.
Hacker2: First off, we’re not going to hand out many landslides. It’s going to be a bunch of real close ones so we can say to the Democrats, “Oh, that was so close. You really should try again.”
Hacker1: (laughs) We’re going to drive them nuts.
Hacker2: Anyway, the VRWC will save money in the future as we cut back on commercials and campaign appearances, but Rove will make sure we don’t cut back so much that it looks suspicious.
Frank: Except to the Democratic Underground.
Hacker1: Yeah, there’s no fooling those guys. They’re on top of everything. Luckily, Rove had a plan for them too.
Hacker2: What he did was get all these mental patients – total schizos – and brainwash them about how evil the Republicans are. Then he gave them internet connections.
Hacker1: Now the schizos that Rove planted totally rule the Democratic Underground discussion forum. They’re the most prolific posters. Instead of getting anywhere on all the evil plans we have, they waste time blaming a Democrat event being rained out on Karl Rove.
Hacker2: Which is stupid because our weather machine is only 60% complete.
Frank: What about bloggers talking about voting malfeasance?
Hacker1: Dude, Rove totally owns the blogosphere. Most of the popular bloggers write only what Rove tells them.
Frank: Like who?
Hacker1: Well, Charles Johnson of Little Green Footballs, half the people at the Volokh Conspiracy, and Scott Ott of Scrappleface.
Frank: I knew it!
Hacker2: The phrase “Axis of Weasels” was all Rove’s idea.
Frank: So he controls the bloggers to combat the left-wing blogs like the DailyKos?
(both hackers laugh)
Hacker1: Dude, Rove personally writes DailyKos.
Hacker2: Yeah, he wants to control what the left are whining about.
Frank: Whoa! That Rove is one sinister, evil dude!
Hacker2: Totally.
Frank: Hey, has Rove ever mentioned my site?
Hacker1: Uh… yeah, once. He asked me, “What’s this site ‘IMAO’?” And I told him, “Remember, it’s the one with the moon exploding.” And he said, “Oh yeah, it’s the stupid site about the angry dog.”
Frank: Cool! He knows my site! So, back to the main subject, what’s in the future of voting now that we own it?
Hacker1: We’ll only keep fixing elections for so long. Eventually we’ll dissolve the Democratic party and turn the U.S. into a one-party ruled dictatorship.
Hacker2: That’s Rove’s long-term plans.
Frank: Neato. Well, thanks for talking to me.
Hacker1: You’re not going to publish this, are you?
Frank: Uh… well… er… uh… no.
