It’s LaShawn Barber’s blogiversary, and she has a bunch of great celebratory links about the election.
Greyhawk has how troops are reacting to the election in Iraq.
How can someone named Smiley be so angry? Bob has the story.
Spoons is all over the looming threat of S.P.E.C.T.R.E. I still stand by my idea I mentioned while liveblogging.
Though Ebert has been annoying me with his liberal views increasingly creeping into his reviews, the move Michael Moore Hates America got two thumbs up from Ebert & Roeper, saying that, despite its titles, it’s actually a quite positive movie. Go here for the audio. Sounds like a good movie to watch in a victory celebration… just like Team America.

Thanks to your input, here is the 2004 victory t-shirt ready for your orders. I can’t wait to wear one to work.

I’m on the Michael Moore mailing list, and I got this today:

11/5/04
That is correct. I won’t fisk that.
Dear Friends,
I hate you.
Aww… that not true. You’re now an amusing idiot.
Ok, it sucks. Really sucks. But before you go and cash it all in, let’s, in
the words of Monty Python, ‘always look on the bright side of life!’ There
IS some good news from Tuesday’s election.
Yeah, an increase in Senate seats and House seats for the Republicans plus a mandate for Bush. Boo-yeah!
Here are 17 reasons not to slit your wrists:
Wow. I could only think of four.
1. It is against the law for George W. Bush to run for president again.
No. Remember how you said he stole the first election? That means he was only legitimately elected once and can run again.
2. Bush’s victory was the NARROWEST win for a sitting president since
Woodrow Wilson in 1916.
And he got a majority of the vote, something even the lecherous hillbilly never achieved.
3. The only age group in which the majority voted for Kerry was young adults
(Kerry: 54%, Bush: 44%), proving once again that your parents are always
wrong and you should never listen to them.
Don’t worry; once the young get jobs, reality will hit them and they’ll become more conservative. Plus, the Roe Effect will keep the youth vote even more conservative in the future.
4. In spite of Bush’s win, the majority of Americans still think the
country is headed in the wrong direction (56%), think the war wasn’t worth fighting (51%), and don’t approve of the job George W. Bush is doing (52%). (Note to foreigners: Don’t try to figure this one out. It’s an American thing, like Pop Tarts.)
Other American things: courage, resolve, and strength. Moore’s followers shouldn’t try to figure those out either.
5. The Republicans will not have a filibuster-proof 60-seat majority in the
Senate. If the Democrats do their job, Bush won’t be able to pack the
Supreme Court with right-wing ideologues. Did I say “if the Democrats do
their job?” Um, maybe better to scratch this one.
Heh. Sometimes you are amusing. You should make another movie like Canadian Bacon.
6. Michigan voted for Kerry! So did the entire Northeast, the birthplace of
our democracy. So did 6 of the 8 Great Lakes States. And the whole West
Coast! Plus Hawaii. Ok, that’s a start. We’ve got most of the fresh water,
all of Broadway, and Mt. St. Helens. We can dehydrate them or bury them in
lava. And no more show tunes!
Now you’re just getting silly. Look at what percentage of gun owners voted Bush before you start making threats.
7. Once again we are reminded that the buckeye is a nut, and not just any
old nut — a poisonous nut. A great nation was felled by a poisonous nut.
May Ohio State pay dearly this Saturday when it faces Michigan.
That’s just spite speaking.
8. 88% of Bush’s support came from white voters. In 50 years, America will
no longer have a white majority. Hey, 50 years isn’t such a long time! If
you’re ten years old and reading this, your golden years will be truly
golden and you will be well cared for in your old age.
And minorities are gradually voting more Republican. In 50 years, you’ll only find Democrats in the history books.
9. Gays, thanks to the ballot measures passed on Tuesday, cannot get married
in 11 new states. Thank God. Just think of all those wedding gifts we won’t
have to buy now.
I think this blow to Moore has made him funnier. I can now remember the days I didn’t intensely hate him (and then I think of his disgusting letter right after 9/11).
10. Five more African Americans were elected as members of Congress,
including the return of Cynthia McKinney of Georgia. It’s always good to
have more blacks in there fighting for us and doing the job our candidates
can’t.
Shouldn’t talk of Cynthia McKinney gone under that part where you spoke of poisonous nuts? Maybe she’ll start accusing Bush of knowing he was going to be reelected.
11. The CEO of Coors was defeated for Senate in Colorado. Drink up!
I never drank Coors, but this still hurts. I wanted a five seat Senate gain. Well, phooey.
12. Admit it: We like the Bush twins and we don’t want them to go away.
Well, liberals and conservatives can agree on one thing. That’s heartening.
13. At the state legislative level, Democrats picked up a net of at least 3
chambers in Tuesday’s elections. Of the 98 partisan-controlled state
legislative chambers (house/assembly and senate), Democrats went into the
2004 elections in control of 44 chambers, Republicans controlled 53
chambers, and 1 chamber was tied. After Tuesday, Democrats now control 47
chambers, Republicans control 49 chambers, 1 chamber is tied and 1 chamber
(Montana House) is still undecided.
You lost me with that one. Who got elected to what now?
14. Bush is now a lame duck president. He will have no greater moment than
the one he’s having this week. It’s all downhill for him from here on out —
and, more significantly, he’s just not going to want to do all the hard work
that will be expected of him. It’ll be like everyone’s last month in 12th
grade — you’ve already made it, so it’s party time! Perhaps he’ll treat the
next four years like a permanent Friday, spending even more time at the
ranch or in Kennebunkport. And why shouldn’t he? He’s already proved his
point, avenged his father and kicked our ass.
Yeah, he sure kicked your ass, but the lame duck is quite a stretch. With the increased majorities in the Legislature and no worries of reelection, expect more hell for you left-wing nuts. You’re going to squeal like pigs when we’re done!
15. Should Bush decide to show up to work and take this country down a very
dark road, it is also just as likely that either of the following two
scenarios will happen: a) Now that he doesn’t ever need to pander to the
Christian conservatives again to get elected, someone may whisper in his ear
that he should spend these last four years building “a legacy” so that
history will render a kinder verdict on him and thus he will not push for
too aggressive a right-wing agenda; or b) He will become so cocky and
arrogant — and thus, reckless — that he will commit a blunder of such
major proportions that even his own party will have to remove him from
office.
Or people will love him even more such that your pathetic voices of doomsaying fade so far into the background as to not be heard anymore.
Ah, feel that sweet silence.
16. There are nearly 300 million Americans — 200 million of them of voting
age. We only lost by three and a half million! That’s not a landslide — it
means we’re almost there. Imagine losing by 20 million. If you had 58 yards
to go before you reached the goal line and then you barreled down 55 of
those yards, would you stop on the three yard line, pick up the ball and go
home crying — especially when you get to start the next down on the three
yard line? Of course not! Buck up! Have hope! More sports analogies are
coming!!!
I don’t care if you have three yards or one yard to go; we’re going to sack the crap out of you. Hell, we’ll knock you back twelve more yards. More violent sport analogies to come.
17. Finally and most importantly, over 55 million Americans voted for the
candidate dubbed “The #1 Liberal in the Senate.” That’s more than the total
number of voters who voted for either Reagan, Bush I, Clinton or Gore.
Again, more people voted for Kerry than Reagan. If the media are looking for
a trend it should be this — that so many Americans were, for the first time
since Kennedy, willing to vote for an out-and-out liberal. The country has
always been filled with evangelicals — that is not news. What IS news is
that so many people have shifted toward a Massachusetts liberal. In fact,
that’s BIG news. Which means, don’t expect the mainstream media, the ones
who brought you the Iraq War, to ever report the real truth about November
2, 2004. In fact, it’s better that they don’t. We’ll need the element of
surprise in 2008.
Don’t call Kerry a liberal; you’re trying to scare people by labeling him that. He ran from that label as will everyone else as it is the kiss of death and always will be. Even with all the MSM on his side, people still saw the truth and voted that way.
Feeling better? I hope so. As my friend Mort wrote me yesterday, “My
Romanian grandfather used to say to me, ‘Remember, Morton, this is such a
wonderful country — it doesn’t even need a president!'”
Actually, that’s a sweet saying.
But it needs us. Rest up, I’ll write you again tomorrow.
I’ll be waiting!
Yours,
Michael Moore
MMFlint@aol.com
www.michaelmoore.com
Oh yeah, you’re fat!
Anyway, I need to remember to pick up the Team America soundtrack on the way home…

I don’t think that was my best In My World™, but I have four more years to try and reach comic genius. Also, I’ll work with Scott for some new audio bits. Hopefully you’ll soon be hearing IMAO on a radio station near you.
Man, I’m just so happy. How’s everyone else doing?

Here’s an idea for a new victory t-shirt. I like it, but what do you think?

BTW, In My World™ coming soon.

Also, Doug already as a good shirt or two that works for a victory celebration.

That was all the seriousness I’m going to do. I have an In My World™ I’m working on that I’ll post later, plus Michael Moore has finally spoken since the election results and listening to him should be fun. I am back at work today thanks to all those who wished me well and didn’t just yell, “Dance! DANCE!” but that means I’ll have to wait for some breaks to finish things up. Later, sportsfans.
UPDATE: Make sure to read Whitler’s actually short response to the Bush win.
Also, I just got an e-mail from none other than The Limey. And guess what band he references?

“The Terrorists Lost” – that should be the headline for this election. There has always been talk of if this or that happens the “terrorists will have won.” Well, by reelecting Bush, the terrorists lost.
As much as I’d like to spend all my time gloating in the face of the silly liberals who demonized Bush, they are not the enemies. Michael Moore never cut off anyone’s head. In 2000, I would have reacted to this win with pure partisan glee, but this is not 2000. Everything did change on September 11th, 2001, and now I’m just relieved.
I had been lying about my feeling towards the election… sometimes to myself. The way I keep my humor for this site is never taking anything in politics too seriously, but I take this war on terrorism seriously and constantly saw the election through that perspective. It didn’t matter who was a Republican or a Democrat or who stood for what. What we had was an incumbent who started a real war with the terrorists, and they tried to punish us – to hurt us and others – to scare us away from reelecting him. If we had elected the challenger, rightly or wrongly they would have seen that as a win and been invigorated in thinking they could influence us by more violence. The cost to dissuade them of that idea could have been enormous. I was fearful of that result and had a great speech prepared for a Kerry win, something patriotic and optimistic because I thought it was important we did our best to win against the terrorists no matter what happened with politics. The real strength of this nation is not which party temporarily holds power in government, but in each person. I think Kerry said it well in his concession speech when he said, “In an American election there are no losers, because whether or not our candidates are successful, the next morning we all wake up as Americans.”
But I don’t have to say my speech, as the incumbent was reelected. Thus we have said definitively to the terrorists that we want them dead, and they can’t scare us from that goal. They tried, and they failed. Often, the terrorists have foolishly thought they have won, but this time they know they lost. We are resolved to take them down, and we can’t be dissuaded from it. The terrorists know this and are disenchanted.
There is still a lot of work to do, though. There is much evil out there, and we must face it. Our troops still stand in harm’s way, and they need our support to triumph. There are many countries trying to stand against us, and it will take our resolve to make them back down.
As Bush said, “It’s hard work.”
So let’s roll.