The hooded figure of Karl Rove emerged from the shadows. “The time has come,” he intoned. He then tossed off his cloak. “To party!”
Music played, and all the Bush administration danced around. Chomps began angrily/happily attacking the furniture.
“You’re making a mess!” Laura chided.
Bush grabbed her and started dancing with her. “And we have four years to clean it up.”
“I’m glad you didn’t fail to win reelection,” Rumsfeld said, “I had such a great collection of terrorist skulls, but I want to collect them all!”
“And I have so many more evil schemes to plot,” Condi said as she smiled wickedly.
“Plus Halliburton demands more mindless destruction!” Cheney said.
“And I’m starting to like talking to the press,” Scott McClellan said, “They don’t spit at me as much anymore.”
“Quiet, everybody, I’m making a phone call,” Bush said as he picked up the phone.
“Daschle here.”
“It’s Bush. I’m saddened to hear you’ll be leaving us.”
“Thanks. It’s been…”
“Jackass!” Bush laughed, “Don’t let the Capitol door hit you in the ass on the way out!”
“We still have to work with each other for a couple more months and…”
Bush handed the phone to Cheney. “Tell him what he can do to himself.”
“Certainly, sir.”
Bush spotted his daughters. “How are my little angels doing?”
“We’re drunk!” they answered.
“That’s my girls!”
Condi then walked up to Bush. “All this partying is fine, but let’s not forget about terrorism.”
“I won’t,” Bush answered, “but where is your blouse?”
“I’m looking for it!” Condi answered defensively.
“Well, don’t worry about terrorism; I’ve informed our troops to work extra-hard to kill terrorists.”
Buck the Marine’s commanding officer announced, “President Bush has been reelected.”
A loud “Ooh-rah!” was heard.
“And now the terrorist killing quota has been upped. You all need to kill at least six before you can get lunch.”
Buck prepped his M-16. “I’m going to kill me ten!”
“This party is getting out of control,” Laura warned Bush, “How many times have I told your friends no fireworks indoors?”
“I’m sorry, dear, but we like super won!” Bush said. He then opened a window and shouted out, “Who’s your president?”
“You are!” came back thousands of voices.
“Well, don’t let it get to your head,” Laura stated, “You still have lots of work to do.”
“And I’ll get to it,” Bush answered, “but just imagine what all those nuts against me must be doing now.”
“Mr. Stevenson, Michael Moore is in the freezer section eating all the pints of Ben & Jerry’s!”
“Then get a hose and chase him away.”
The teenager glanced towards the ice cream and shivered. “But I’m scared.”
“The Americans reelected Bush!” a terrorist yelled in panic, “I thought we broke their spirit!”
“We broke nothing!” a terrorist – probably named Mohammed – exclaimed.
There was a knock at the door.
“Who is it?”
“My name is Buck the Marine and I’m here to kill you all.”
“Uh… we’re not here.”
“The press want a statement!” Scott said excitedly, “Can I talk to them? Huh? Huh?”
Bush slapped Scott. “No. I’m talking to them. This one is important.”
Bush walked out of the White House to greet the press. “Hey everybody. Looks like the American people like me and hate you jokers.” Bush looked to one reporter. “You from CBS?”
“Yes.”
Bush drew his single-action army and fired at the reporter’s feet. “Dance!” When the gun ran out of bullets, Bush kicked the reporter in the head. “Now get out of here.”
“So do you think you have a mandate?” one reporter asked.
“Yes, a mandate to do whatever the hell I want. Yee-haw!” Bush shouted. Bush then pulled out a phone. “Bomb a country… I don’t care which – surprise me!”
“Are you going to try to unite this divided country?”
“Well, I looked into the problem, and found that the reason there is so much division is there are a bunch of ‘tards out there who disagree with me,” Bush said, “Either they can wise up or I can have the majority who agree with me beat up the minority against me.”
“Are you now mad with power?”
“Pretty much,” Bush said as he reloaded his six-shooter. He then fired at the press as they scattered. “Yee-haw!”
The flicker of the T.V. set illuminated a horrible visage. “Yes, celebrate now. These next four years just give me time to grow in power and to plan my way to control of America… and thus the world!”
She then laughed a horrible cackle that even scared the demons of hell.
TO BE CONTINUED OVER THE NEXT FOUR YEARS…
Oh Yeah. Sweet.
I smell a Hillary in the end of this… Delightful! I almost prefer your world to ours.
Blenster
Maybe rumsfeld could deliver the coup de grace to arafat in the next IMW?
Flash cartoons. PLEASE. I can imagine Moore sitting next to a freezer, sobbing into a pint of Ben and Jerry’s (and for some reason he sounds like the cartoon dog Droopy in my head), but actually seeing it would be so much better.
great stuff.
Love the image of the teen-ager scared of Moore binging on hippie ice-cream.
GO BUCK THE MARINE!
Danjo
Is anybody ashamed of all the gloating the last couple of days?
Yeah, me neither.
I was laughing and enjoying it all until I got to the end….the cackle scared me. It’s one of those be afraid, be very afraid moments. Hold me, RRN!!
“Are you now mad with power?”
“Pretty much.”
Hahaha. I can tell you’re happy about this.
Wow! That’s one party I’m sorry I missed!!
“I won’t,” Bush answered, “but where is your blouse?”
“I’m looking for it!” Condi answered defensively.
HAHAHA!!
Condi ’08!
How do I get a job in the White House press room? Would I be allowed to help “W” reload ‘n stuff? Or could I just help bar the door while he’s takin’ aim at Helen Thomas? Yeeehaaawwww!
bang
bang
DANCE!
bang
bang
I SAID “DANCE!”
bangbang
click click
This is the best IMW ever. It just needed Melinda Hawkish giving the CBS guy a wedgie.
Dang it, and I was hoping for a picture of Condi without her blouse on. 🙁
“a bunch of ‘tards out there who disagree with me,”
BWAHAHAHAHA!! It’s funny ‘cuz it’s true.
this isn’t your funniest but i kicks major behind because it makde me laugh…esp the part with him being mad with power and taking out a six shooter…good stuff frank
wow, i almost died on my laughter at the micheal moore part hahahahaha im scared hahaha
Bush looked to one reporter. “You from CBS?”
“Yes.”
Bush drew his single-action army and fired at the reporter’s feet. “Dance!” When the gun ran out of bullets, Bush kicked the reporter in the head. “Now get out of here.”
ROTFLMAO!
…but the ending gave me a shiver…
Alright, where was Barney, and why didn’t Condi make out with Scott?
Bush handed the phone to Cheney. “Tell him what he can do to himself.”
Classic.
love it, love it, love it!
That was great!
Foreshadowing is our sign of fine literature.
Boy, I wish that I had a single-action army… 😉 Good stuff, Frank.
Best ever! I esp. liked the Daschle part.
Frank, y’know I’m a Dem, but the mental pic that gave me of Hilary at the end (of IMW and 4yrs!) just scared the beejeebers out of me! brrrrrr
EEeeeeeeeuuuuuwwww…Shrillary (shudder)…
Is there a dykier, more dour scold alive than she?
Rudy in 08!
TNS
Hillary?!? naw too obvious.
I’m going with Helen Thomas, Condi’s evil twin sister, or maybe even Suha ….
Great. How am I supposed to get any work done while I’m having erotic fantasies about Condoleeza Rice?