Part I

Bush walked into the Senate chambers. “So how is the hearing on making Chomps the next Supreme Court Justice?” he asked, “I think the world’s angriest dog would really balance out the decisions.”
“He’s responding to all our questions by viciously mauling Ted Kennedy!” shouted a frustrated Harry Reid.
“Is that true, Chomps?” Bush asked the rottweiler.
Chomps responded by leaping at Ted Kennedy and savagely biting him.
“If we have someone that vicious in the Supreme Court,” George Voinovich said, “I fear for my grandchildren and…” He then broke down crying.
“No crying!” Bush shouted, “And that goes for you too, Dick Durbin!”
“You can’t tell me what to do, you Nazi!” Senator Durbin yelled back. He then started crying. “I’m sorry if you misinterpreted that in a way that was hurtful.” Chomps then jumped Durbin and started biting him.
“See, he’s attacking Durbin now,” Bush pointed out, “That’s progress, right?”
“We don’t want him attacking anyone!” Reid answered.
“But that’s how he communicates,” Bush said, “He’s just a dog.”
“And I don’t even know if a dog is allowed to become a Supreme Court Justice.”
“What does the Constitution say about that?” Bush asked.
Chomps responded by savagely attacking Ted Kennedy.
“I wasn’t asking you,” Bush clarified.
“We haven’t been able to check because our copy of the Constitution we had here was savagely ripped apart,” Reid said.
“Chomps, did you do that?” Bush asked the dog sternly.
Chomps responded to the question by savagely biting Ted Kennedy.
“Actually, it was Ruth Bader Ginsburg,” Senator Frist stated.
“See, I want a Supreme Court Justice who will savagely rip apart Ted Kennedy and not the Constitution,” Bush declared.
“Well, I don’t think this vicious animal is worthy of being a Supreme Court Justice!” Reid asserted.
Chomps walked up to Reid and growled.
Reid jumped on a desk and defensively shouted, “So what is your opinion on Roe v. Wade?”
Chomps responded to the question by savagely biting Ted Kennedy.

“It is believed by many that Bush’s Supreme Court nominee, Chomps the World Angriest Dog, has an anger problem,” said the anchorwoman, “This is supported by the fact that he is in the Guinness Book of World Records as the World’s Angriest Dog, that numerous psychologist say he has a brain imbalance causing a rage problem, that everyone who know the dog describes him as ‘extremely angry,’ and that no one has been able to obtain any footage of Chomps where is not acting extremely angry.”
Cheney turned away from the TV to look at Bush. “Of all the idiotic things you’ve done as president, nominating that psychotic rottweiler to the Supreme Court has to be one of the most entertaining.”
“I just think that dogs haven’t gotten enough representation in government,” Bush answered, “Isn’t that right, Barney?”
“Yipe! Yipe!” the Scottish terrier replied.
“Let’s see how he does on This Week with George Stephanopoulos,” Cheney said.
On screen was Chomps alone at a table.
“Where’s Snufalufagus?” Bush asked.
Chomps coughed up a shoe.
“He swallowed him!” Cheney shouted, “That’s going to be bad publicity!”
“It’s not Chomps’s fault,” Bush stated, “Snufalufagus is just so small he couldn’t help but swallow him.”

“What’s up, Rummy?” Bush asked as he entered Rumsfeld’s house.
“What have you been doing with my dog?” Rumsfeld demanded.
“I’ve been trying to make him a Supreme Court Justice.”
“I don’t want him to be some fruity judge!” Rumsfeld yelled, “And what have you been feeding him?”
Chomps made some coughing sounds in another room. Then George Stephanopoulos came running out of the house screaming, “Aieee!”
“Greek food,” Bush answered.
Rumsfeld walked into the library to find Chomps reading a book of Supreme Court decisions, viciously ripping apart the majority decision or dissent in each one. “Bad dog!” Rumsfeld yelled as he hit Chomps on the nose with a rolled up newspaper, “The only thing you should be concerned about is scaring away the neighborhood kids.” Chomps barked at Rumsfeld and then ran out of the house. Rumsfeld then looked to Bush. “And you stay away from my dog or I’ll rip off your arms and legs and beat you with them!”
“Will the doctors be able to reattach them afterwards?” Bush asked in panic.
Rumsfeld took a drink from a flask of whiskey. “Not my concern.”

“Now I need to find another Supreme Court nominee,” Bush complained as he lay in bed next to Laura.
“Just listen to your staff and that scary Karl Rove this time and don’t pick out any angry dogs,” Laura told him.
Bush laid his head on his pillow and closed his eyes. After a few moments, he sprung up. “You know, I saw this one monkey at the zoo who might…”
“Go to sleep!”
THE END